2.702 : 4/5/07 : For Art’s Sake

I left the ivory tower
for art’s sake
Said what I could not
learn there I’d have to fake
And I’m bemused
at where I find I’ve landed
I couldn’t call it fate
and your technique
seems underhanded
And do I trust too much
And leave too much to chance
and do I work too little
fake it with a little dance
and will I ever learn
to only live the day I’m in
and will I ever stop
waiting for the signal
to begin?
And will I ever stop
wondering what it’s like
On the take
not as long as I toil
in this holy field
for art’s sake

what

2.701 : 4/4/07 : Mandate

Every other law has been
tossed to history’s dustbin
equality is not all
it’s been cracked up to
I’d love to have
exceptions to
your mandate you delivered
cause there’s plenty who
deserve to be smacked up too
I’d love to have been given
liturgical justification
but it’s fairly clear
you meant no codicil
so I am left with knowing
I am one of many
Called not chosen
left here waiting
leaning out
over the windowsill
 
what

2.700 : 4/3/07 : Indefinite Hiatus

All the best teams
are broken up now
what’s left seems
so frail somehow
it must have been
a spirit of another age
all that we’ve got now
it seems
a spirit to disengage
really what’s so bad
about being second fiddle
the benefits of following
surely aren’t such a riddle
I’d love to be somebody’s foil
rest easy in their shadow
let them take the spotlight
let the the public pressure
press them flat, oh
but but those days
it seems are done
you’re no one or
the chosen one
and I know which boot
fits this foot
and just which place
that steel toe will be put

what

2.699 : 4/2/07: Iteration

Another iteration of
the same old situation of
the action of creation
by a man who won’t accept his station
I am not a plutocrat
and though I’ve voted Democrat
I’m not partisan like that
the head’s too big for my hat
I’d like to put the world on trial
and hold mankind’s fate in a vial
evidence of who touched the dial
got buried in the pentagon file
leaving me but to iterate
the fine line between church and state
but if I give up clean the slate
I know it would be little too late
So I pile another stack
keep my counsel, plan attack
and pray that someone has my back
and God will make up what I lack

what

2.698 : 4/1/07 : Accustomed to Desire

I am accustomed to uncertainty
and impotence is known to me
and I have labored over ages
to attain serenity
I have writ ten thousand pages
I have earned a servant’s wages
but I do not have a slave’s heart
and my freeman’s blood still rages
I pull the thread from craft to art
insist I’m ready now to start
become accustomed to desire
before these chains pull me apart
and cast me to the watchman’s fire
that waits for me beyond the wire
inevitable undying pyre
sole thing to which I can aspire

what

2.697 : 3/31/07 : This Is Your Brain

I beg forgiveness
for another bit of business
that goes south
from the start
right out the gate
begins to fall apart
I took my chances
on a thousand random dances
From this side
seems not so bright
oh drop a hook
the chance is I’ll still bite
this is your brain
on fucking crazy
this is the force
irresistible
I know you’re convinced
you caught me being lazy
but your evidence
is not admissible
this is the end
that sounds like the beginning
the inexorable logic of timing
I know it sounds
like I’m lost, but I’m winning
that’s the victory bell
you hear chiming

what

2.696 : 3/30/07 : Practical Exam

Aim for the practical
extract it all
apply it to
the present day
the only way
to pass through
to transcendence
After the practical exam
whatever’s left is just a sham
and if I pass
or fail
it leaves a trail
long past dependence
on a structured form
run cool or warm
react or demure
adapt to be sure
that nothing’s ever certain
persist the same
still play the game
wake on the floor
told to ignore
the thing behind the curtain

what

2.695 : 3/29/07 : Alchemy

Transformation proceeds they say
proceeds from where
the origin
divided from the
sacred stream
they called it
First principles
original sin
if I mastered alchemy
remote viewing
self hypnotism
I would force the call to come
preventing some
dull cataclysm
until then I guess
I’ll have to
grow used to my station
hoping something’s
going on proceeding
to transformation

what

2.694 : 3/28/07 : 100

How many days will pass
and then how many more?
100 days will pass and then
100 more
100 days will pass
and then 100 more
to move in no direction
what is anything good for?
100 more
and soon another year is gone
getting close again
the second thousandth song
move in no direction
wait and see
so long
100 years of solitary
going on

what

2.693 : 3/27/07 : Intent

So intent on
the gap the failing
the pit the hole
the shaky railing
my intention
I can’t recall
it anymore or
what it was at all
In the tent with
the holy of holies
praying to figure
how to pull a fast one
on the prollies
such an unGodly mission
such a hairsbreadth from a crime
I’d gladly go
the whole way down
If I weren’t scared
to do the time
So instead I cool my heels
wait for a message
heaven sent
or failing that
a pointed push
or failing that
intent

what

2.692 : 3/26/07 : Your Life

Sometimes the sounds of necessity
drill into your head like pure anger
close eyes and count to infinity
drive the needle back from red danger
all the paths the switchback turnings
dodging the bullets and wielding the knife
tell yourself it’s all leading somewhere
tell yourself this is not your life
I get used to all the noise and static
the drone of endless vigilance
I get inured to the lost and erratic
random walk of circumstances
I put it all on this number, that one
it never amounted to much though
it always sounded like a plan would be fun
but I always broke down to touch and go
I should be happy with all I’m given
what pathetically passes for strife
but if it were you wouldn’t you like me
ache for there to be more to your life

what

2.691 : 3/25/07 : Grind

2,883 : 5 ?



What a wonderful innovation
the grind seemed
after we uselessly
sought after beauty
and knowledge and
after we uselessly dreamed
What a palimpsest diary
revised and eradicated
What an illusion
of industry I predicated
on a thought
that turned out to be
all rot
fit only for the grind
and clearly nothing special
just endless days
and this fresh hell

what

2.690 : 3/24/07 : Wicked

Wicked substandard gentile apostate
nonquality poor convert low worldly reprobate
why am I tortured with
a little knowledge
why am I tortured with
a little spark
why am I plagued with
ambiguous ambition
why am I still left in the dark
anger is a poison
desire is a trick
jealousy’s the devil’s snare
but you, Lord wield the stick
the irony is
things would not be
better off without me here
and that’s truly the only reason
I don’t elect
to disappear
 
what

2.689 : 3/23/07 : Couldn’t Hurt

It couldn’t hurt
to pretend to be hopeful
It couldn’t hurt
to fake a smile
it couldn’t hurt to try
to testify
and go the extra mile
there’s no excuse
for not just trying
no excuse
for going graceful
Sure I’ve heard
you’re never dressed without a smile
so here’s a facefull
Sure I’ve heard
you fake it till you make it
smash my head
against the wall
regrets I’ve had
a barrel of them
heading over the big falls
While I sort this nonsense out
permit me one small boon
let me suffer in the
ignorant belief
that something has to come up soon

what

2.688 : 3/22/07 : Bad

True it’s bad
could be worse
probably will be
someday
sure I’m sad
but that’s the curse
cure’s the hearse
as we’ll all see
I’d say

what

2.687 : 3/21/07 : Mad

I had a little
set back
it made me mad
I had to feel like
as if
I’d been had
What I’ve been
looking for looking for
I do not see at all
I don’t even know
what it was
or who I thought would call

what

WRT: Profanity

The issue of "bad words" is an open one, to my mind, and a complicated one.  One of the problems (and it's far from the only one) with content warnings is that you can't rely on them.  I've decided to note in my public sharing of song postings when one is what I deem profane, and I've also added a tag for this content, but at the end of the day anyone can drill right into the raw content of the song of the day via an errant search.  I've thought about marking the content as adult in Blogger but that forces every visitor to click through a warning screen and I dislike that.

To a large extent my attitude is that, you know, the internet has bad words on it and anyone who wants to use it is just going to have to deal with that.  The other side of this is that I never think it's a bad thing to provide more information about such issues and so that's what I've done.  It will be a very long time (at current rates of progress) before I catch up with all the archives though so the "profane" tag must be considered in no wise comprehensive.

I will say I seem to be becoming less prone to lean on shocking words, why the other day I even changed the title at "It's Rome, Baby!", my museum of a 20 year retrospective sampling of self-generated text, 1986 - 2006.  For years I'd been calling it "This is your brain on Fucking Crazy".

Don't say I didn't warn you.

what

2.686 : 3/20/07 : Fake Book

I need a fake book
not just for the songs but
for the whole thing
For what I make book
think that there’d be something
in it some bell would ring
What’s a call
if there’s no one to be calling
What’s this price
it was not me who did the
falling
Put it in the fake book
just another play
on words mighty as
atom bombs
now the gloves are off
they’re calling
frigid cunts and
uncle toms
I’ve got my fake book
write another chapter
on illusion
cut off quite sudden
knowing all the time that
it will just add to the
confusion

what

2.685 : 3/19/07 : Flown To

Flown to the
winged seed that’s grown to
the tree that was
blown to hell and gone
for a thing called
you and me
the goldfinches are
background
and there’s still a few
red squirrels
left in this town
midnight’s strike
will tear off that
wedding gown
and wherever you get left
is just where you’ll be
and I’ll laugh at you
staked out on the lawn
like a suburban sacrifice
or maybe I’ll just yawn
it’s a lie that things are
darkest before the dawn
but I won’t argue that point
frankly

what

2.684 : 3/18/07 : Push On to March

2,875 : 13 ?



When every foundation is turned to chalk
dissolved in an acidic tide
yet all that there is
is what ever was
as long as this world that was
let be abides
Push on again Andromachene
March to the pulse of the machine
Until the sweet release
of heaven’s falling:

When iron extinguished the heart of a star
exploded in silver and gold
gave birth to a scion
ringed ‘round with nine
but only one’s story can now be told

You’ve come so far now
little seed
Push on to march
melee and bleed
Until to earth
like each achene
before you

what

2.683 : 3/17/07 : Strange Dreams

If this is not the voyage
then I’m never going on it
there’s no room left for avoidance
there’s no way to get beyond it
I’m just blue because I’m sick
and when I sleep I have strange dreams
that leave me pondering a schism
where nothing is where it seems

what

2.682 : 3/16/07 : Designer for the Stars

How little they require
a sphere of fusion
evolution of fire
teach me how to draw
I’ll draw my bars
I’m just a pinprick of light
designer to the stars

what

2.681 : 3/15/07: Too Sick to Dance

Too sick to dance
this dance around
the losing hope
and losing ground
I can’t tell if it’s
real or just
the sickness that
erodes all trust
what a weak faith
oh damn my eyes
too sick to hope
for a surprise

what

2.680 : 3/14/07 : Daydream

I was dreaming about
my friend who’d gone free
how he spotted the big one
and the first one he called was me
how we hooked a notion
such a sure thing
we started our work
with a vacation
if it sounds very familiar
well it’s all just variation
on a daydream
half awake
in some tent
on some school break
and I’m a boy again
of twelve or ten
listening to
nature’s morning
my own personal
dawn of time
before I did the time
for doing the crime
that’s how it appeared to me
in the middle of my daydream
about my friend
who had gone free

what

2.679 : 3/13/07 : Stumbling Block

Don’t have much expectation of
a real fair shake
And having grown inured to
all the liberties you take
but even I in all my bitter
skeptic’s garb am shocked
to see that only you can
be held liable for my stumbling block
I guess I’m crazy to expect
because I ought that then you will
and now to mention it was you
who quipped thou shalt not kill
And I’ve heard all the arguments
exotic dumb and stock
And me I just look stupid
sitting puzzling over my stumbling block
Imagine I’ll get past it
someday after the harm’s all done
since I refuse to choose attack
or bow to the way of the gun
my stumbling blocks may become
steps that get me over the wall
But I must carry them so far
to someplace I can’t see at all


what

2.678 : 3/12/07 : Ongoing Investigation

Our ongoing investigation
has revealed an anomaly
which appears as the face
of a messiah on a grilled cheese
served between the homage
and the homily
And in a study of a thousand
visitations of the Holy Spirit
not once did a thing show up
in the pictures
we examined them twice
applied mercury and ice
left the evidence
hanging from the fixtures
Our ongoing investigation
suggested people only
half expect prayer to work
but we’re well pleased to say
when we took the household
icons away
more than half reported
that they felt a little
jerk

what

2.677 : 3/11/07 : The Letter

I started the letter
finished starting past midnight
another distraction
another other dim light
yet the letter
might save your life
don’t forget intent
is fortune’s wife
I’m not going to
break the code for you
And knowledge is a
heavy load it’s true
it’s just a memo
a note in time
a little reminder
a missive
a rhyme

what

2.676 : 3/10/07 : Vanguard

The velvet invasion will be
dull as dirt
get a little more stingy
watch the man lose his shirt
it’d be a shame to waste all that
concept of capital
why not sweep in with the vanguard
why not have it all
I’ve dreamed my perfect revolution
in a thousand subtle turnings
while I piled up more IOUs
and the ministry of love
docked my earnings
but hell us early adopters
always gotta pay the vanguard tax
sometimes get a fat IPO back
sometimes get stuck with the betamax
I couldn’t even tell you
if I really believe any of it now
it seems just too convenient
it could be both a cash and a sacred cow
I wonder what will really happen
when your great object meets our blunt force tip
I guess we’ll find out by and by
how paradox impacts our vanguard trip

what

2.675 : 3/9/07 : Retreat

The flashing images entice me
to a great last stand in vain
But the yarrow sticks assure
that in retreat there’s certain gain
A whole life’s opportunity
might lurk in every day
constrained by the tragic math
the little we can see or say
Fool enough to act as if
this one is any better
elect not to move an inch
record this morsel write this letter
seems certain enough the great work
will stay buried in the ground
until I find the treasure map
until I find the workaround

what

2.674 : 3/8/07 : Scratch

It’s a perfect example
of the way I think
don’t take the time to do a proper sample
when I’m on the brink
follow the stupid money
don’t take the good advice
convinced some luck or destiny
will save me from
the hidden-in-plain-sight price
so what’s another
couple hundred failures in a box
when you believe
beyond all reason
in the key that opens all locks
and that’s how I generate
another page
of not quite up to scratch
God help you all if you are still
waiting for that
ancient egg to hatch

what

2.673 : 3/7/07 : It

This could be it nobody knows
nobody knows
the bus the bomb the asteroid
everything eventually blows
and this was not supposed to be
another inquiry on elegy
that record’s in the can already
Was this meant to inspire
some change some catching fire
and why do you inquire
I can’t escape this serpent turning in
the thoughts white hot keep burning in
what if I’ve tapped the best of it
and now it’s just the rest of it
every cool trip’s been speculated
by a wilder mind than mine contemplated
and I’m not even a real genius very
dubious to call myself a visionary
I’ll pretend I’m caught up
there’s no real chance
Always five steps
behind the dance
And if I succumb
to circumstance
will you spare me a dime
sometimes a glance?

what

2.672 : 3/6/07 : Lack of Reward

Lack of reward
a devilish riddle
I want my cookie
like a little lickspittle
doing for doing
for doing’s own sake
what’s my motivation
I have no stake
I’ve got a twisted idea
about enlightenment
I’m half resigned to living
in this existential tenement
but I could win through all
being angry, frightened, bored
if I could just work out this knot
the devilish riddle
of lack of reward

what

2.671 : 3/5/07 : Spines

2,861 : 0 ?



We see the dragon appear in the field
it looks like a good day to meet the great man
Whatever nonsense I elect to wield
I’ll just knock it out as fast as I can
There comes a point nothing old will work
and the new seems to be bad delayed
and me I’m just sounding like such an odd jerk
and the law remains to be obeyed
suddenly tired of the dire witching hour
and seeking the neon rat maze
I’ll cut things short try to conserve my power
God knows just how many more days
I’ll be called to persist in my odd little trip
generating my ellipsis and lines
parenthetical babble and all I let slip
as I try to bequeath you all spines

what

off the bridge

Hmm, the end of volume 2.4 sort of snuck up on me there.  Volume 2.5: The Creative, starts today.

what

2.670 : 3/4/07 : Bridge to Nowhere

Musta drove about a thousand miles
and seen a thousand turnings
And as I came up on my goal
the question was still burning
over the crest of the hill
a thousand miles from the mainland
I saw its shining shining spans
and clenched the key in my hand
I’d sworn while I was mired in muck
no matter what I’d go there
and now it stretches out before me
behold the bridge to nowhere
and feeling mighty in my veins
The die and how I tossed it
I climbed behind the wheel again
and with a clear mind crossed it

what

2.669 : 3/3/07 : Maybe Real

Maybe real answers don’t come in words
Maybe evil exists merely to thin the herds
Maybe truly nobody is minding the store
I had a thousand answers I still wanted more
I’m stuck with my experience for what it’s worth
Whether I’m rooted to the spot or roam the earth
God said to the devil where you been at cat
Said up and down and back and forth how about that
nobody asks to be made an example
by nature’s light you’re just another sample
thrown into the cauldron of idiot chance
never a dull moment now dance boy dance
Maybe words aren’t much but it’s what I’ve got
Such a short stick to stir the melting pot
Maybe it’s time to just let it all go
wash out with the tides
let the words sink below

 what

2.668 : 3/2/07 : Time Tunnel

My banality makes me scream
so perfectly revealed
in the lucid dream
slouching after
easy sex or smoke
if this is volition
then free will is a joke
I dreamed we hit the time tunnel
old friend
didn’t accomplish much
but we came out
okay in the end
I guess I’m glad
we didn’t break our vow
dreaming awake, past or future
every moment is now
and were you there
a little bit somehow in spirit?
When I asked the question did you
hear it?
The time tunnel yawns then closes
I can only shake my head
at my deficiencies it exposes

what

2.667 : 3/1/07 : Change is Impossible

Change is impossible
because the universe is full
I feel it in my gravity
I feel it in the planet’s pull
I push eventuality
it coils round like a snake
it curves and coils right back at me
work equals zero for the trouble I take
spin equals zero
universe made of energy, not a drop
available to dig us out of this hole
wait for the collapse, the crunch
the pop
 
what

2.666 : 2/28/07 : Script

I’m writing the screenplay
I’m writing the script
I can’t be bothered with the details
I assume that sail
has shipped
you know I’m a scenarist
you know I’m a hack
I may not amount to
anything
but baby I’ve got your back
we all get one story
where we are the star
And the truth of that one
is wherever you go
baby there you are
I can’t write your story
And believe me that’s fine
all I can do is hope
you’ll take the leading role
in mine

what

2.665 : 2/27/07 : Anger and Frustration

radiating from the hind brain
trickling down the spine
anger and frustration pulses
flows downstream the darkest wine
reasons seem all disconnected
all discussion crosstalk
another hour finds my trying to
work it out on the sidewalk
What’s the source of this dark current
what’s its battery
I brood over my small companion
the sincerest form of flattery
surely as I learned it at home
surely as its in my blood
I will see it grow inside him
I can’t nip it in the bud
answers may be in the sutra
answers may be in the book
whatever it may be I doubt
it will let me off the hook

what

2.664 : 2/26/07 : Lack of Slack

Lack of slack in
the life account
desperate in need of time
in any amount
the irony that
fails to amuse
If I had buckets of cash
I’d still have no time to lose
every little thing
gets shoved in sideways
and never any slack
for all my snide plays
but as the sad refrain
of an old song starts
I remember my convictions
in my heart of hearts

what

2.663 : 2/25/07 : Get Organized

2,854 : 5 ?



Get organized for the march
Against the rise of the beast
For the season of transformation
For the wedding feast
Today is eternal, eternally passing
Prepared for the mourning
prepared for the fasting
Got organized for the fight
to turn every stone on its back
add another element
another platter on the stack
Rock the tides to sleep
Rush into the seabound caves
Finding every gem of price
the morning star and what he saves

what

2.662 : 2/24/07 : Briefly

Briefly let me tell you
it feels good to be done
and if it drifts into recursion
hell I’m not the only one
to succumb
There’s still so many questions
what it’s good for,
chiefly
but I’ve no fear of mystery
So I’ll leave it there,
briefly

what

661 : 2/23/07 : More Light

After the flood, after the thrill is gone
after I got down on my knees for you
all night long
After all that we been through after a hard day’s night
all I’ve got left to ask for
is please more light
More light - more, more light
More light - more light, more light, more light
Now that you’ve caught me and put me in my place
At least have the decency
to lie to my face
After 33 years obsessed with being right
I was blinded by the question
oh how I need more light
More light - more, more light
More light - more light, more light, more light
I’ve said it in reverence, I’ve said it in fear
And over and over
convinced no one would hear
After endless explanations
in the elemental night
I turned and turned as I burned for more light
More light - more, more light
More light - more light, more light, more light

what

2.660 : 2/22/07 : Defeat

Defeat and collapse
hear that little sound
it snaps
like a bone
of a bird
in the hand
makes no sound
and
no sympathy inspires
but simply expires

what

2.659 : 2/21/07 : The Consequence

Little as I want to follow through
Little as I’ve got to say in my defense
Much as I would like to forget all I’ve forgotten
nevertheless there is the consequence
Determined as I was to see the matter clear
I set a course that seemed direct
the date was right the symbolism potent
I had a plan and everything was perfect
But now the consequence is all that I recall
all that matters, all predictions futile
And I’ll get over it in just a day or two
as long as I as I can still make you smile

what

2.658 : 2/20/07 : Powerful Impact

Powerful impact
unh! it’s tragic
such an example
of mere human magic
too many inputs
Gasp! I succumb
don’t get me wrong
I’m truly dumb
It’s such a funny
tragic world
all the snark
and invective I hurled
I just keep plugging
plugging plugging
the songs I write
The cliché I’m mugging
the bells I hear indicate a pause
guess I’m about to
invoke my escape clause

what

2.657: 2/19/07 : It’s Harder than You Think

Let go of the past
let ghosts go past
it’s harder than you think
drop perfection’s mask
address the task
could be the missing link
I’m so disappointed in us
no good thing’s anointed in us
we’re not chosen and we’ll vanish in a blink
Guess I’ll dance while Rome burns baby
Wait for my moment who knows maybe
We'll sneak some pieces through
It’s harder than you think

what

2.656 : 2/18/07 : The Spot

The gun has long been loaded
by physics and cosmology
the slate erasing world defacing
God’s own chunk of space debris
What has been will be once more
hell it might be what man is for
we might beat if we could just get organized
we could beat anything but we’re paralyzed
we see our little scraps as the center of it all
we think we’re making history, we’re just a pin in the wall
destined to be lost among the future’s dull addenda
unenlightened rejects with a fool’s agenda
maybe nothing will change, well nothing really has
are we really any better now
despite great wars and all that jazz
And we’ll stumble on our random walk
While our bullet slots the chamber
and our mark gets chalked
and the change will come the same
expected or not
locked and loaded while we slept
X marks the spot

what

2.655 : 2/17/07 : Triple Threat

Ignorance anger and apathy
the triple threat of humanity
I’m so naive I still think
A spiritual solution
could draw us back from the brink
I don’t know, I don’t care and fuck you too
I’ve got mine Jack who the hell are you
Selfishness jealousy and madness add flavor
and insurance that we’re gonna
get just what we pay for
I don’t believe we’re drawing down the final wages
I don’t believe we’ve seen the last of dark ages
The wages of sin are to repeat it all again again
Look around what do you think is happening
I read too many science fiction books
I’m hung up on these futuristic hooks
the details are a dream but the threats seem real
I’m ashamed to admit the idea has some appeal

what

2.654 : 2/16/07 : Chaos Trumps Order

Why doesn’t it seem to be
the same return
so long, so long
from light to dark and
if darkness is just an
absence why is it so strong
It’s all too easy
to see why
chaos trumps order
Why blood is always in the water
violence always at the border
I reach down all the way
to find the light
the light inside
having swallowed
the injunction
its the one thing I must not hide

what

2.653 : 2/15/07 : Now Silence

Music should come first
to drench the thirst
a thousand words won’t
paint a picture of a soul
now silence descends
and truth well it depends
I knew the last line
was never the song’s goal
what if what if
they all just sound the same?
what if I’m truly not
cut out for this game?
I only promised you
three decades Jack
forgot to mention
it’s a sneak attack
I slice through every cord
grown careless dull and bored
Now silence seems like all it left me
I keep my mouth shut round
all doubt or judging sound
So leaving now silent bereft me

what

2.652 : 2/14/07 : Eccentric

The eccentric stutter
in the orbit oh so subtle
the captain simply won’t believe
how badly it will scuttle
every inkling of the mission
the obsession the white whale
like so many before who missed
the forest for their holy grail
the worm that turned inside
eccentric in its winding
and homespun truth in homely garb
is surely what I’m finding
I didn’t set out to be eccentric
though you’ll disbelieve
and to this day I’m shocked
by this dire cup I chose to receive
and though my knees both buckled
at the slightest draught
nevertheless I stand there still
propped up by my eccentric craft

what

2.651 : 2/13/07 : Holy War

The world is drowning in advertisements
product media and schemes
I’m gasping in a shattering shortage
of splendor paradox and dreams
Scriptures suffused with bonus features
commentaries and directors cuts
the yahoos clamor for holy war
unrated action blood and guts
little ants toil day and night
piling up their drifts of sand
winding paths through every hill
at every turn a promised land
between the smallest of the small
all but bound to persist
and our almost absurd largesse
that threatens all things that exist
The holy war is raging stark
no treaty or control
and every pawn awaits its turn
and every bell will one day toll



what

2.650 : 2/12/07 : Transform

Must must transform
must shift must change
replace renew and rearrange
supplant the old
transcend the new
only ever
keep what’s true
where’s the evidence of ending
any final message sending
there’s no sign
of a conclusion
every rule
breeds in exclusion
transform today
from endless night
transform each darkling
clue to light
regardless if you
stand or flee
there will remain
a mystery


what

2.649 : 2/11/07 : Defiance

Despite everything I know to be
In the face of outcomes inevitable
In defiance of sense both sixth and common
I strike a pose that may ring a bell
I know I won’t ever get out of here alive
I know I’m doomed to constant striving
but every moment I’m offered one small choice
to pick between true life and merely surviving

what

2.648 : 2/10/07 : Evil Exists

The saddest things in the world
are happening every day
are happening every day
No matter what beliefs
that I profess that’s not okay
theodicy apology
No I don’t bother with those games
But still it seems evil exists
goes by a thousand thousand names
testify the wind says to me
until dead bones rise
testify until they live again
and all ascend into the skies
the saddest thing that ever was
it comes again over and over
falling fiery from the sky
sunk in fields of bloody clover
In the trenches something born
antagonist to turn our page
a modern face of an old foe
laughing triumphant through this age

what

2.647 : 2/9/07 : Something Called Life

Something must be torn apart
for building to occur
what happens at infinity or
zero I’m not sure
I don’t live at the furthest ends
I’m firmly in the middle
to let my understanding stop there
really is the hardest riddle
somewhere between faith and breath
something called life happens
outside fame, society
and all ephemeral trappings
deep inside the sentient body
static as a standing wave
every word and deed and thought
all I took and all I gave
one day it will all pass on
leaving who knows what
baseless and irrational
I feel it in my gut
that nothing true is ever lost
no matter how it manifests
something called life persists, persists
someone collects the tests

what

2.646 : 2/8/07 : Same Old

Same old thing
again again
perhaps it’s all stuck
in a loop
that stutters like a rolling hat
and what else is there left
to say about that?

what

2.645 : 2/7/07 : Gin 2.0

A stink of juniper and rage
a far past age a far past age
And I will not explain to you
the chorus or refrain to you
I can’t decode my brain for you
Not even if I wanted to
Destruction is so close at hand
For everyman in every land
High explosives bullets gin
A train or bus waits for your walk in
There is that refrain again
And me tight lipped no explanation
gin one gin two point oh nine five
an old story not my story lucky he’s alive
merely riffs on self destruction
neither moral nor instruction
intuition nor deduction
cheap device of deconstruction



what

2.644 : 2/6/07 : Only Civilization

If we ran out of energy
the earth wouldn’t care
Blew it all back to the stone age
nature wouldn’t care
If we succumb, decline decline
God won’t care
what will be will be something
will still be there
Only civilization cares
Only civilization cares
The universe is a big blank stare
Only civilization cares
if America holds on
another hundred years
And Coke taught the world to sing
I couldn’t believe my ears
if we survive the apotheosis
of our fears
None of it will mean a damn thing
in a thousand years
Only civilization cares
Only civilization cares
Only civilization cares

what

2.643 : 2/5/07 : Heat

Maybe it will just get
hotter hotter
melt the ice
and boil the water
maybe the seas will rise
and rise
consume our works
watch as
the information age dies
what will rise
with the tides
to replace
this hopeful
wasteful careless race
something on stilts
on hills on boats
guess we might really
finally
find out just what floats

what

2.642 : 2/4/07 : Atom Bomb

2,834 : 8 ?



The bang won’t be the final end
the shock around the world will send
the perfect place the perfect time
when will it come the next war crime
I’d like to believe we’d hold out longer
today’s resolve seems weaker not stronger
to bust a bunker or promote jihad
somehow I’m sure we’ll scapegoat God
I gotta be hopeful for two these days
I got not time left to whine and laze
despite what seems all too possible
the atom bomb and things just as terrible
if I could speak to each and every one
nothing in my hand no cross no gun
only to whisper my useless song
can’t we all just get along
wonder how the future twists and bends
wonder how civilization ends
the fall of Rome took 300 years
we’re 30, 40 in on ours so it appears

what

2.641 : 2/3/07 : Reversible

Then the final wave
renders all things reversible
an impulse to send
final end to this recursive hell
a protracted rush
backwards and to the first event
do it all again
chaos light and the firmament
tears to laughter
life from death
the secret truth
precedes the shibboleth
always younger
final curtain
then rehearsing
life into an act of joy
dispersing
 
what

2.640 : 2/2/07 : Maybe Entropy

Maybe entropy
is a natural resource
when our backs are
up against that wall
and there’s no recourse
we’ll discover nothing really
ever worked without it
all those wasted eons
trying to so something about it
what’s the use of winding up
a spring if not to wind down
potential is a tragedy
if you never return to ground
maybe entropy is just
another word for change
the opposite a
final fullness
you can never rearrange


what

dies irae

what

revelations per millennium

The next, oh, 23 songs (today's entry, Dust, through the entry for 2/23/07) were written for the 2007 RPM Challenge and eventually "published" in an album titled solvet saeclum in favilla, which was (predictably given the title) concerned with eschatology.

I recorded the album by attempting to sing live over tracks generated algorithmically by the software Voice of the GoatCactus.  I have described the album as "unlistenable" (and as a person who owns Lou Reed's Metal Machine Music on vinyl I know from unlistenable), though after subjecting myself to it several more times I revised this assessment to "almost unlistenable" (file under "mostly harmless").

But you don't have to take my word for it... if you have 46 minutes to kill and a tendency to boast of your aural endurance, by all means take a listen yourself.  I actually like these lyrics a lot, and even the seeds of some of the music I attempt to twist into these weirdly formal and dissonant computer compositions.  Someday, I say to myself, maybe I will find them music they merit.

But probably I won't.

I'm pretty certain I'm done with the RPM Challenge now.  Although the site says I only did one year, I actually turned in The Bootstrap Gospel in 2009 but apparently jumped through some hoop wrong because they never registered it - my effort in 2010, Trial By Ordeal, I never bothered submitting and has never been listened to by anyone.  I have as yet not personally succeeded in disproving the assertion that that one is in fact unlistenable, maybe I'll take another stab at it this month.  As far as the challenge goes, I'm the last person to dis enforced productivity but if I ever try to make another album, I am going to try to make the best one I can, however long it takes.

Anyway. Enjoy your eternal now.

what

2.639 : 2/1/07 : Dust

The world shall be dissolved in dust
all things will end as all things must
and when all that is has been shaken
past each bend and turn we've taken
when human works are long forgotten
good and bad sublime and rotten
high and low pure and corrupted
last act of social intercourse interrupted
old stories hint we might still draw breath
maybe even live to fight the heat death
for me I'll say I'm not convinced
you must admit that I've got evidence
that you couldn't call this race farsighted
and mostly what's wrong all gets left unrighted
so while we sway with winds of wrath and lust
likely we'll precede the world becoming dust

what

2.638 : 1/31/07 : Turning Point

If you keep thinking about it it will never come
who the hell came up with something so mean and dumb
who knew so many more would feel time out of joint
who knew we’d all end up at the turning point
The problems of this world are simply one, two, three
short sightedness and selfishness and entropy
Energy can solve the last one for a while
Ingenuity might yet bridge that last mile
But of human failing what is to be done
Can’t satisfy myself, I’m not the only one
So I pray with the rest the turning point is near
So I pray with the rest to not so much fear fear
looks like we’ve muddled through a thousand centuries
Given the last one that thought does not appease
Given global warming and the nuclear deterrent
we need a far far better way to swim against this current
And if we do not find it then I think we sink
This society will vanish in an eyeblink
The turning point a memory a false surmise
Can anyone pretend it would be a surprise
Still long as I’m alive and optimism’s free
I’ll just keep searching
for some pivot
where I can turn free

what

2.637 : 1/30/07: Light

We’ve had it out about a million
times before
here’s a mirror baby here’s
a window here’s a door
the world seems bound to be
divided along these lines
Still I gotta wonder what
you see if not these signs
call me an apostate
I won’t kill or die for it
I think we’ve had about
enough of that sorry shit
but spare me your condescension
I’m no kid
Still I gotta wonder if God
didn’t say let there be light
Who did?

what

2.636 : 1/29/07 : Labor

The principle of labor
is not lost on me
At heart I know it’s not
what keeps me from feeling free
it’s always just the going
the starting each day
it’s just a constant quiet wish
it could just go away
I said this was my year
my shining jubilee
for getting out from under
for sighting out my apogee
I know for all of it
labor is the only coin
No dream or idea good enough
no club for me to join
but wouldn’t it be pretty
if it wasn’t ever so
I’m desperate for an angle
that suggests the answer’s no

what

2.635 : 1/28/07 : Respite

2,827 : 1 ?



I thank God for respites
Small favors indeed
I give thanks and try
not to give into greed
eternal vacation
the lottery dream
so tired of these fancies
I think I could scream
I had some slight notion
I can’t now remember
That went off the rails
Some long past lost December
Whatever that was now
it’s long dead and gone
and finally and finally
it gets its small song

what

2.634 : 1/27/07 : Witching

Witching the weird
of zero hour
zero minus thirty
possessed of God power
was I really ever
enticed like this?
power and excess and
everything ludicrous
I might have mentioned
I’ve been witching water
trying to put a spell
on the farmer’s daughter
they all told me
it could not be done
I told them all
I am the chosen one
Don’t interfere in
the season of the witch
Watch me you will
never see me make the switch

what

2.633 : 1/26/07 : 24 hrs A Day

From the first to the last to the
least little bit
You know I always care I always
give a shit
24 hours a day
24 hours a day
I lit it up like a christmas tree
setting a house fire
26, 27, 28 days
on the wire
mainline uplink
download groupthink
24 hours a day
24 hours a day
I light it up all night
I write it all down
all right
believe me when I tell you
I’ve not yet begun to fight
24 hours a day
24 hours a day

what

2.632 : 1/25/07 : Powerslide

I said that I’m controlling it
It’s just a powerslide
to propel me to the next slope
hell yeah I’ll take the ride
I’m not going backwards
not making the same mistakes
and if that proves to be a steaming load
I guess that thems the breaks
we all try to live between
being stuck and sliding heedless
if God had made us better
this charade would all be needless
no more self help gurus
no more ministers for hire
someone called it monstrous
It’s just more fuel for the fire

what

2.631 : 1/24/07 : Proof

Proof of concept, proof of life
One hundred eighty proof
soon I’ll be under the knife
Try to find the proof
of the assumptions I hold dear
and if I can’t I shall abandon them
let me make that quite clear
I said I’m on the inside now
and contemplating busting out
I’ve put a cork in every hole
the sooner now to spout
I spent far too long being cool
all distant and aloof
now I’m afire
awash in life
and seeking for the proof

what

2.630 : 1/23/07 : Recycle

Recycle the drama the
lessons wait, comma
watch it falling always
watch it falling always
Cul de sacs and strange days
bottlenecks
and Highways
Nothing new comes in
but energy
information, dust
and entropy
So it’s all about
recycling
Mostly carbon, nitrogen
oxygen and hydrogen
runners up are calcium,
phosphorus, potassium
go ahead, do nothing
cycle will turn all the same
try to surf its crest a while
if that’s your kind of game

what

2.629 : 1/22/07 : Inside

I am inside this problem now
just like that
cut down that sacred cow
And this machete
Feels so damn good in my hand
I think I’ll stay inside a while
longer than I planned
Sixteen years seem
like a dream to me
the last time that I
felt compelled to scream I’m free
but I don’t feel that way
now anymore on this ride
now that I’ve managed it
now that I’m inside

what

2.628 : 1/21/07 : No Return

2,819 : 9 ?



You’ll think that I’m crazy
you’ll think I’m a dope
I jumped for joy to see the sign
that said abandon all hope
Every bridge that I crossed
was a bridge I had to burn
Searching so hard for the
point of no return
Who on earth wants to go
home again, ever
What kind of person sees the
ties that bind and doesn’t want to sever
cut that cord, those apron strings
hack through that knot
Who wants to go and get
the things they already got
No not me oh no
I’ve got new tricks to learn
On my way down the path
to the point of no return


what

2.627 : 1/20/07 : Mess Around

All day long and
all night too
all I want to do
is mess around with you
all up the hall
and down the stairs
I’d mess around with you
about anywhere
but lately I fear
looking around this room
it feels like all I do
is push this mess
around with my broom
don’t let me fly away
don’t let me go to ground
oh baby won’t you
help me one more
time to mess around

what

2.626 : 1/19/07 : Pain is Transparent

Pain is transparent
don’t let it block out all the light
ubiquitous inevitable
though natural not meant to feel right
isn’t about justifying
isn’t about reasons
just cycles and harmony
endless primal as the seasons
who are you to talk of things
who’s only scratched the surface
believe me sir I know my depths
and limitations of my service
nonetheless a line or two
reminding that pain is transparent
don’t let it block out all the light
or ignore the messages it sent

what

2.625 : 1/18/07 : Mirror

Mirror mirror
tell me something useful
I know I’m not fairest
mirror please be truthful
is there anything to theories
that you show a different world
do you hide some sweet
reflection
of all the invective
that I hurled
mirror mirror
I guess I’ve got to go
you fascinate me
but I’ve obligations
don’t you know

what

2.624 : 1/17/07 : Waiting For

Waiting to wake up
from this dream
waiting for the axe to fall
waiting for the mail the news
the signal
waiting for the call
wishing for
a teacher to appear
still not ready
to get out of here
I watch a spider slowly
climb the wall
waiting for the call
The phone’s got no bell
and it’s disconnected
there’s a sameness to
all the truth
to which I have been subjected
I can see it clearly
in the stains across the wall
visions of us all just dying
waiting for the call

what

phun with surchiz

As I've mentioned before, sometimes I read the stats and the referrer lists, seeing what's penetrating the veil of fairly secret these days.  Mostly people come through plus, I have my couple subscribers (what up fanbase) but I do enjoy those who land here, presumably bewildered, as the result of search results gone awry. Today a hit from someone searching "which is greater 2.234 or 2.2340" popped up, which hilariously points at one of the daddy songs, "Trucks Are Fun".  Hope that helped with your math homework (I guess it depends on how you're looking at your numbers, if I were to venture a guess: as abstract absolute numbers I'd say they're equal, looked at as real-world numbers (I'm sure I'm not using the right terminology here if it even exactly exists) - the output of a scientific measuring instrument, for example, 2.234 could be larger than, equal to or smaller than 2.2340 since anything from 2.2335 to 2.3344 could be represented as 2.234 for a number with 4 significant digits.  Right?)

what

2.623 : 1/16/07 : Narrative

Why do these myths persist?
If narrative’s the only way
to deal with this:
persistence of experience
resistance to plain common sense
who knows whether the
future tense
is anything but straight nonsense
I’ll tell you a story
six two six
if that’s too much
self reference
feel free to pick up your
own sticks
and go
I give I give what I have got
I try my best
I take my shot
don’t tell me it’s not much
I know
I know
I know
 
what

2.622 : 1/15/07 : Parse and Sort

2,813 : 3 ?



Parse and sort categorize
What’s on my mind
or behind my eyes
what’s in my hand
what’s on the wing
I don’t know how to add it up
I don’t know anything
dissect dissolve
and diagram
create the perfect map
to show just where I am
define the exact locus
of my discontent
and how it all resides
under the same big tent
but don’t be
surprised to see
me end up with all pieces
and still far from free

what

2.621 : 1/14/07 : Hot Iron

Strike while he says the
iron’s hot
It could mean something
then again it could not
I’ve seen a lot of balls
Some dropped by them
Some dropped by me
no time ever
to get it all done
always saying wait and see
the thing about
that hot iron
is striking it is not enough
failing skill
the proper gear
just end up with some
twisted stuff
but then again there’s
not much angle
sitting looking at it sizzle
vacant drooling
dull complacent
pulling at my pizzle

what

2.620 : 1/13/07 : The Unfuckingbelievable

The unfuckingbelievable persistence
of resistance to the far side of
the leaf I bought into
I think I’d like to chuck it all
just fuck it all this sopping
mess I brought to you
When not much becomes nothing
when distraction is the one thing
that opposes despair
I guess I better believe it’s true
You didn’t perceive, did you
me pulling out my hair
The dirty impulse to
make it your fault
take it all with a grain of salt
it’s just disappointment
And no choice but just
to wrap it up
apply the strap or cut
The strings on this appointment

what

2.619 : 1/12/07 : Pop

Pretty soon pretty soon
pretty soon my head is gonna pop
I know I know I know
I just don’t know how to stop
And if you think if you think if
you think it all come easily
Well that just proves that just proves
That just proves you really don’t know me
I done my time done my time
done my time and now I get to howl
just goes to show goes to show goes
to show I’m just no wise old owl
so mark my place mark my place
mark my place and pick another book
I’m gonna take gonna take
gonna gonna gonna take a look
and when it’s all when it’s all when
it’s all truly said and done
pray you’ll still think, you’ll still think
you’ll still think
That I’m still the one


what

2.618 : 1/11/07 : Dream of Dreams

I dream of dreams that fade
at first light unremembered
flashing shattered fragments
and the astral body all dismembered
I said they’re not trying to tell me anything
no such thing as omens no magic rings
I wake I walk in waking sleep
daylight unrevealing
unable to ignore that what
feels most important’s what I’m feeling
I never said that I was rational
I feel my eyes slide open what new hell
is this?
I dreamed of a box
I dreamed of a gun
I dreamed of a girl
maybe more than one
maybe all we live for
are dreams and lying
maybe I’ll dream my life away
until the day I’m dying

what

2.617 : 1/10/07 : In Nature

in nature there is no waste
in nature there is no excess
it all just goes around come around
no politics no influence no duress
in man there is no good thing
free of the stink of corruption
hold it down hold it down
like old faithful count on the eruption
If man is in nature
what the hell went wrong
if God is in charge
he shoulda rung that gong
A long time
a long time ago - ah
Shoulda never bothered
with that business with Noah
Picked one hill
gathered the beasts all together
Sacrifice man alone
to the weather
or hell covered all the earth
reset the machine
what’s a couple billion years
to an immortal being

what

2.616 : 1/9/07 : Wineskins

Parallax absurdity
perception’s just a
word to me
I care and care and care about
There’s no way to control
how it all comes out
I dream about the city of the future
joined to the present the real
by some suture
a rough and ugly painting
of the old and new
when those old wineskins burst
then what you gonna do

what

2.615 : 1/8/07 : Rocking

Rocking the cradle, rocking the boat
rock over the ocean over the moat
rock over the castle wall and into
the keep
to rock all you sleeping beauties
right outta your sleep
You know I’m rock steady on a rocky road
I’m gonna quarry this stone
right down to the mother lode
Rolling from Blarney right down
to the rock of Gibraltar
I am leaving no stone unturned
seeking out the perfect altar
to worship the sensation
the word that’s set in stone
The great rock of salvation
Fully known to God alone

what

2.614 : 1/7/07 : The Worm Turns

2,806 : 21 ?



Nothing’s different nothing’s changed
even the deck chairs are left
unrearranged
despite so little justification
my pronouncement burns
today today today
the worm turns
pick up my flossing give up vice
drop the sugar soda
I won’t say it twice
stay off the cigarettes
give up smoke
Become that happy healthy shit
this is not a joke
self improvement is
a sucker’s game
Some favor self-destruction
but in truth it’s just the same
A man lives so long on symbols
but someday he learns
we’re all just making
up excuses
until the worm turns


what

2.613 : 1/6/07 : Be That Way

Why you got to be that way
always the same
never up for the game
when it comes to the new day
Where do you go in the push
when it’s down to the line
without signal or sign
not even a bird in the bush
Didn’t I treat you right
always down on one knee
and my favors were free
but you wouldn’t be kept for a night
And I guess I’ll have to wait
there’s no one else I can go to
You’ve got all the inspiration
it’s a bad bad situation
and I don’t even really know you

what

2.612 : 1/5/07 : The Technique

The technique: the secret style
the master’s coup de grace
the bear the crane the crocodile
the method of what lies beneath
when dragging once again behind
and every line’s like pulling teeth
plunging reckless in the deep
trying to learn the lesson
of distraction sloth and lack of sleep
Fully fed up with it all
the same old using day to day
the Rally and the fall
leaves only the technique
forge ahead and hope
absurd unreal I’m such a freak

what

2.611 : 1/4/07 : Thread

Taking the lesson
reluctant and grim
nothing left to learn now
from you, from him
hardly convinced
it beats the alternative
don’t know what’s next
don’t know another way to live
up too many nights
pursuing God knows what
a thread so unraveled
a wind that still blows but
The Change seems all random
divested of meaning
devoid of direction
no truth to be gleaning
No truth and what is that
just doing and doing
make something for nothing
some hellbroth I’m brewing

what

2.610 : 1/3/07 : Habit

We’ve made a habit of using too much
letting things go, dreaming and such
If we don’t break it we’ll be feeling it soon
Or so we’ve said a million times while
gazing at the moon
smoking drinking getting high
driving shopping getting by
Made of bad habits and dodgy bets
Someday soon I fear we’ll be made of regrets
Making good habits is dull as dirt
dull maybe better than losing your shirt
If I could just find a way
to make it thrilling
They’d be plowing a path up to
my door I’d make a killing

what

2.609 : 1/2/07 : Dull Refrain

The final obstacles are
boredom, inertia, and loss of faith
The tissue of justification
is tattered and battered and thin as a wraith
And fearing a dissolve
revolving devolving to the dull refrain
bite down on another salty grain
There’s no earthly reason why
I couldn’t make this train wreck a lullaby
and put all the doubt and fear to rest
shrug and smile and say I did my best
And it would be okay to quit
to bow my head and stop
but my heart tells me it isn’t so
and so I let another drop
Hoping I can wiggle past
the dull refrain
And the plodding
And the nodding
and this God thing in my brain
And casting for a future
with a broader scope
And failing that, enough rope

what

2.608 : 1/1/07 : Not Another Bridge

Not another bridge
I do declare
I insist henceforth
on the straight and low road
from here to there
I know I’m gonna lose
and despite myself be disappointed
and curse the spite
that’s got me up all night
trying to set to right
the way the whole damn joint
got so disjointed
I’ll try hard
I know
to stick to it no matter
how
that old wind blow
And failing’s not the real rub
as I’ll learn again
leaning against the wind
on some other bridge
way out along this wheel’s hub

what