2.594 : 12/18/06 : Anxious Return

Anxious return to the relatively normal
Didn’t have time to engrave nothing formal
If this anxiousness is normal I’d rather be strange
I’m sick of feeling like this and I’m sick of trying to change
I’m sick of counting syllables
I’m sick of hunting rhymes
I’m sick of thinking up excuses
why I’m not up with the times
I’m sick of trying to come up
with some money making scam
I’m sick of my potential
and I’m sick of what I am
return to the old order
in anxiety and funk
And dismal recollection
of a lot of cast off junk
No fantasies of transformation
Daydreams of escape
illusions of some rescue
by some joker in a cape


what

2.593 : 12/17/06 : The Home that is Not Home

2,784 : 111 ?



I’m not nostalgic about
my old home
the streets I used to drive
the dirt roads I
used to roam
the place I once called home
is long past and gone
a composition in a picture
the topic of a song
the home that is not home
is just fine for a visit
but it’s not quite the same
as being back there is it
I hardly think about it
all about the now
I’ve built my own home
by the sweat of my own brow
built it just to be prepared
for him to come along
it is his first home now
at least until
it too is gone

what

2.592 : 12/16/06 : Break the Vow

Break the vow and shout out
storm the cloister bang the drum
Yell and holler sing and stomp
Raise hell bring down kingdom come
When I vowed to keep my silence
how could I have known
the extent and painful excess
of the firm advantage you’d have blown
I never would have guessed it
Dreamed of such a thing
you screwed it so hard in the ground
witness the pain I’m gonna hafta bring
look down at your shiny toe caps
feel your faces flush
I bet you never saw it coming
when you pushed that power rush
but anyway I’m back in play now
no more silenced shall my voice be
better figure out your next play
better figure what will your choice be
 
what

2.591 : 12/15/06 : Silence

Oh
I
mixed that up
again
didn’t
I say I
wouldn’t
then
no
matter
how
I
protest
I
always
fail
that
test
swear to be better hence
no more
no more
silence

what

2.590 : 12/14/06 : Peace

Peace is an abstraction
that we talk about
we talk and talk and talk
until our tongues fall out
we finally figure life out
just in time to die
the next bunch does it all the same
don’t ask me why
don’t ask me where the mojo went
‘cause I don’t know
don’t ask me to roll up my sleeves
So I don’t have to tell you no
I’m really starting to think
you’d be great seen but not heard
and I will try my best
not to say another word

what

Adventures in Enigmatic Diarism

Coup d’État is one of those songs I read, and than drag out the original because obviously I must have transcribed it wrong because there are just obviously word missing, at the very least.

And then I see that what is on the screen appears to be as faithful of a transcription as I could manage and I think well, okay, what was going on there?  Six years ago.  Was I drunk?  Or just extremely tired, or was I watching television at the time?  The world may never know, I certainly don't.  Which is sort of a shame, because I like the first four lines.

Sometimes I think, ah, I'll rewrite these promising fragments some day, give the little enigmatic gems a more fitting setting than the highly variable diary of enforced personal productivity in the context of life in all its disabling vicissitudes.  But this is probably not true: barring some unforeseen and dramatic shift in fortunes I give this thing as much time as I can, really.  Perhaps more than it deserves, I have trouble deciding, lately.

what

2.589 : 12/13/06 : Coup d’État

Secret first announcement
of the coup d’état
strike of state
don’t hesitate
to disassociate the flaw
that we all see
We’ll blame it on
the right people when
Shatters and dumps
half them in the sea
I’ll show you
Where to stand brother
Either you’re
Coup d’état
Or you’re the other
There’ll be no
subsequent announcement
of the coup d’état
You want to know that
you’re on board
you’ll have to
look straight down
into the maw

what

2.588 : 12/12/06 : Like A

Are you gonna fix my metaphor
like a superheroine
and make me eloquent enough to
Rock you like a simile
Some apogee to climb
ascend this paradigm too rough to
Fix it
Mix it
Like a fish with a submarine
break it
snake it
down the pipe just like a fast machine
Are you gonna wreck my allegory
A story like a parable
this cloak is just unwearable
and this dagger is dull
for what I’m bout to
try to pull

what

New continuity record myseriously smaller than the previous one...

I'm pretty sure I'm really the only one who bothers about Continuity, making this confession doubly unnecessary (in that it's not really a confession, just something I never got around to writing about, plus nobody cares anyway) but heigh ho, whatever.

Quite some time ago now, anyway, I proudly announced that I had crossed into triple digits of continuity (being the number of songs in the current project I have written in an unbroken succession, without missing a day) - I think that count peaked somewhere around 115.

Well, as I've noted before I have dealt with some enumeration challenges in the whole tracking arena.  Suffice to say that previous count was bogus - it broke I think somewhere in the 70s or 80s; my continuity tracking is not an exact science, it's a benchmark rather than a "significant figure" and I haven't kept precise records though I have moved somewhat more in that direction as of late.  That unknown (and given the facts above, probably unknowable) number was my real continuity record to date.

Well no more!  I've checked the records and I'm fully confident that the recently posted 105 is the real deal.  Honestly I try not to make continuity a key issue of this project, the central theme of which I deem to be (for now) persistence - a quality that I think comes into its own precisely when your consistency and good habits momentarily fail you.  Do a little searching for songs of the day (or daily anything for that matter) on ye olde internette and you'll find that intention is in ready supply, and generally comes with at least some degree of initial continuity.  But I remain the unsung world champion (as far as I can tell) in this small and modest arena by praying at the altar of persistence and not getting too hung up on the lapses in continuity.

But I can't deny I get a little attached to it when the numbers get up there.  So while - not often any more, but still occasionally - I'll just give it a miss and intentionally skip a day because I don't feel like it, now that I'm attached to my freshly minted, "honest" high score, experience suggests that when I break it it will be a genuine lapse - I'll simply, honestly forget to do it.  That this still happens after all these years is sort of an amazement to me in itself.  And I'll be sorely disappointed when I figure it out the next day.

what

2.587 : 12/11/06 : Dust Off

2,778 : 105 ?




Never thought I’d see your face again
but I’m pretty sure
you’ve got no twin
Mercy me I guess you’re
beggin’ for the
dust off
off my sandals
off my feet
off my shoulder
on the street
Not for nothing
did I toil
to get the rust off
And the moral
is quite plain
Gain or loss
there’s always pain
So don’t remain
I’d hate to stain
you with this nut
I’m bout to bust off

what

2.586 : 12/10/06 : I Suck so Bad I Should Quit

Said the poorly sucking vacuum
I suck so bad I should quit
Rotten gaskets leaking joints
Who knows where I’m losing it
To create what nature abhors
You must lay an unbreached path
Failing that the center must drift
leaving product in the bath

what

2.585 : 12/9/06 : Cilantro

Cilantro fennel ginger spice
if God doesn’t exist
then why is life so nice
If pain’s the toughest riddle
Why’d we seek it so
I think I’m going to have to
hit my peak to know
Arugula sage and nutmeg
just another job for a super square peg
just another hole so don’t applaud
The work is necessary
but it is not close to God
And so to package it all
for the hoi polloi
It’s all a little ditty ‘bout
how girl meets boy
And makes it in the kitchen
among the herbs
a cautionary parable
for those of you kicking the curbs

what

2.584 : 12/8/06 : Damn Again

Damn again, damn again
Guess I’m gonna hafta wing it then
You can’t expect the unexpected
you can’t direct the undirected
And if that ship’s coming I’d like to know when
Maybe it all comes to nothing but a scrawl
by a palsied hand on a crumbling wall
the signs never told me a blessed thing
I never got my hands on the damn brass ring
A decade, two, slowed down to a crawl
While entropy has a fine old time
I’m stuck in traffic on my own dime
try to get caught up today
damn it all again anyway
just keep shooting for that new
paradigm

what

2.583 : 12/7/06 : Disciple

I’m a bad disciple I’ve got no discipline
So many times I thought that I
was ready to begin
Did I really only ever want
to wear the fancy robes
To pin my unearned progress
to display them on my globes
It seems late in the game
to still be questioning intent
wondering about just where
all the inspiration went
Or if it really was at all
or was it just a show
I’ll probably wonder all my life
I’ll probably never know
what makes a disciple
what divides him from the rest
is it discipline
something within
Something you’ll never know
until you pass or fail some
test

what

2.582 : 12/6/06 : Determination

Determination is a misnomer
state of mind determines
little if anything
Determinism versus determination:
no contest
irresistible force
versus
aimless whistling
inspiration is truly named
but which spirit
and where does it
get in?
you’ll see me dancing
to its silent beat
quiet as a drop
on a head of a pin

what

2.581 : 12/5/06 : The Old Leaf

And the old leaf turns and withered
flies at last unlike the
winged seed to die and lie
forevermore
Turning as the seasons do
a living green to crimson hue
no more to breathe or
catch the sun now
merely a messenger that
winter has begun
the old leaf will bathe
in rain and snow
be warmed by sunlight
now with nowhere else to go
it will be food
for worm and germ and seed
and disappear
be seen no more
another leaf to feed

what

2.580 : 12/4/06 : Closer

Come closer for a minute now
let me see every eyelash
let me taste your breath up close
I want to whisper something rash
Let’s run away today we three
Let’s run off to some island
Forget all about responsibility
Is this a credit card I see in my hand
I’ve been a good soldier true
in the ranks of the consumers
I’m getting closer to a tipping point
But despite the message of the doom and gloomers
I’ll retain an optimistic cheer
Blindly sure something will come up
And that whatever it is it’s close now
I just need to see what I can drum up

what

2.579 : 12/3/06 : Failure at Depth

2,770 : 97 ?



The failure occurs at the
depth of longing
consumerism
demystified
belonging
is a good enough
answer for
the way of everything
and boredom makes
it cool and
fall apart as much as
anything
Failure at depth
at psi
failure at the center
at the crisis
at the eye
but for my part
I’ve bought it
and deserve a break
Up until I get up
to this plow I’m gonna make

what

2.578 : 12/2/06 : Giant Hands

Between the right
and left of your giant hands
I’m in no position here
to make demands
One hand or two hand
Clap You say
my preference is obvious
but it’s not zen
that makes me
act this way
it’s just survival
big versus small
I look to find
I’ve got no other
hand at all

what

2.577 : 12/1/06 : Pay

Rush it slack it cause it doesn’t pay
not enough to register anyway
did it make me a pound
or a penny
was it worth a nickel
did it net me any
how far off the track
did I get
was it close to an
even bet
try to figure
the odds the vig
on every throw
try to quantify
I still don’t know
reflected in the back
of a
silver spoon
still hoping
it gets better soon


what