2.919 : 11/8/07 : Everything Stops

But when you cry out to me

everything stops

the sick daydreaming

the needle drops

Is it a blessing

or a fearful burden

or is it simply

of one thing I’m certain

when you ask of me

I say how much how much

here is comfort

here is touch

here is holding

satisfaction guaranteed

when I hear

the protest of need

the world is run more

by crooks now than ever

this city state keeps edging closer

to the end of forever

but I’ve got no time to

shout it from the mountaintops

I have to listen to the voice

that says everything stops

what

2.918 : 11/7/07 : The Repetition

The repetition:

the predictable failure of mission

the sameness

the deafness blindness lameness

Endless explaining

the no going away of the raining

no matter what I’m chanting

or recanting

the no difference

the loser’s bet made on loser’s inference

the feeble lying

ready to sell out for years but no one’s buying

The repetition:

the predictable failure of vision

the slight fine tuning

While I punch my idols up idly mooning

what

2.917 : 11/6/07 : The Stakes

Bow down to the intrinsic nature

of this fire

The danger’s always looming

and the stakes are getting higher

To have is to have more and more

to lose

No matter how I tilt that cup

I never could refuse

And it would be a shame

to let this anxious flutter

impair the joy of having

one small jot or flutter

The stakes are what they are

the game is played by all

I only guessed I wouldn’t be

So long perched on this ball

what

2.916 : 11/5/07 : One In a Row

Wait till I rack up

one in a row

it will establish

a fine precedent I know

things will change for real

and never look back

just choose a perfect moment

and a locus of attack

what

2.915 : 11/4/07 : Mature

Have I matured at last

under the influence

of every night gone past

at last at confluence

I take my little gain

I take a solemn bow

I take a bead on pain

draw back and show you how

what

2.914 : 11/3/07 : Product

While the product of my failure

spins out in another room

and I strive with the temptation

of the technocratic boom

of the information era

that seems to me to be fading

under the corrosive stream

the mission is ablated

precipitate the salt

whose spirit formed beneath the flame

the essence of enlightenment

the trace of a true name

recrystalize the product

draw it out through sublimation

gather it in cold suspension

and display the new creation

what

2.913 : 11/2/07 : Faster and Harder

Defeated and slammed

I come back faster and harder

long since written off as

failed potential

I’m just  a real slow starter

Yeah I have not yet begun

hell I couldn’t even tell you

just what I call fun

so I bring another bottle

of the good old from the larder

and rush your thrilling bastion

faster

and harder

what

2.912 : 11/1/07 : Bees (2)

I like bees because

bees are nice

I hope there are a lot of bees

in paradise

God must love bees

because he made so many flowers

and gave them magic

bee-type powers

I like bees

they wear fuzzy jackets

they carry nectar

and pollen packets

they make honey

and don’t care about money

I’ll say it twice

I like bees they’re nice

what

2.911 : 10/31/07 : So Very Far Away

So very far away

call it all I’ve ever wasted

bits of bits

copied and pasted

the random walk didn’t take

parts that I could

never shake

or bear to fake

the brutal sameness takes the cake

I’ve had enough I changed my mind

maybe if when he’d asked

me what kind

I had jumped the fear

I’d be some other place than here

there’s things here though

I don’t want to live without

If everything could

be so simple, free from doubt

I don’t ask to be free from pain

just feel I’m on a path again

what

2.910 : 10/30/07 : Reaching

Reaching as usual

yeah choose what to recuse you fool

If I refuse to be your tool

I fear you’ll pull the plug

on this experiment

what heaven sent seven percent

point seven seven seven meant

I never know what I’d a’ dug

hep cat check that

name drop rap scat

call it my chic apparat

too clever well by half

credentials long gone stale

inhale regale a tale well past the pale

for want of one last coffin nail

I settled for a paragraph

what

2.909 : 10/29/07 : Steeping Tea

Steeping tea like any bronze age prince

My anachronisms cut my mind to mince

Projecting to and from and feeling really very dumb

thirteen thousand days give or take a thousand

lend me your ears for a purse I tell the sows and

smile at my own cleverness till I recall who I forgot to bless

If you could steep me in philosopher’s water

digitize my essence on a vector plotter

it might spit out a longer rant but what I know I can’t recant

what

2.908 : 10/28/07 : So Many Words

3,100 : 2 ?

I’ve got so many words to say

I feel I’ve got to say a couple every day

and when its down there in black and white

sometimes I feel exultant sometimes only tight

I’ve got no excuses I own every one

whether under the table or under the gun

what I just left behind cuts me to the quick

but I’ve got a few surprises left in me dick

so many words in combinations finite

thank god I beat the singularity by a thin night

I know I’ll feel regret close to despair

every time I remember there’s no there there

but I’ll do my duty, follow through

nothing in this world means more to me than you

and true there are two and I feel so fortunate

so smile to the camera put a coin in my hat

brevity is the soul of wit so everybody laugh

I’ll simply put a period on that last paragraph

what

2.907 : 10/27/07 : Triple Threat

I am the triple threat

thought word and deed

I don’t follow I lead

you saw that coming I bet

I can’t get stalled by cliché

or plagiarism

they also serve who only stand

and tilt the prism

refracted through envy

refracted through pain

Sometimes I tumble in

sometimes I abstain

I pull my head around

the rolling cipher of now

It scarcely matters, I remember

such a foolish sacred cow

what

2.906 : 10/26/07 : Rolling Farther

Time won’t stop it just keeps on rolling farther

If I’m doing anything I figure I’m ahead

I guess as long as life is all we know

I’m still golden still alive precisely not dead

I don’t see myself breaking through

So I’m doing it for love

that means it’s always new

I hope the latest conversation takes

but if it takes another thousand them’s the brakes

please listen just a moment just this once

because I may never say it again

just the moment just the moment

just the moment only now no then

what

2.905 : 10/25/07 : Brilliant Cycle #2(?)

I waited

I called my friend

every brilliant cycle

has its end

I improvised

I did what I could

and found I peaked too early

bet you guessed I would

I won’t catch up

not tonight

but if I live to see another day

I’ll live to see more light

that’s all

just a passing note

maybe you’ll

come back around

maybe by then

I’ll know it by rote

what

2.904 : 10/24/07 : The Tubes

I had to be dragged to realize

the tubes were feeding me poison

a slick elixir of rhetoric and bile

getting a dark and hateful noise on

blurred line of words and moving pictures

a soup of ego and belief

It took me a minute to pry my hand off

the spigot but what a relief

I used to live with so little data

A little teevee and books

Even did time without the old boob tube

never dreamed of the tubes or their hooks

and I suppose they will pull me back

I’ll always swim against the tide

but swimming upstream is second nature

to me so I’ll take that ride

what

2.903 : 10/23/07 : Dragging Ass

Dragging ass from the sickness

and the duty others abdicate

sick of all the inner chatter

feeling I just can’t relate

and falling behind always behind

like I just can’t overcome

never a half-stride ahead

always feeling slack and dumb

And the anger just deflates me

grinds my mind and smothers fire

how many hours wasted

turning the stiff crank of ire

how many hours wasted

they all seem wasted to me

and you seem plain indifferent

hope you’re not what you seem to be

what

2.902 : 10/22/07 : Thorn

I can’t find that thorn

in my paw or in my side

I can’t seem to find the

magic spell to turn the tide

I can’t walk on water

no matter how he beckons me

I’ll end up where I belong

after the father reckons me

The mission of the lamb

seemed like a rose without a thorn

Down here evil persists

bred in the bone of each newborn

the scientists discovered

to the height of mortal irony

that sinning is innate

it’s fucking true so just don’t pile on me

what

2.901 : 10/21/07 : These Ravings

3093 : 27 ?

Foolish belief in justice

makes these ravings

seem like sense

first as last and

last as first

it burns mad and intense

dead bones that rise

and join and knit

with flesh and blood

mythos of form and void

of spirit breathed

into the mud

I’m not attached to

how it started or

exactly what it means

the nature of the

hosts or harbingers

in wheel in wheel machines

yet I believe in it

just after my own

fashion

I have to trust

even for me

there’ll be a mansion

what

2.900 : 10/20/07 : Foreplay

The fetish of gratification delayed

the pros and their wares on the bright stage displayed

the commerce of lust that dare not speak its name

it’s less than life or death but more than a game

foreplay till that rack is fit to get wrecked

a taste for the nexus I burn to inspect

and burning for juxtaposition sublime

and lacking for nothing God damn it but time

what

2.899 : 10/19/07 : Impossible

Without motivation

something pushing

impossible

wait for the adjusters

men in gray suits

to tell you

what all’s plausible

another circle jerk

Zero equals work

always spread too thin

I got no towel to throw in

hear that black wind blowin’

here the fuck I go again

what

2.898 : 10/18/07 : Sensory Deprivation

I want specific blinders

for all news and information

a very special species of

sensory deprivation

I can’t afford to tune out

all reality

I’ve got to eat and after all

the little man is only three

but I could do without the war

or frankly the environment

it’s not like knowing made a difference

all those letters that I sent

that the center cannot hold

I don’t need to be reminded

I read that one years ago

so entropy let me be blinded

stop my ears to money news

like the market means dick to me

shield my skin from all the horrors

they talk about that stick to me

clasp my tongue inside my mouth

to just forget the bitter pill

and the stench of mendacity

it’s everywhere I know the drill

and I’ll go round my business

chipping at my little corner

be your canary nevermore

Your Cassandra your warner

what

2.897 : 10/17/07 : Brave and Bold

I love the feel of a paradigm slide

when you’ve got nothing to lose

and even less to hide

watch the clinging of

the first becoming last

welcome to the dustbin

welcome to the past

I’ve got a feeling that

everything’s changing

power structures crumbling

classes rearranging

and I’m afraid of the

death throes

how bad how long

nobody knows

and it might seem like another day

of the same old same old

but still it’s coming

Whatever you say

and I am to face the new day

brave and bold

what

2.896 : 10/16/07 : Time Carries Nothing

After losing his Messiah complex

the artist no longer knows

what he expects

and time rolls on relentlessly

and that’s all it does

he says to me

It carries nothing that’s all on us

it’s not a river or an

existential bus

it’s not a page that you can write on

it’s just a tide no one

can fight

and I’m losing predictably

the artist, no longer young

said to me

but I keep my spirits up with one thing

we all go to the next stop

carrying nothing

what

2.895 : 10/15/07 : Chasing Transition

3,086 : 20 ?

Chasing transition, transcendence

the same inquisition, dependence

on influx of data the witching hour

the players the haters the hideous power

I’m not on the track here not even close

I try to get back to the critical dose

that rap in the background I’ve heard before

a dismal upbeat sound an open door

chasing translation the upload trip

standing my station on the battling tip

no idea what form the fight will take

stay sharp and keep warm stay on the make

wait for the call superstition said

no plan at all but to keep my head

what

2.894 : 10/14/07 : Flyover Country

So many will be displaced

our history our destiny

I kind of like it

here in the middle

no threat of global relevance

testing me

in flyover country

Keep your New York City

Flatland heartland

Keep your L.A.

I don’t mind being nowhere

And it keeps the population low

I’m happy to say

what

2.893 : 10/13/07 : Bees

Little thoughts like little bees

go circling and circling

and swarm around

perplex, confound

till every little quirk will ring

and clamor for attention from me

and oh did I mention one bee

is made of gold

and flies by antigravity

oh if I could just catch that bee

Guess that makes my skull the hive

but it’s not full of honey

no!

it’s full of fear of world collapse

and thoughts of making money

the system’s shot

but Marx won’t do

just how bad will

the social fabric unglue

preparing for it’s useless

of that I’m very sure

and nothing would go better

if I kept myself so pure

the consolation prize I’m stuck with

cultivate my nest of bees

and daydream somehow

it could someday

buzz the titan to its knees

what

2.892 : 10/12/07 : Alternate Track

Throwing rolling ciphers down a hill

I refuse to mark or observe

but I know you always will

If everything’s recorded in some fashion

it’s irrelevant if I conceal my passion

If every happenstance

occurs on some alternate track

then what’s the meaning of decision

drop another record on the stack

more stories that I’m not in

than I am it’s got to be true

more stories I’m alone than

I am with you

I don’t like it I don’t like it

I want change but I want things the same

I want it all to be serious

I want it to just be a game

I’ll pretend that I’ve somehow

collapsed probability

And I’ll pretend I’m

trying to the best of my ability

what

2.891 : 10/11/07 : Hope Land

Hope land on me tonight

convince me to do well and right

actually I mean to do good

change, disarrange I thought I could

get to the same point every night

push on when I can no longer fight

so what I’ve suffered through much worse

and end it on a hopeless verse

what

2.890 : 10/10/07 : Reactivate

Reactivate the ancient sites

sinking into my radical rites

not much hope for recognition this time

figure what the hell

I can be free on my own dime

content to be reporting a revolution

certain problems still seem beyond solution

but that rising tide may yet raise all our ships

and as long as it doesn’t swamp us

I’ll quote my quips

just a little word of announcement

top it off with a bold pronouncement:

starting here I’m taking on the world

just me and my boy and my only girl

what

2.889 : 10/9/07 : Counter Intuition

3,080 : 14 ?

I’m having trouble parsing out

my counter intuition

I’m having trouble bringing

that world card oracle to fruition

I hear a lot of good talk

but I see a lot of stale walk

and I’m starting to consider

investing in real munition

I’m scared of world wide war

economic collapse

I ain’t got much

between the thought

and the synapse

I’ve got to make this quick

keeping the faith these days is quite a trick

and that’s even on the good side

of a bad roll of the craps

what

2.888 : 10/8/07 : Pro Forma

The dead minimum that I can get away with

has gotten me this far

I can’t imagine what force on Earth

could induce me to raise that bar

I’m doing this like time

nothing matters but line on top of line

pretend at some extremity

I’ll somehow reverse the decline

this pro forma racket doesn’t

much appeal to me lately

too damn many memories

swarm up that trouble me greatly

too many imaginary friends

with doppelgängers walking around somewhere

acting like real human beings

like things that eat and love and care

one extra hour of sleep

won’t make going through the motions seem right

neither the first nor second trump will come true

I’d bet on that tonight

change comes in long slow monotony

and never seems quite done

and if it strikes you as a dullish tale

you’re damn sure not the only one

what

2.887 : 10/7/07 : Real Poetry

the topic of the movie

is the content of my present

I couldn’t call it art

but it is simple

it is pleasant

and you could call it life

there is breathing waking sleeping

there are semblances of meaning

there is company I’m keeping

but I’m looking for real poetry

what I find seems so random

somehow smaller than a want ad

or the detritus of fandom

and I guess I’d sell it all out

and I wouldn’t think a minute

for a little pile of booty

it’s a hell of a note i’n’it?

what

2.886 : 10/6/07 : Break Fast

How long will the fire flow

how long will the words last

how long will this go on

how long till I break fast

where will this train go next

following the damn tracks

armed with nothing but text

fighting only parallax

I haven’t got a blueprint

you can see there’s no plan

I can’t take the plain hint

succumb give up be a free man

seeing what cannot be unseen

no line not uncrossed before

still whatever I’m not clean

and I suspect I know what’s in store

one grim fantasy or another

yet another long goodbye

and as clichés go here’s the mother

I make book and don’t ask why

what

2.885 : 10/5/07 : À La Carte

Nobody’s offering à la carte

take it all or receive not one part

just want a little of Caesar’s stash

Filthy lucre baby I want cash

but they say you got to get the career

always obligations never in the clear

I could chase after the long or short con

be the opposite of a paragon

I could dust off my alchemical stills

close my eyes to the time I can’t do or that poison kills

I’ve got no stomach for crime or fraud

But I swear the next straight gig’s gonna kill me by God

So until providence hands down my little part

I guess I’ll try to piece it bit by bit à la carte

what

2.884 : 10/4/07 : Process of Elimination

While the world delivers one wretched

one liner after another

And I scamper under the lash

of invention’s mother

I get the sneaky feeling

that all of creation

is nothing but a product of

the process of elimination

Garbage in and look

at just what comes in and out

Where the sun don’t shine

guess that’s what I’m talking about

I guess that you could guess

I think it’s all masturbation

or at best another pile of elimination

what

2.883 : 10/3/07 : Nest of Eyes

I’m throwing firebombs

in the nest of eyes

sick of all the scrutiny

incensed by all the lies

Look at this you bastards

I am shaking every tree

until the real revelation

falls down on me

I said I’d turn my back on

all of you without goodbyes

And walk all resolutely

one time from the nest of eyes

but soon you found me

kicking dirt around the verges

lurking in the trenches

soon succumbing to my urges

what

2.882 : 10/2/07 : The Demiurge

What’s the matter with matter says I

Why do I get caught up in the game

You asked if I had considered I said yes I

thought a thousand times but it always came out the same

here I am again with the Demiurge

Fighting to determine the right approach

Here I am again on the cusp of a great purge

it seems there is no stage on which he doesn’t encroach

There’s no escaping I am part of it

Made of matter entropic and temporal

And that gets to the bleeding heart of it

Another day another oh God what’s this fresh hell

here I am again with the Demiurge

Battle of wits like a toothpick against a gun

I’m losing my faith in the martial surge

Maybe somebody’s born to fight him I ain’t the one

I don’t know who I’m really praying to

I accept these words may merely rattle in my skull

Nobody gets me I believe but I’m not saying you

Ought to buy what I buy ‘cause my dance card’s already full

And I may never shake the Demiurge

No I suppose it comes from being material

And one day I guess the whole thing will merge

And have to face the abstract alien Imperial

what

2.881 : 10/1/07 : The Bells Still

3,072 : 6 ?

The bells still hammering

in my skull money is yammering

and I find myself stammering

apologies to nobody

The plunge is harrowing

I can’t deny the options narrowing

this ain’t no tortoise shell or yarrow thing

oracles won’t make this less muddy

I clench my teeth wait till the bells still

How long can I still palm this hell’s pill

or cling to this slick infidel’s hill

before I just slide in the slop

Pretty sure it was me that rang it

Can’t recall why I would have dang it

If there’s to be blame well I’ll hang it

right round my own neck then just stop

what

2.880 : 9/30/07 : Just Play

I’m doing exactly what

I would be doing on my last day

on the last day

happy birthday

And still the future bears down

feeling up against it

but let’s just play

let’s just play

where else would I be

who else would I be with

And still I wonder

and still I worry

nothing’s as important

all the rest’s a myth

still I slack and

still I hurry

I’m doing exactly what

I would be doing on my last day

on the last day

Happy birthday

what

2.879 : 9/29/07 : Food Chain

Everything that stops will start again

It’s part of nature so take heart my friend

But everything that starts must stop

So eat drink and be merry

while you’re at the food chain’s top

They say we’re damaging the natural balance

Like an electron striving out of its valence

But if they’re right its evolution’s fuck up

There but for the grace of Darwin so buck up

But if it’s God then what the fuck man?

Was evil just a way to get unstuck then?

Some devil on my shoulder keeps insisting

You made up Lucifer just to keep things interesting

A real good theory is that nothing matters

The law of entropy says it all scatters

in the end till it’s drawn back into a tight hot point

creation nails you up to the universal joint

and blows its stack straight back again

ignore it, hold your breath & count to ten

what

2.878 : 9/28/07 : A Scythe

I dream a scythe to sweep through all

the meta, artifacts and thrall

It’s been too long it’s all the same

It’s still this still this still this game

If I could mix it up like a cocktail

and serve it glowing over ice

Would you consider this a derail

Would you think that it was nice?

It’s effortless enough so why do I complain

21st century born of an airplane

too much conflict shouting in my ear

I’ve had enough just get me out of here

If I made a bad gaffe would you forgive

remember where my heart was firmly staked

I got nothing left now and yet on I live

regardless how the premise is half-baked

what

2.877 : 9/27/07 : Cycle

I’m at the unholy mercy of the cycle

Going mano a mano with the angel Michael

Where the moving finger touches I collapse

blame it on conditioning; a faulty synapse

predictably down in the bowels of toil

alone without antagonist or a foil

no exposition there no chance at action

not much chance at all up against the faction

of rhetoricians and armchair pundits

how long ago did I exhaust the fun bits

these days I’m just in there to stay awake

and see what strange familiar form

the cycle will take

what

2.876 : 9/26/07 : Diving after Poison

That ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-aah you hear

is me diving after the poison pill

ten years too late, but anyway

The pit I thought was bottomless

the rushing of ephemeris

and too much information

too long, didn’t read where’s your grand creation

now?

Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah

to hell with Galileo

I’ll fall faster singing hey-oh!

Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah

And when I grasp it burning in my hand

I know that it will be enough

and I will understand

Ah-ah-ah-ah-aah!

And fly back to the light!

what

2.875 : 9/25/07 : Stoichiometry

I’m feeling like my life is

run by stoichiometry

hedged in on all sides by

unbreakable geometry

defined by mobility

money time credentials

feeling grim deficient

in all of the essentials

I push the numbers ‘round

to feel I’m keeping busy

trying to see something new

in them makes me dizzy

all things must be conserved

entropy paid its due

I don’t know how the hell

the extra push I need could get through

what

2.874 : 9/24/07 : This Dull Morass

The axis is bigger than I had suspected

thoughts I thought long-buried

are now resurrected

When the days I’d spoken of are come to pass

will there remain a dim light

in this dull morass

The lesson should have taken twenty years ago

the holy present is the only

thing we know

but I just went ahead and chased the will-o-wisp

and justified my error

like a solipsist

I can’t believe I let another week slide by

I can’t believe I still believe

I’m not that guy

But then I am surprised to still be climbing

still trying to carve the thoughts out

and still rhyming

I’m trying to believe that you are with me always

I’m trying to worry not but that’s a

hard sell these days

The lunatics are running everything down here

A little help my Lord from my lips

to your ear

what

2.873 : 9/23/07 : Those Villains

3,065 : 12 ?

The currency was tanking

and still all the wonks were wanking

over how to spin the platter

of a thousand things that did not matter

I was trying to get off

all the steam I failed to let off

it was building to an evil head

here’s what those villains said

we must fight the moral battle

here’s the fence that you must straddle

please ignore diminishing returns

also the fact that fire burns

we’re only watching out for you

too simple to know what to do

so please hold these thoughts a while

and hand your papers over with a smile

with key indexes eroding

so much improvised exploding

I was dreaming like a blackguard

sneaking one across the long yard

just one sweet culture bait job

dressed up hurried and cut rate job

roll my score up yeah and get out

what a freedom whoop I’d let out

till I came back to my senses

saw my stupid rose-hued lenses

felt the sickness still inside

an hour left I better hide

what

2.872 : 9/22/07 : Tiny Genesis

Wanting to start too big to begin at the end without earning

Wanting to claim each lost notion instrumentalize all their returning

Grasping for some past emotion or moment transient state of mind

And waiting and waiting for call revelation some augury ought to unwind

Tiny genesis will you be sufficient

I’m not forthright constant or efficient

But I put the lines down in the end

And that is enough for you my friend

Not knowing the point or the purpose of still after all persisting

I can’t tell if I’ve got high standards or merely a thing for resisting

And if it all comes to another uncertain and slim masterpiece

Will I call it a day at ten times the price will it feel any more like release

Tiny genesis will you be definitive

Every dangling participle, split infinitive

Will I lose all the points on mechanics

or just drop the ball when the ego panics

I fear false beginnings are just as pernicious as contrived endings

I guess that somewhere in the middle is hidden the essential bendings

I guess That I guess all too often and what can I say it’s my nature

but it’s been a long time and for a long time I’ve lost faith in the great cure

tiny genesis everything’s always beginning

and if you find me here slack jawed and grinning

for once it’s not just a chemical spoke

Maybe for just a blink I felt in on the joke

what

2.871 : 9/21/07 : Lie Back and Take It

Oh my beautiful country

no you were never half so pure

as the songs made out

but I think we’ve really

crossed the line now

I think we turned your inner demons out

lie back and take it

feel the liberty call me

a patriot

yell a little if you have to

after all its shocking

to be taken hard by idiots

I know I must be

at least half wrong

but I’m not sure that makes them

half right

I worried and vexed at

the puzzle

I kept on waking you up all night

Lie back and take it

your modesty’s not worth

a loss of our “way of life”

close your eyes

and think of yourself

while we fix you with a knife

what

2.870 : 9/20/07 : Half Lived

Statistics are not fairness, kindness, justice

no matter that they seem to be on your side

It’s true I might be at the very middle point of life

the river here does not seem too damn wide

half lived: is it the better or the worse half left

characteristic of the bass or treble clef

I am tired tired tired of the lash of fear

what’s the use when I know we’re all for out of here?

there’s no glass eyes or wooden legs left at the healing pool

and if I make excuses for it then I’m more the fool

so what’s left to me besides what boils down to blind chance

and even at the outliers the inevitable proceeds in its inexorable dance

feelings are not evidence tradition’s no excuse

and still I try to sort out my believing

knowing so few will understand and less will care so what’s the use

yet I cannot ignore this constant message I’m receiving

resist it as I might I know living’s only here and now

And God does not require my defense in this eternal moment does endow

my half life with the power to be complete

I guess I’ve got to be thankful I’m still on my feet

what

2.869 : 9/19/07 : I’m Not Sick

I heard the message:

I could not stand to listen to the speech

in awe of those who can both

do and teach

and sickened with myself

at how I whine and pout

I’m not sick: and I’ve got nothing to complain about

So much is given

and so much is taken

I can barely bear to contemplate

just what cannot be shaken

they came up with a weapon

that broadcasts pain

yet he’s the one who is going to die

what can we hope to gain

wondering how long I will

allow myself to fake it

this secret harbored in my breast

that I don’t think we’re gonna make it

after that I guess

it all just becomes a time scale

watching for our numbers up

our mean time

before

fail

what

2.868 : 9/18/07 : The Moment

If the moment ever came

it’s passed now

I’m faking gains

like Skilling and Fastow

I’m maybe not the sharpest

knife in the block

I’m dying for a moment

just to rest and take stock

Why am I hungry

why so sick and tired

how did I ever manage

to avoid getting fired

and now that I’m

the only boss I’ve got

there’s no one else to pin on

how I got in this spot

it’s been too long

that it’s all been a slog

trying to hunt with

this no-account dog

In time the moment

will come ‘round again

but what will I make of it

I won’t know till I begin

what

2.867 : 9/17/07 : Soul Bell

When did I first hear

the soul bell ringing

and when did I first

know its name

When did I first fear

it was a siren singing

and how long have I

danced around that game

I thought I’d find a gig

just ringing it all day long

I thought it would be

easy, automatic

I found it in movies

books and songs

but my own search

only came up static

there’s no soul bell

to be found in this mess

Such a typical

display of irony

I pray in my comfort

and I pray under duress

that somewhere out there

it’s still ringing for me

what

2.866 : 9/16/07 : Solution

3,058 : 5 ?

Another virus worm

twists into my breath

another dim day’s contest

comes to sudden death

doing later again

what I could have done sooner

another ballad cliché

another fly me to the mooner

I tear it off right there

declare that tale told

raise to mind the image

of a tower of gold

wrapped in a hologram

of Purest white

just a strange little scene

I never manage to write

there’s a girl with wings

and a magic machine

at the cusp of contemplation

it all seems so clean

but it all gets messy

in the execution

so till then give what I got

the song a day solution

what

2.865 : 9/15/07 : Drift, Escape

Looking for the drift, escape

stay sharp to get it down on tape

a little play of light and wit

kill an hour or two and split

the middle of some

business I don’t follow

the blare of justifying

ringing hollow

I plot to unleash my testimony

Woo Mr. Brilliant with the dog and pony

just like that the drift

reverie is shattered

always drawn by

everything that mattered

and what I can or can’t

is not the real point

rage or rest

a new day I’ll anoint

what

2.864 : 9/14/07 : Worm Turns

The worm turns hard again

and bites me on the ass

sorry to be crude

but you find me at a crude pass

was it something I ate

that argument we had

a decade and a half well

half the time it didn’t seem bad

I’m fed up with the worm

I am no fragile flower

the worm predates the wife and kid

the dull stint in the ivory tower

and these days things are better

more rarely my tripe burns

but in a way it makes it worse

whenever the worm turns

what

2.863 : 9/13/07 : Tide

I dreamed about

the man who wrote about

the place where you could

stand to see the place

where the tide

turned

I turned you out

ignored your raging shout

eyes shut I knocked on wood

and tipped my wet face

toward where outside

burned

the line's still there

I guess I still care

but I’ve never been

to see with my own eyes

whether they’re the right

kind

I give a hard stare

know that nothing’s fair

in the city of sin

all the name implies

pronounce the last insight

blind

what

2.862 : 9/12/07 : Waiting for a Mission

Waiting for a mission getting softer

Thinking I have picked the wrong oracle

Has it been five - ten - indeed twelve years

waiting for the wrong miracle

Do I have the stones to stand again

and claim some moment of transition

no I shall not no more of that con

I’ll be silent wait for my mission

what

2.861 : 9/11/07 : Bible Lessons

I’m trying to educate the youth

with my bible lessons

Raw and uncouth

just to get under the skins

of the pro unbelievers

in their brainbox bins

You could say I wasted

an hour on it

but I try like hell to

justify each little bit

a fan’s a fan

and I don’t got many

so ask for a little

I’ll give you plenty

what

2.860 : 9/10/07 : God Told Me

God told me to start a band
God told me to take the
knife in my hand
God told me to kill a son
I said I guess
I’m not the one
I saw the Presence
but I received no instruction
absent both
now I move
by spiritual induction
I claim no special insight
no grasp of the divine
it’s something like a practice
not belief
or anodyne

what

2.859 : 9/9/07 : Sweet Baby

I hear a whisper
a croon a call
Up the stairs around the corner
at the end of the hall
Come to bed
lay your head down
sweet baby
even if nothing’s
gonna turn out right
in the end
we had today
and we’ve got tonight
so she said
and I looked out at our town
sweet baby
a rough morning
from a crazy night
and all that I pushed hardest
turned out out of sight
So let it all unspool out of my head
and lost that frown
sweet baby

what

2.858 : 9/8/07 : Wedding Can

I dreamed this song up
in the Wedding Can
a perfect crucible to song
the make of a real man
on a farm that smelled so
God damned much like home
I beat the fucking cognitive
dissonance
to sea foam
This is real:
I am God damn here
I can’t take it with me
but I aim to be; clear
as the sun
on a morning
without cloud or haze
I’m the fucking narrator
the author of days
show me another
I’ll gladly bow
to my mother superior
my own private sacred cow:
I’ve overstayed my welcome
I fear I’ve tipped my hand
I’m an everyday adherent
of the Bible of the promised land
I sanctify this sad position
read by some wise glint
I’ll ride it like a comet
end up full of piss, and skint

what

2.857 : 9/7/07: Consideration

How much could be ameliorated
how much could be deferred
by just a little consideration
a considered thought
action
word
trying to hold a line against fury
satisfying crackle of rage
deep down I swear that I don’t want it
but this paragraph must run
to the bottom of its page
consideration
all is asked is a little
thought forbearance
it’s not a test puzzle or riddle
it’s not a capital or
information
just a pause
subjunctive clause
aside for consideration

what