2.2440 : 1/7/12 : The Reactionary

The poor confused reactionary
in me can't decide
where exactly we want to
get back to on this ride
the high school crush
the college trip
the job that beat our mind up
what state would correct the flow
of where we're going to wind up
Are we looking for
a time machine
or just the feeling of a time
when our hands were clean
or is the reactionary
really just on a nostalgia trip
fuck it
let's get started
time travelling
watch: the switch flip

what

2.2439 : 1/6/12 : Reaction

Is it just the reaction
reaction
no pause to calibrate
no rest to
reset
no return to the
steady state
this chain
has got to be cut short
I'll never
carry such a span
and so
one last
lament abort
and stuff
one last reel
in the can

what

2.2438 : 1/5/12 : Options

looking for options
between give up and go crazy
not doing what I say
not sure it's just I'm lazy
just not knack I can find
for catchy and light
for not diving in the grim
for not staying up all night
old temptations and vices
no easy escapes or shortcuts
so much work lost in the flux
so much time lost in the ruts
how does this measure up
nothing fancy or extreme
something to walk away from
look for options in a dream

what

2.2437 : 1/4/12 : Joyride

Not enough joy
in the ride ride ride
Thinking maybe I let the
wrong things slide slide slide
If I want to get past
my previous best
just show me where to take
which test
the twinges and the
tingling are not what you think
can't spare another minute
to that sink
I want the ride
and I want it now
and that was where
I staked my vow

what

2.2436 : 1/3/12 : CAT

I ought to emulate my cat
which makes a plaything
out of any this and that
who falls asleep
at the drop of a hat
in a sunbeam in the afternoon
I ought to cultivate
the mind of a child
I've got a great example
so free and wild
and it makes me feel bad
for all the cares I've piled
up
but I'm going to get
better
soon

what

2.2435 : 1/2/12 : On the Wire

The stream uncrossed
the die uncast
oh don't look on
forget the past
and if I don't find a thing
in the flux
I might be wishing real hard
I'd lined up all my ducks
always in the maelstrom
no control
let's build a bigger bomb
burn up more coal
that's it I've had it
with this garbage on the wire
I'll rule that realm no more
tonight I retire

what

2.2434 : 1/1/12 : Start

Lose the plot
and fall asleep
something in my mindset
the company I keep
get sad in the morning
with the bread and the wine
hope with a good eight
to be feeling kind of fine
off to a so so start
don't want to talk about it
dumb arbitrary numbers
will it add up I doubt it
and still it is a start
well a continuation
and still the only place I've got
to look for recreation

what

2.2433 : 12/31/11 : The Inheritance

Count my inheritance
at year's end
no hint of presence
no message shall send
we're on our own on this side
so goes the battle
So goes the ride
a little silver, no gold
and this love hate I've got on
with lucre's getting old
not like I'm wanting
was expecting much
just another one of
the kinds of straws I clutch
gird up I tell myself
time to begin
this is your inheritance
to stand up again and again
maybe there's a golden treasure
to find in it all yet
keep that one close to my heart
while I cast my net

what

2.2432 : 12/30/11 : Wishes

If I believed in wishes
I would wish to
want to
be cut down
to a simple stalk
no branches
no renown
my complexity
isn't worth
a disc of lead
and all the thinking
rattling around
fills me with
existential dread
throw the coin in
rub the lantern
tear it up and feed it
to the fishes
hey somebody
hey somebody
listen to my wishes

what

2.2431 : 12/29/11 : Click

Fiddle and fool and
click click click
till your elbow or
your shoulder gets sick
concentration shot
creativity
the dirty little secret
is it's all teevee
Oh what will I
What will I do instead?
clean and repair
eat the daily bread
take a grab at the
longer end of the stick
sit and stare and wait
for something inside to click

what

2.2430 : 12/28/11 : Vague Spiritual

I've had enough of the fluff
the vague spiritual bluff
the little here and the little there
the trust in the trust and you'll
if when you where
real advice is hard to come by
you know I'm not just some dumb guy
but I feel pretty foolish lately
page after page of stilted stately
structure God it all sounds the same
only so many rhymes in the game
and if the turn of phrase doesn't sing
it isn't really anything

what

2.2429 : 12/27/11 : The Attitude

The attitude:
is perfect or
perfectly terrible
is it really the end
and the be all
deep down was I
seeking the message of doom
prefer the
comforting numbness
of guaranteed gloom
is there anything to change?
nothing to see here
it's all an accident
that much is clear

what

2.2428 : 12/26/11 : Sea of Stories

I declared that tales would end
no anticipation nothing round the bend
Tried to make it work for a month or so
Man in a ship said it just won't sail you know
How long since I touched my peaceful ocean
How long despite the sense of constant motion
I tell you God it's ten long years
the stuff of stark though still lesser fears
I tried your histories I tried your allegories
There's nothing left for it
but to return to the sea of stories
There's no such thing as bad luck
only suffering and resolve
only walking in the moment
there is nothing you can solve
and the world does not need saving
and it has no destination
and there is no difference between
vacation or incarceration
or anyway that is the line
of the strange bird that quarries
the deep unfathomed ocean caves
far under the sea of stories

what

2.2427 : 12/25/11 : Magical

When did magic
get such a bad name
call me childish
I should be ashamed
the world is not alive
you get hooked by the
crudest jive
already I'm sick
of the topic
So typical
So unphilosophic
a couple steel rings
a cardboard tube
hey what happened to
the handkerchief, rube
all the tricks I
threw out along the way
a magical life
doesn't really sound that way

what

2.2426 : 12/24/11 : Organizer

Now to me to be

the organizer
picking up this thing
you dropped
not quite my size,
there
isn't anything
for that though
nothing for
a lot of things;
So it's said to go

what

2.2425 : 12/23/11 : Chain

String the chain
over the range once more
off the reservation
scrambling on shore
under fire taking
heavy loss
and still storming
you can't deny
by the numbers
still performing

what

2.2424 : 12/22/11 : Patterned

Patterned with the
marks of all the
repetitions
iterations
tired of the
sober discourse
all the philosophic
conversations
Don't know nothing
going nowhere
no percentage
in griping
sniping
scrambling through
the piping
but then
what the hell am I hyping?

what

2.2423 : 12/21/11 : Checkered

Another contribution
to the checkered history
my
hit or miss
my story
I tell you man
Most don't hit the target
Most of us take
what we can get
What the hell
do I need
if not a plan?

what

2.2422 : 12/20/11 : Diptych 2

Sad mother
afflicted son
all so universal
what's the deal with everyone
getting all iconoclastic
as if your joint's an less plastic
today take me on familiar tides
trip as familiar as Disney rides
annunciation
transubstantiation
beatification
and of course mortification
the diptych logic merciless
think I can leave you to infer the rest

what

2.2421 : 12/19/11 : Diptych 1

The tree in bloom
the tree bare
the stone angels
who only stare
the diptych heaven
the right hand hell
more a sketch than a painting
but oh well

what

2.2420 : 12/18/11 : Draw a Line

Draw a line under
a pack of mean days
such a great excuse
it's worth that anyways
it's not a great story
well sure I'm pretty small
laid low by the heavy line
and can't draw up the sum at all

what

2.2419 : 12/17/11 : The Narrative

If not the narrative then what
the repetition and the rut
the inward meditative trance
the fumbling for the being dance
a sickness drops the hammer
hear my little scribblers yammer
lost the story of why for my trying
lost in his storyless dying
so tired and so unstoried
pining to be enriched and gloried
instead the miasmas hit me
you want me back damnit come
and get me

what

2.2418 : 12/16/11 : Exit the Only

Exit the only
solution to the lonely
state of utter sickness with
the state of all this rhetoric
unable to decide a thing
the bottom of
the denominator
just keeps dropping
words won't fix
good will is spent
and the movement
is a revenant
tell me there's no
way to go
tell me as if
I didn't know
retreat within
discrete, within
unspeaking
I'll slam the door
on every cause
without regard
to writ or cause
the end of it
descend and quit
my seeking

what

2.2417 : 12/15/11 : Tolereance

I should have
built up more
tolerance by now
to the poison
to the trauma
to the broken vow
I should have come up
with a strategy
instead of what still
looks a whole lot like
wait and see
nobody is watching
or expecting anymore
appreciate their tolerance
they don't
show me the door
as I try to grasp the nettle
take the bull by its horns
end up lightly gored
and with a hand
full of thorns

what

2.2416 : 12/14/11 : Bitter Again

Bitter they say
makes the placebo efficacious
maybe an apocrypha
the truth is seldom
so audacious
fool my tongue
with the bitter again
Don't know what's coming
don't know when
hardly reason
to continue on
all for the sake
of tradition, long
forgotten in
languages no one
speaks
well no one to speak of
pedantic freaks
no not me
I'm bitter is all
bitter again
back to a
bitter wall

what

2.2415 : 12/13/11 : The Other

Get one thing
forge the other
push me pull you
can't somebody help me
with a whack-a-brother
let it all slide
well no surprise
it ends up against a wall
with panic in its eyes
well what I need
well I won't say just what
and what would make
a difference
well I really got no clue though
but
get on to the other
if it seems a wild shot
in pitch black
Oh let's get on with the other
get on with the other
before inertia hits back

what

2.2414 : 12/12/11 : Forgetfulness and the Consequence

Forgetfulness
and the consequence is
another foray
into straddling the fences
where are we
when we're neither here nor there
When I don't have
the wherewithal
except to sit and stare
got to wash clothes
put away the dishes
tend my lame little projects
like lame little
upstream fishes
lose my continuity
pick it up once more
my mind a million miles off
trying to forget
what I deplore

what

2.2413 : 12/11/11 : Victory

Victory
doesn't feel good
doesn't feel like anything
what did I grasp
not a laurel branch
not a nettle
certainly not a gold ring
blue as the sky
sure I've got reasons
reasons don't make you feel any better
hope for victory
to bring some brighter layer
throw off this sad fetter

what

2.2412 : 12/10/11 : Great Dismal

Ah great dismal
truth of the day
notice me or
kindly go away
oh minor note
of dissonance
small returns
from ventured chance
please take me
anywhere but here
anywhere to wait
for the next thing to appear
take me to Great Dismal
plunge me in the muck
hand me a millstone
I'd scarcely be more stuck

what

2.2411 : 12/09/11 : Emotional Spending

That account
was already mighty thin
keeps getting hit again and again
emotional spending
hows my balance
not so good I fear
a lot of static in my valence
see that shell
looks like I'm good for bonding
while I strive to coordinate
my capital's absconding
damn now the money's
even in my metaphors
considering the real topic
well it's giving me the horrors

what

2.2410 : 12/08/11 : More Fool

More fool
can't seem to change
no allegory
nothing to exchange
terrible rhymes
such dimwit verses
Listen and learn
listen to my curses

what

2.2409 : 12/07/11 : Goodbye Midnight

I only came to
say goodbye midnight
don't want to pass it all by
change a little
not enough
You know them as well as I
it's awful tough
Goodbye midnight
hope to not see you soon
nor the moonlight in the water
nor the sunlight in the moon
a little too sad
to be positive at all
a little too tired
to take a shot at that high wall

what

2.2408 : 12/06/11 : Progress

Today I don't know
what progress means anymore
stare out a window
check and check a locked door
how we persist
and how we go on
and just to quote the Psalmist
O almighty: How Long?
No real goal:
no calling, no station
no great work or even
just a part time avocation
So how can progress start?
I'm mired in the slough
and the allegory's failing
not at all sure I'll get through

what

2.2407 : 12/05/11 : Luke 9 (Seventeen Nights 17/17)

Neither staff nor bag
nor bread nor money
it's a strange journey
but it really isn't funny
and who will feed
the multitude these days
and just what kind of with us
did you really mean by always
I'm no fool
I know my lowly station
never would have made it
to see the
transfiguration
I guess I'm not fit for the kingdom
how hard I'm looking back
wishing one last little glimpse
before I give the plow my back

what

2.2406 : 12/04/11 : Jude (Strange Flesh - Seventeen Nights 16/17)

we're all a little
strange in the flesh these days
a little
hellfire stumping
what a screed
for last days
I do not think
I care for you Jude
your pious attitude
sure that old time religion
certainly is in the book
can't just wave it away
bound to be mistook
Leaving me where?
maybe down among the goats
and all others who refuse
to have strange flesh
crammed down our throats

what

2.2405 : 12/02/11 : Isaiah 6 (Seventeen Nights 15/17)

Not my commission
not my call
what for me
seems like nothing at all
am I so selfish
well I'm what's left
what now holy holy?
with your play so deft
What a job to give out
baffle them with, well then
sounds like one escape clause
chance to say I told you so, when
of course I am bitter
angry sad and tired
reading ancient visions
feeling not a bit inspired

what

2.2404 : 12/02/11 : Psalm 104 (Very Great - Seventeen Nights 14/17)

Very great
oh yes
very great
it's a humbling universe
I can comfortably state
yes it's great
it's vast
one unending
deep repast
but that doesn't
mean it's nice
I'm not so sure
that you are nice
for what I find
upon my plate
still sure
no doubt
you're very great

what

2.2403 : 12/01/11 : Psalm 103 (Who Heals? - Seventeen Nights 13/17)

Who heals?
Is there any real healing?
Just temporary reprieve
a momentary feeling
I succumb to many vices
well no not that one I'll allow
at least today at least for now
again comes the wind
scatters them like dust
withers them like grass blades
eat at them like rust
the healing is not complete
in this world
and knows about
the next
who knows about
tomorrow
who knows what to expect

what

2.2402 : 11/30/11 : Psalm 102 (Stricken - Seventeen Nights 12/17)

My heart is stricken
and withered like grass
I try to roll through it
with a little class
where is Zion Zion now
who could get called chosen
and though the dates keep changing
every asset's frozen
and nothing will
endure but you
but can you really understand
what you put us through?
everyone's stricken
withered in the end
and who will stand for us
oh who shall we send?

what

2.2401 : 11/29/11 : Your Spirit Is Free (Seventeen Nights 11/17)

Your spirit is free
I suppose
sure not there in the shell
in these old white clothes
and mine still tied
to gravity
what's it all mean?
I guess I'll have to
wait and see

what

2.2400 : 11/28/11 : Deep (Seventeen Nights 10/17)

Too tired for trying to be deep
and what's coming won't keep
And gets plenty deep on its own
a sinking stone
and the ripples spread out
change regret and doubt
deep revision and pause
and no escape clause
except the elephant of the hour
What feels like weakness
could be power
or is that wishful thinking
to ease to sleep
these waters are too damn deep

what

thinking of the things that hurt most of the time

So that was volume 2.13, Large Notebook, wherein I started a series of seventeen songs the point and premise of which I have absolutely no idea or recollection.  Five days in, the call came in the middle of the night, and the doctor told me that Dad had died, alone in the night - which was very like him. And four days later that book was done.  And on we go to volume 2.14: Inheritance 1.

what

2.2399 : 11/27/11 : Plot (Seventeen Nights 9/17)

Oh, well then
where did I see this plot?
Ha, ha, ha
much surprised?
No I thought not
thinking of the things
that hurt most of the time
an overused rhyme
No easy answers
and no quick cures
a lot of open handed gestures
and I'm not sures
a lot of crosses to cross
a lot of dots to dot
trying to gather up
the thread of this plot

what

2.2398 : 11/26/11 : Burden (Seventeen Nights 8/17)

Soon I'll take my own burden
up again
Laid to rest
but at best
it'll be the beginning's end
nothing's really ever over
So I said
and so it seems
still waiting
to see you shadow my dreams
the book is ever taken up
one hand to another
the road goes ever on and on
as father becomes brother
in the struggle
in the story
in the legacy of saints
One day similarly
may I throw off
my restraints

what

2.2397 : 11/25/11 : Very Weak (Seventeen Nights 7/17)

Very weak
I know how that one feels
I know how that one feels
I know how that one feels
What do last words reveal
it's not about that but
I can't help but ask what
I can't help but ask why
and far from the high peak
your answers seem
very weak

what

2.2396 : 11/24/11 : Perspective (Seventeen Nights 6/17)

How long will
the perspective last
Something a step above
the half full glass
You hope it might be
a little more
but time tempers all
that's what it's for
Lord just get me
through this week
no time to wander
no time to seek
will I get out of it yet
with a little insight
really just a sliver
needle sharp and bright

what

2.2395 : 11/23/11 : Stages (Seventeen Nights 5/17)

Left and left no
room for stages
no long processing
across the pages
what a magic trick
slipped through the floor
beyond denial
gone, evermore
Shoulda seen there'd be
no bargaining for you
struck the deal a long way back
stuck with it through and through
though I may be oh so angry
though I may be oh so sad
in the end I'll just accept
thanks for the time
and love you, Dad

what

2.2394 : 11/22/11 : Cake (Seventeen Nights 4/17)

Fuck enlightenment
give me cake
nothing at all to do with me
what's at stake
I read they're occupying
just every place
I'll type a comment on it
while I shove cake in my face
Let them eat it
I said oh hells, yeah
Call out the militia
I put on bells, yeah
to those as do the dirty work
I say excuse the mess I make
It's just my special destiny
involves a lot of eating cake

what

2.2393 : 11/21/11 : Another Piece (Seventeen Nights 3/17)

Try to be intentional
try to be deliberate
but life just keeps handing out
another piece of -
wait for it -
another shoe
another block
the stumbling kind
another shock
not knowing ever
what comes next
another piece
of sacred text?
I'd gladly give
my piece to you
but that option's
not offered, true

what

2.2392 : 11/20/11 : Almost (Seventeen Nights 2/17)

Almost went down
the same road again
at the last moment
picked up my pen
purely for form
not an ounce of desire
gone the dreamer
gone the fire
tell myself
it's temporary
the call that gas
learned optimism baby
but I'm not waiting
for surprises
angel men
in rough disguises
not looking for
props or bling
almost past
looking for anything

what

2.2391 : 11/19/11 : Anger Wrought (Seventeen Nights 1/17)

And all that
anger wrought
was forgetting this
plus angry thought
that turns and
curdles the heart
poisoning the mood
and spoiling the start

what

2.2390 : 11/18/11 : Lost

I was compelled to contemplate
how little I have lost
and the sin of taking for granted
and its terrible cost
Do not hesitate to send the letter
Now is the only time to make it better
Loss comes for all
its hunger can't be sated
and its mark on me so far
it scarcely can be rated
Be brave declare your love
he here below as you imagine it above
loss serves its purpose
but it is harsh, unforgiving
remind you life is for nothing
but hard joyous living
stand up hold out your hand
beckon sadly to the lost and promised land

what

2.2389 : 11/17/11 : My New Favorite Number

My new favorite number
is seventeen
prime: and best of all
it's not thirteen
Nineteen's a loser
been smoking for a year
still doesn't get
that the question's the cure
seventeen
not quite legal
yet old enough
to stand as the regal
inheritor
of the traditional crown
and this is it baby
I'm creaming, I'm down
don't ask questions
I won't answer
nor more marks
get bleeding with the lancer
everything you seek
is hidden in between
and I'll observe forever
every seventeen

what

2.2388 : 11/16/11 : Permanent

Let's figure out this guy
this permanent guy
you say you got to get to
so down so fly
stacking cash and followers
crashing glass and swallows spurs
this guy I am
wish he had a little
a stash a plan
a crank up fiddle
busk with a cat on the boulevard
feel so soft when you want to come hard
nothing much down here
is permanent
try to pay the bills
try to make the rent
better imagine and make it good
can you say enough? I knew you could

what

2.2387 : 11/15/11 : Temporary

Expiration of the temporary
Decant into the
rental flesh
grim and stationary
now check out
better to come
being big not small
being smart not dumb
so glad
that thing's over
so glad to be moving on
gonna get all permanent on you
ride in all the way up
the tower of song

what

2.2386 : 11/14/11 : Slow Lightning

It hit like lightning
like real slow lightning
It doesn't light you up
it only slows me down
ran out of grease
and grabbed the
molasses
now that's a conundrum
hope its strike soon passes

what

2.2385 : 11/13/11 : Better Judgment

Wrong about being right
right about being wrong
despite my better judgment
signing another numbers game song
an inauspicious date
a better one to come
no one could be much surprised
to hear I'm acting dumb
what's one more day hey
really one or two
will you remember
the one nice thing I said to you
least I'm not lit up
hitting fire or the booze
I gotta be a winner baby
because you just cannot lose

what

2.2384 : 11/12/11 : The Numbers Game

It's all been
the numbers game
and I say it ends tonight
asolipnd if you say it's just the same
Well I cannot dispute
my word on this
has ill repute
but still I stand to say it
this is the hand I intend to play it
you say it is a hard row
well I intend to hoe it hard
well I intend this solipsistic date
is a number
that will embed like a crystal shard
so i can relax on the
technicalities
one year will just lead to another
let he who waits
surprised, as he sees:

what

2.2383 : 11/11/11 : The Ultimate Cheat

Time travel is
the ultimate cheat
get ahead of everyone
get them all beat
anticipate success
I have not have not earned
aw the cost of it
Oh lord it burned
I listened to
the future of the all
I dreamed of redemption
I dreamed of the call
the song that sang to me
go back twenty years
have to relive the memories
have to relive the tears
but here in the future
it is pure and blessed
forgive me my time travel
the now I've messed

what

2.2382 : 11/10/11 : Fooled

I'm not fooled
I'm not foolin'
the moment is so right
not afraid to say
I'm droolin'
none will notice
none will care
I'm an army of one here
hell yeah I'm there
glad it went down this way
gambling on tomorrow guy
he won't get his bit to say
So the next 2x
is all blue sky
fooled the masses
fooled the set
the family will give me
the benefit of the doubt you bet
I'm not fooled
Yo I'm not foolin'
it all remains to be seen
from here on out
I'm coolin'

what

2.2381 : 11/09/11 : Cut

Surely not percentage
on thinking on all
the cuts I didn't make
might well be instructive
to think on the chances
I didn't take
what are my chances
what is the cut
that I am shooting
try to stay clean
I need my game
for what I'm executing
no rulers no bosses now
I alone am
responsible for the cut
and I'm in a bad place
my mind is full
of all yes, but

what

2.2380 : 11/08/11 : Too Much

When do you say too much
when do you say enough?
How do you choose what stays
and what gets thrown off the bluff
problems old as people
but has anyone solved
or just shuffled deck chairs
while disaster evolved
this race must say enough
this race must say too much
but we don't seem inclined
we've never had the touch
for being kind or thoughtful
being frugal or wise
and when the consequence comes
damn we'll still act surprised

what

2.2379 : 11/07/11 : First One

My lips said
the first one
ha ha ha
you fall for that?
don't peek - ah ah
not one spark left
to judge so far
First one done
and I'll not mar

what

2.2378 : 11/06/11 : Numbers

Well for sure it's had its ups and downs
I thought a long lie in would be a nice surprise
seemed to be working thought I was cheering up
but the numbers said otherwise
So tired of the numbers ruling my mood
but I've seen the wages of turning my back
and thought it makes for a rotten afternoon
I hump another month of numbers on the stack
no vacation no day off slacker
you will pay double for what you've already done
the numbers say no shoes no haircuts
the numbers say no toys no books no fun
so like I say it's got its ups and downs
You're tired of hearing about it I'm sure
I look night and day for a solution to the numbers
but for now they're just a thing I must endure

what

2.2377 : 11/05/11 : Pay

I guess I signed up for
this nasty day
I guess at some point
I said I would pay
If I don' like it
I can slap my own face
If I don't like it
I can fuck off into space
It will wear off
I'll regrow my liver
Odd times recall to mind
with just the slightest shiver
at this day's end
I will collect my pay
and meekly bring it home
yest just like everyday

what

2.2376 : 11/04/11 : Long Playing

long playing;
then comes being grup
hell did we sign up for this
this long bitter cup
I won't feel bad
I won't regret
I won't deny this
glory I could still get
here's to Paul
Apostle of what's real
don't give up
what might be is a sword of steel
such a good night
I hope it eases your soul
you are my everything
you are my burning coal

what

2.2375 : 11/03/11 : Arches

All kinds of futures
all kinds of dreams
these are the arches
these are the beams
I dreamed of a structure
in all my debris
I couldn't name a piece of it
that I could say was me
so many have purpose
a nice shining badge
me looking for any
quick touch I can cadge
look up for my arches
see nothing but trees
try to fit a future in
my parentheses

what

2.2374 : 11/02/11 : Real Things

I don't know that the good feeling
is coming back
oh you always feel that way
when you're having an attack
but if it all just really
swings and swings
what makes one or the other
the real things?
work and work because
the work is there
though you do not enjoy it
and your do not care
why buy there's a guarantee
of purpose or calling
might as well behave
that the sky is falling
raining, and pouring
bucketing down real things
piling up the edges as the troubadour sings
if it all just really
swings and swings
what makes one or the other
the real things?
What makes one or the other
the real things?

what

2.2373 : 11/01/11 : How Small

How dull the colors of the dreams
how small this list of things become
what happened who can take the blame
who gets to feel morose and dumb
I should be kicking should be pushing
trying to expand the sack
that's cinched me up and closed me in
and presses me from front to back
how small the little loops we plod
how dull the tarnished orb
how bland this porridge pabulum
this slouching fog that will absorb
what little color's left remaining
muffle and defeat my call
ensnare my feet and leave me lost
in this dull castle's keep so small

what

2.2372 : 10/31/11 : Running

Still running
yeah I guess
still trying for the perfect night
trying to feel blessed
the attitude
numbers and signs
the seen and unseen
the track and mine's
the well worn path
well worn worries
guess maybe I'm still
running from furies
say that's it
say wrap it up
say tomorrow tomorrow
I'll throw of this cup

what

2.2371 : 10/30/11 : Treasure

Boxes of gold rings and gems
rounds and ingots pouches of dust
jade cups with platinum stems
worrying about moths and rust
act like I know what really counts
oh I do but I want treasure
of the glittery sort in vast amounts
stored up piled up without measure
forgive me for a dragon's heart
for not appreciating
for letting it all in my art
of poisoning my creating

what

2.2370 : 10/29/11 : Clever or Nice

Clever clever clever or
nice nice nice
momma told you once
she won't tell you twice
it doesn't always work out
sweet as pie
And not momma no nor
nobody else can tell you why
I tried being clever
I tried to be nice
why not both at once
it sounds like paradise
because momma said it
doesn't make it so
and if I manage to prove it
I'll let you know

what

2.2369 : 10/28/11 : Have a Sexy Racist Halloween You Stupid Motherfucking Crackers

Have a sexy, racist Halloween
you stupid motherfucking crackers
That's a nice Pancho Villa you've tarted up
with your tits painted like maracas
Whatever happened to spacemen, and hobos
You with your suicide bomber lingerie
Along with the hijab and veil
in case you weren't subtle enough with the cliché
So have a sexy, racist Halloween
you stupid motherfucking crackers
When I see you in your feathers with your wampum sign
I'd like to treat you with a brick in you smackers
That's a real nice coolie hat with your kimono
slant your eyes up and say velly koor
you're mixing Chinese up with Japanese
like you give half a shit I'm sure
With your ghetto braids
your tiki witch doctor
Even your moms said you were
So damn dumb you shocked her
But you made it all so sexy
even in blackface and blacker
So have a sexy, racist Halloween
you happy motherfucking crackers

what

2.2368 : 10/27/11 : Tonight

I don't want to
So I won't
Don't want to say anything
more tonight, so I won't

what

2.2367 : 10/26/11 : The Light

Oh this tunnel has gone on so long
become far more than metaphor
I forgot when I ran into it
I forgot what I was running for
am I seeing something up there
surely it's imagination
after dreaming of it so long
just a daydream of frustration
maybe I'll ignore it
just pretend there's nothing there
better than another disappointment
nothing up ahead but air
maybe no matter what I do
the light will come unbidden
no branches off this tunnel
nothing will remain hidden
nothing will remain the same
the light reveals a new source
the light reveals the opening
though I am still me of course

what

2.2366 : 10/25/11 : Tick

What makes me tick
What makes me tick
How sick will I have to become
before I'm sick of being sick
what's motivating
why so frustrating
if it's all running on clockwork
then why the hell am I creating
why not nothing
you think I'm bluffing
no I will lie a hundred years here
while the rodents eat my stuffing
oh take your pick
spit bite or lick
see if you can get a taste
what makes me tick

what

2.2365 : 10/24/11 : Shape

A shape half imagined
eludes my grasp
seems like a gold ring
seems like an asp
seems like a feather
seems like a knife
now you think it's funny
but this is my life
If I can't get the shape
will I always be stalled
is to find it to get lucky
or to get called
stop thinking about it
I wish that I could
if I could cut the shape out
you know that I would

what

2.2364 : 10/23/11 : That Form

I see that shape that form
feel I'm almost apprehending
ever since I was a worm
tiny uncomprehending
I think to touch it once
will turn all wrong to right
I really think I'm such a dunce
prone to stay up at night
muttering chasing the form
that likely can't even exist
nothing there to keep me warm
and God think what I missed

what

2.2363 : 10/22/11 : Long

I'm still an artist with
the long goodbye
I feel another coming
my oh my
so much to forget
so much stolen and lost
I get dizzy
when I count each cost
I'm not going to hang around
make a stir
it'll all turn on
just how it's
meant to, sure
another day will come
good byes said and gone
and the next stretch
oh is going to be so long

what

2.2362 : 10/21/11 : Ladder

Shaky on the ladder
trying hard to climb
live up to the fantasy
of yesterday's rhyme
no doubt about it
boy can I be dumb
now I'm hanging on this ladder
by my teeth and one thumb

what

2.2361 : 10/20/11 : Some October Night

Some October night
October there's been 39 others
give me peace, a moment
Call up all my spirit brothers
I don't have to live in the past
I don't have to fear the future
this moment is truly all I have
consciousness joined by a fragment suture
I can drop the beat
I can fantasize the novel
I will not admit defeat
I will not scrape and grovel
here is now and I'm okay
I made the best, the best
I'll ask simple questions
watch amazed as I pass the test

what

2.2360 : 10/19/11 : A Little Better

A little better should be all I ask
a little extra to complete the task
Once upon a time I dreamed of a mask
two decades later I decant the flask
Seeing I have so much of what I dreamed
with that thought in me I just grinned and beamed
at how the precious kernel glowed and gleamed
a little better is just how it seemed
what's gone on up to now is not complete
I've had my bitter and I've had my sweet
little guessed at the fine souls I'd meet
no metaphor now let me be concrete
I'm blessed like crazy with my wife and son
So free and gorgeous watch you grow and run
I dare to say the fun has just begun
next day will be the little better one

what

2.2359 : 10/18/11 : What With

What with the worm
and the constant failing
the simple plan I keep
complexly derailing
I'd like to take a break but you know
it's just not in the cards
guess that it's just
a tough season for bards

what

2.2358 : 10/17/11 : Driving the Year Nail

Will I know
when a year has come to pass
I'm terrified
at what a year may find
has come to pass
but I can't let fear
derail me now
that cannot be the altar
to which I bow
Hey stranger
Where you at these days
still I hear your chords
and wonder who pays
listen for a minute more
ten years gone what was in store

try to feel an upbeat lift
try to feel this day's a gift
365 and the what hey?
try to call another brave new day
Felt I could not measure up
appreciate the non-empty cup
could not count you went so fast
and look at what went past
fast and brilliant
not my type
I cannot cannot
credit the hype
call it driving the year nail
another year
my skills will pale

what

2.2357 : 10/16/11 : Real Change

Many calling for real change
easy said
seems impossible to do
not done with demonstrations
not done sudden
impromptu
can you change yourself
I still wrestle
with that every day
real change is slow coming
whether you
plan or pray
what would it
look like after
hell do we
even know
what kind of change we're courting
as for me
I'm smelling snow

what

2.2356 : 10/15/11 : Against Entropy

What's I'm up to tonight
with my engine against entropy
trying to shut it off with
wads of text and pictures pretty
seems when you get enough
of us together in one space
me might as well be random
particles colliding out in space
the protesters will disperse
and nothing will change change change
We'll keep heating up the planet
keep pushing out our dirty range
against entropy
we can't even manage to be nice
what's I'm up to tonight
daydreaming about paradise

what

2.2355 : 10/14/11 : The Last One of its Kind

I want to believe hard I just
saw the last one if its kind
but time is pitiless
and I have trouble with my mind
Heaven knows there's nothing
to say that hasn't been said before
I hoped if it was not enough convict
maybe at least it would start to bore
the beast asleep that rouses and shouts
for old comforts in the night
but did not stupefy
my sense of wrong and right
not at the midnight
no not at the third
the last one of its kind lives
on the strength of just my word

what

2.2354 : 10/13/11 : Miserable

So miserable I forgot to sing
how did I remember anything
I was dwelling on the one
who's so better than me
I was dwelling on a real
old definition of three
I was dwelling on the man
who did a killing spree
Good lord
it makes a miserable shivaree
tempted to leave it there
but I've got to dig in
there's no more space
left to be a dimwit pig in
I can only be myself
one still learning to start there
until I get it right
lay my soul cupboard-bare
I'm getting stronger
so you wicked men beware
I might just have notion yet
and I am in the mood to share

what

2.2353 : 10/12/11 : Positive Steps

Positive steps for mental health
practice silence practice stealth
practice reading lesser minds
peeling back their thoughts like rinds
pursuant to the plain advice
I'll mix it up by paying twice
we're so upright so in our shells
seeking positive steps out of
commonplace Hells
Get in a group and scan for cover
I might just come out like a new man, lover

what

2.2352 : 10/11/11 : Veils

No matter how loud
the background chatter
I bull through bearing
his head upon the platter
storm up to you
well what now mocker?
Still that smile on her face
all I could take not to sock her
Now all the veils
are trodden in dust
and we're all back to waiting
to doing what we must
I'd ask was it worth it
did it make your day
to bring out his worst
by your dancing that way
Should I bother to say more
to try to get through
there'll always be ones
dancing heedless like you
not paying mind
to the glimpse through the veils
not paying heed
till your head's on the rails

what

2.2351 : 10/10/11 : Thirteen Minus One

Sure I remember
thirteen, minus one
and then?
I lost count
time and other things
fly when you're having fun
oh hell,
you again?
I need a lesson
to be taught my stupid brain
I need to make it stick stick stick
but just for now
there's only ordinary pain
and ugly dancing
as I kick, kick, kick

what

2.2350 : 10/09/11 : One One One

One, one, one
hope I give the ball
enough English
hope I remember it
as the start
not the finish
hope I remember
each and every day
that dawns, and happens
then passes, fades away
I'm still alive
hell what a note
hope I remember
words that stuck in my throat
as I pondered this thing
just now, just begun
launched into uncertainty
by
one, one, one

what

2.2349 : 10/08/11 : Ultimate and Undisputed

There's no ultimate
and undisputed
sorry for the runaround
the point, well
the point was disputed
but I have to figure out
how that truth doesn't
raise a rout
I need a better handle on
whatever it has been
So long
distraction and
such lack of sleep
the waves of sad
depression deep
it isn't here
it isn't now
the ultimate, oh anyhow
the undisputed
same same old
the kingdom of inertia
foretold

what

2.2348 : 10/07/11 : Ultimate(II)

What is it
with me and the ultimate
is everybody
hung up on the end
like that
not death
nor a tale
and era, maybe?
when I know so well
it all just goes
and goes and
goes on baby

what

2.2347 : 10/06/11 : Gravity

Can't seem to escape
the gravity of late
the pull of hard distraction
lingering at the gate
can't seem to avoid
evade or dodge or duck
at least I'm staying on the pah
but I'm getting tired as fuck

what

2.2346 : 10/05/11 : Undisputed

Undisputed
ill reputed
the tape's not muted
it's all right there
I listen intently
what it meant we
posited gently
but the disposition
our position
whatever it takes
the feeling makes
a small example
a representative sample
I will leave it there
a word beyond compare

Undisputed
ill reputed
the tape's not muted
it's all right there
I listen intently
what it meant we
posited gently
but the disposition
our position
whatever it takes
the feeling makes
a small example
a representative sample
I will leave it there
a word beyond compare

what

2.2345 : 10/04/11 : Ultimate

Ultimate and undisputed
despite everything despite the
ill reputed
journey of discovery
a voyage I'm reminded
and the truth to which all
but a few were blinded
If we don't get better
it could get ugly quick
but how many
and how long they
been beating the drum
that particular stick
I know what I want
and I know what I ought
but as to the ultimate end
I haven't given it a thought

what

2.2344 : 10/03/11 : Work

I prayed for work and
work came
I didn't like it much
but life is not
really a game
So I'll stretch stretch stretch
out my hand
and do my work
like I pretended I planned
what would it take
to get me to trust
it's not enough just
to say you must
It's not enough
don't think I'm a jerk
I just hoped a little
for a little higher kind of work

what

2.2343 : 10/02/11 : Then

Then turn turn again
I don't know what it would mean to win
I'm no leader no visionary
all I can do not to stay stationary
give me freedom or give me teevee
all I really want is serendipity
all I really want is a hard slow burn
all I really want is for this worm to turn

what

2.2342 : 10/01/11 : Scientific Happy

You bet I want some of
that scientific happy
that you talked about
in that book that you gave me
sure feel like I need something
and I'd like it to be snappy
and if it helps the bottom line
hey that's just gravy
try hard to believe in change
hard as it may be today
doing what I did fourteen years back
for two bucks and then two quarters more
I guess I should have guessed as well
that you would run right off and play
I guess I'll put that aside now
to object would be such a bore
maybe some scientific happy
will make it all a little smoother
work and home life
the daddy trip and such
for though I seem to be a
beggar and cannot be a chooser
as it's been lately
forgive me but it's felt a little much

what