The Lepton Lyrics 11: Push On Andromachene

Under the curve the unearthly void
under the stars that shone
Under the haze of water and airs
the earth spins like a magic stone

You don’t fool me andromachene
you make it seem so peaceful and serene
But if your expectations leave you hanging...

Push On
Push On
Push On

Under the fragile green tapestry
under cathedrals of stone
Dances a seed of bright mercury
with currents and continents all its own

You don’t fool me andromachene
you make it seem so peaceful and serene
But if your higher purposes are foundered....

Push On
Push On
Push On

Under the time weathered map of skin
Under the pillars of bone
a single flash a brilliant spark
burns spins and shines in everyone

You don’t fool me andromachene
you make it feel so regal and serene
but if you make a hollow curse of failing...

Push On
Push On
Push On

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

The Lepton Lyrics 10: Kaligula

Bring me the moon
bring me the moon
hook it up, pull it down
make it soon

Bring me the moon
bring me the moon
hook it up, pull it down
make it soon

Hey, Kaligula
does it have to be so much?
Maybe the Buddha could
Ah get you off that desire crutch

Bring me the moon
bring me the moon
meantime bring my sister
to my room

Hey, Kaligula
does it have to be so by the book
all suffering’s desire
climb down off that existential hook

I’ll wade in blood
I’ll nail your wife
here comes the golden platter
help yourself to a knife

It’s necessary
I’ve measured twice
I’ve checked out all my options
this can’t be nice

do what you have to
that path’s not mine
I’ve got to call ‘em like I see ‘em that vinegar
does not taste like wine

I have such good friends
but watch me dive
good friends is it working
I still seem to be alive

Bring me the moon

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

The Lepton Lyrics 9: Show

How’d I end so far from my home
in fields of verdant green
and missing all the friends who died
before I made this scene?

How’d I end so far below
the shelter of blue sky
and missing all the loves who will
appear after I die?

Show me how to hold you
show me what to do
missed so much I cannot stand the thought
the thought of missing
you

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

The Lepton Lyrics 8: Simple Song

And when it’s all said and done
we’ll have left no traces lying on the ground
We’re going to where we always knew we’d be
I only ever asked you come along with me

A simple song won’t make it all okay
there’s still all of the things that went away
and I can’t truly say if anything gets saved
still I cannot deny that I would never trade
Anything for what I’ve had and lost

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

The Lepton Lyrics 7: Three

What could make a man of me?
Listen, Lovely, one, two, three
You and I and what’s to be
You and I and what’s to be

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

The Lepton Lyrics 6: America

Isn’t it something that we can still
bury our heads in the sand so far?
Isn’t it something that we can still
claim that we really know where we are?

Isn’t it something that we can still
bury our heads in the sand so far?
Isn’t it something that we can still
claim that we really know where we are?

And I know...what I don’t know
Hey that’s a lot further than the
than the people who run things will go

And I know...ten white horses in a row
don’t make a thing that isn’t so
don’t make a thing that isn’t so

Passing the scene in America
are we an empire that’s seen her day?
watching the screen in America
maybe high time that we slipaway

Passing the scene in America
are we an empire that’s seen her day?
watching the screen in America
maybe high time that we slipaway

And I know...it’s all a stupid game
pass the buck and shaft the masses
change the channel free from shame
And I know, I know I’m not to blame
alla this was going on
long before I knew my own name

Watching the sun...Set on America

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

The Lepton Lyrics 5: Dr. Jesus

Not content but I played a part
I never finished the things I’d start
I stood and turned my head, I would not
look to watch which way the wind blows

I honed my expectations too fine
I took my stand on a razor’s line
does it surprise me it took so little
to turn me upside down? Oh, no

Fair is foul
and bitter, sweet
an absinthe idol
with clay feet
passed it by...
A little here, a little there

So here’s a riddle a children’s rhyme
can there be a thing out of time
past the point of no return
can a dream be heard receding

Dr. Jesus would only laugh
at all the hairs that I split in half
I’ve done my time but in the end
we’ll see who’s done the bleeding

Life is long
and art is hard
and I can only
turn the cards
Over and over...
See there’s nothing in my hands

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

The Lepton Lyrics 4: Scapegoat

Tears drop from end of a steel rail
fierce chop and chasing the tiger’s tail
golden disks over silver eyes
old tin roofs under chromic skies

world...
of...
tomorrow...
today

Raindrops leak around golden disks
rain stops leaving a pale mist
past tense and a future perfect come
nonsense words slipping past my tongue

world...
of...
tomorrow...
today

Who ya gonna blame for your sins?
Who ya gonna make your scapegoat?
Who ya gonna blame for your sins?
Who ya gonna make your scapegoat?

blame it on...
blame it on...
blame it on the world
of tomorrow, today

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

The Lepton Lyrics 3: Prairie Schooner

I was walking in the fields today
Idle hours spent in a summer haze
pass the time to trace the rhyme of me
pass the time to trace the rhyme of me

purest gems of oceans chasms deep
hours I spend away in peaceful sleep
trace the rhyme a notion’s chime clear calling
trace the rhyme a notion’s chime clear calling

flower of the day enchanting and
whispering a breath of sea and sand
notion’s bell of truth’s clear spell in dreaming
notion’s bell of truth’s clear spell in dreaming

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

The Lepton Lyrics 2: Cypress

I am plotting a geometry
the vectors trace eternity
and I am not the man you thought I was

I am kinder than I used to be
and stronger than a cypress tree
I’m breathing fourteen different shades of love

A slim spike slips through December’s frost
I dream of being not so lost
a time before the time after I fell

And I dreamed I found the path again
the labyrinth come to its end
I dreamed that I was staring in the well

Dawn comes and still deep inside
the carnal crimson depths of dreamstide
wrapped in sleep away from cold December

And I woke to mirrored in grey skies
A deadness I felt in my eyes
did you dream? she said I said I don’t remember

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

The Lepton Lyrics 1: Falling Toward Apotheosis

2,082 : 5 ?



And was I like an etherized patient on the slab?
And was it a poem or a dream?
When I felt myself falling toward apotheosis...

That was when I knew they had injected something into me
to transform me into something I was never meant to be
I am not a deity - just a little man you see
humble plain no pride in me
only ever wanted to be
only what I am you see
strange it seems, a mystery
I was happy just as me

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

Interim, last leg: enigma of the Tao Lepton

So much for the Two Track Mind Era, and I'm a little bit surprised to discover that the interim is nearly at its end.

In fact I can see now that I won't be getting through even a third of the final installment of my off-project writings, the lyrics I wrote primarily for the long-defunct Tao Lepton, a...

Well, what was the Tao Lepton? I'm at odds with myself, to be honest, over how much I want to try to explain it. A collaboration, a band, a series of recordings, a years-long attenuated jam session. At times an aspiration. It seems long ago and far away to me now. It meant something, at the time, but I have found it difficult to fit what that might have been into my here and now. If you come over some time I'll play you a tape, you can hear for yourself. Anyway you'll get a taste of the lyrics for the next week and a half before we return to our usual schedule of a song of the day, every day.

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

The Two Track Mind Era 27: Poison

Picture a trash can or fireplace in your mind
wrap up the rotten evil things and throw them all inside
feel better for a moment free of what you left behind
but don’t forget that all of it is all just in your mind
Poison
Poison
Skull and bones
don’t touch that
don’t taste that
leave the poison pill alone
was there really a time
when I got to decide?
I’ve already swallowed it
It’s already inside
Picture a good place
far away far
picture yourself
in a fast-moving car
Look up at the night sky
and wish on a star
The star, the good place in your mind
still where you really are
Poison
Poison
Skull and bones
don’t touch that
don’t taste that
leave the poison pill alone
was there really a time
when I got to decide?
I’ve already swallowed it
It’s already inside
Inside along with star and car
the good place and the trash
There is the deepest darkest pit
a cataclysmic gash
One day not so long ago
when I was feeling rash
I threw the pill into it
I’m still waiting for the splash
Poison
Poison
Skull and bones
don’t touch that
don’t taste that
leave the poison pill alone
was there really a time
when I got to decide?
I’ve already swallowed it
It’s already inside

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

The Two Track Mind Era 26: Bitter Song

A letter a postcard
a voice on my machine
you said that you still love me
but I don’t know what that means
you treat me like some distant friend
don’t think that I’ve forgotten our
bitter, bitter end
Bitter song
bitter song
this time the bitterness
it lasts too long
I don’t seem to be recovering
I don’t want you back
but I’d still like to see you suffering
Bitter song
bitter song
this time the bitterness
it lasts too long
I don’t seem to be recovering
I don’t want you back
but I’d still like to see you suffering
Maybe you don’t remember
telling me
that the way I see the world
makes me unfit for your company
but I’ve forgotten nothing
I’ve got every word you said
on a tape that runs a stupid loop
around my spinning head
Bitter song
bitter song
this time the bitterness
it lasts too long
I don’t seem to be recovering
I don’t want you back
but I’d still like to see you suffering
Bitter song
bitter song
this time the bitterness
it lasts too long
I don’t seem to be recovering
I don’t want you back
but I’d still like to see you suffering

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

The Two Track Mind Era 25: Tracemaker

Tracemaker,
tracemaker,
escalator to the stars
it’s all done with mirrors and magnets
these days
And all your fame
is just a trace
a fine white track across
the cloud chamber

Outside the planetarium
he’s still out there somewhere
a trace and transformation
on a twist of cellophane and
rusted silver

Tracemaker
escalator
make me a trace

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

The Two Track Mind Era 24: Your New Friends

2,075 : 5 ?


I dreamed you made a fool of me the other night
and showed me up in front of all your new friends
And though I’d never tell you how you ought to live your life
I won’t pretend that I can stand the new crowd that you’ve fallen in

But though you look so handsome in your darkest shade of blue
I will not be surprised at all to see them walk all over you
They might question what you most believe
They might pluck that bleeding heart right off your sleeve
they might just hit you, and leave
they might just hit you and leave

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

The Two Track Mind Era 23: Philosopher’s Stone

Make me
Coarse to fine
make me
water into wine
make me
base lead to gold
make me
shining new from old

A flash of jet in royal water
make me stone
make me stone’s father

Put me
time back into joint
push me
past a further point
trust me
make my motives clear
true stone
makes itself appear

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

The Two Track Mind Era 22: Will O’ the Wisp

My heart’s will
My heart’s whim
Will o’ the wisp done led me astray again
My blood’s ebb
My blood’s flow
Follow my light to an end that I may know
I don’t judge
I don’t fear
Content to know that things are not what they appear
Learned patience
Learned pain
I learned my lesson, that’s just the kind of man I am

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

The Two Track Mind Era 21: Pure Hokum

You said that you had gotten
a new brooch
but I knew better than that
I knew better than that
I said that’s no brooch
That’s a small indigenous chameleon
A small indigenous chameleon

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

The Two Track Mind Era 20: Video Mail!

2,069 : 16 ?


Video mail, video mail
why did you send me the video mail?

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

The Two Track Mind Era 19: Time is Just Another Word for Nowhere

In the middle of nowhere
In the middle of time
Time is just another word for nowhere

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

The Two Track Mind Era 18: Need

You
You need
Do you need to
Do you need too
To need you need to need to
to need
To you need to need
to need too
I need you
I need to
I need to need too
I need to need too
I need to need to need too
I need you to need too
I need to I need to
You need to need to need too
To need you need
to
To need you need to need too

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

The Two Track Mind Era 17: Samson

This song contains uncouth and profane lyrics



Hey Samson, what you doing ‘round
Growing out my hair I’m gonna pull the fucking temple down
Hey Samson, what you doing ‘round
Growing out my hair I’m gonna pull the fucking temple down
Hey Samson, what you doing ‘round
Pulling out my hair I’m gonna pull that fucking temple down
Hey Samson, what you doing ‘round
I’m growing out my hair I’m gonna pull the fucking temple down
This world you made
is not worth shit
And I don’t care
If I go down with it

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

The Two Track Mind Era 16: The Thing In the Jar

The memories shift uneasily sometimes
in their jar of chloroform where I tried to preserve them
tried to kill their potency their ability to poison my thoughts
without putting myself to sleep in the process
The dreams I pulverized in a pestle
with sweet spirits of nitre tears and some blood
but the potion didn’t take
and when I drank it it made my throat hurt
What I really need is some Waters of Nepenthe
but I ran out last Thursday
and the chemist told me that the plant was struck by lightning
go figure
I went to try the drugstore on Division Street
But it had been taken over by holistic nutritionists
they told me they didn’t believe in Nepenthe
and I should quit smoking and start homeopathic therapy
they wanted to analyze my hair and fingernail parings
but by then I was fed up
and told them both my hair and fingernails would grow after I was dead
and they could have some then
I didn’t light up until I left the store
I had been rude enough
and I guess they meant well
Sometimes I think I catch what’s in the jar moving
but when I look it’s always just
turning harmlessly in the fluid
which has inexplicably darkened to near opacity
Maybe that’s what disturbs me
Even if I hold it up to the strongest light
I can’t see what’s in the jar anymore
Usually when I do this it becomes even more indistinct
the fluid has acquired some rather odd refractory properties
I seem to remember it as being clear
Sometimes when I catch it out of the corner of my eye
in a flash it seems grotesque and horrible
but it always looks the same when I examine it
I seem to remember it as being very pretty
At least I thought it was pretty
I wish I had drawn a picture of it
when it was more clear
but I thought that it would last forever
then

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

The Two Track Mind Era 15: I Will Always Love You

2,061 : 9 ?


And I love to listen to music with you
And I love to walk by the lake with you
I’d love to dance by candlelight with you
And I love those moonlight strolls with you

And I will always love you
And you will always love me
And we will always love each other

And I love the fairy tales with you
And I love romantic dinners with you
And I love those shooting stars with you
And I love traveling with you

And I will always love you
And you will always love me

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

The Two Track Mind Era 14: Cool

You're so cool

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

The Two Track Mind Era 13: She's Not Thinking About You

She's not thinking about you

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

The Two Track Mind Era 12: His Head Grew Till it Occupied the World

His head grew till it occupied the world
He said, I’ve not begun to fight
And I don’t intend to
And his head grew till it occupied the world

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

The Two Track Mind Era 11: My Fine Mentor

2,154 : 2 ?


My fine mentor told me
to start where I am, to write what I knew
He showed me what to do
David, I wrote this song for you
Don’t you understand?
Don’t you understand?
I’m writing to forget the pain
Of being who I am

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

The Two Track Mind Era 10: Pennies from Heaven

Penny for thoughts and a pound for your foolishness
Pennies from heaven and pennies from elsewhere
Anything, something for nothing I’m drowning
How can I call you, I don’t have your number

She said do you believe in heaven?
I said I believe in a place
I don’t believe that she’s thinking about me
I’m trying now to remember her face

This is the easy part, nothing for something
This is the part where I just slip away
In my mind is your hand in my hand and I’m dreaming
Of leaving, of going away

She said do you believe in heaven?
I said I believe in a place
I don’t believe that she’s thinking about me
I’m trying now to remember her face

One for her mother who’s gone up to heaven
Two for her father who’s changed
Three for her sister who’s growing up nicely
Four is for me, but she can’t think that way

She said do you believe in salvation?
I said I do, but it’s only a guess
She said do you believe in heaven?
Someone please tell her from me I said yes

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

The Two Track Mind Era 9: Another

Another half considered lunge
Another idiotic plunge
I’ll play another faulty hunch
I’ll sleep my life away
Another week lost to regret
Another something I couldn’t get
Another high risk, low gain bet
I’ll try some other day
see a friend and talk a while
turn the bend and walk a mile
get inside and fake a smile
hope that I go out in style
if this is life I’ll pass it by
if this is truth I’ll still ask why
I’ll pay the piper when I die
It’s my own price to pay

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

In case you hadn't noticed...

And you well might not have noticed, particularly if you are getting this through the Google Reader, or some sort of RSS type thing, where the embeds appear to not be showing up: I've once again been adding player links to such songs as are available in a playable form, which are by far the minority of my vast repertoire, most of which exists, in musical form (if it exists at all), only in my head.

I have conceived various schemes to rectify this reality, at least in some tiny respect, but recording is a long and difficult process and has been, in my own experience, largely unrewarding. There is some sort of bootstrap interval in all this that I can't see clear to navigate through. My existing recording isn't good enough to subsidize getting better.

I really don't know if I'll do more recording. The writing has become something else in my life, now, the songs are a sort of fossil record of my mental processes, a tiny thread of information that accretes on its own schedule and with little apparent connection to forming a coherent narrative or anything else useful, for that matter. I am as reasonably satisfied with this process as I am with anything else about my productive efforts in this life, which is to say not that particularly fucking satisfied, but that's a topic for another blog, one which does not exist to my great relief. Because that is about two steps too far down a road I know in my heart it is better not to go down. Forget I said anything.

Anyway.

I have a couple of things in the can that satisfy my barest requirements of being not so egregiously awful that I will suffer them to be exposed to public ridicule. I finally got it together long enough to organize all that and put together a profile on the site de jour for the marginal musical artist, Bandcamp. Not to say everyone using this service is marginal, far from it, but being free and open to all there's no sense denying that we mediocrities outnumber the shining lights (fucking motto of the internet, hmm, I'm thinking I might not have chosen the right morning to write this announcement after all but hey ho anyway).

Note of amusement is that Bandcamp only accepts lossless source tracks for artist input, so given my disgusting penchant, often, for recording straight to MP3 the most tedious part of the process was having upsample a lot of the stuff so that I could upload it. So if you run across any gnarly audio artifacts in the finished product, uh, sorry.

You can buy it all if you're so inclined. If you were ever a patron of the long-defunct 33 Magazine, I'll note, you should not do so: if you want anything you don't already have just drop me a line and I will be happy to provide it in any format you might be lacking. I'll note one more time that the opportunity to purchase the greatest hits directly from me at a radical discount is on the trembling verge of vanishing as well, with this announcement.

And now that I've got you all positive and excited, allow me to present:

My new Bandcamp page.

The Two Track Mind Era 8: Better Way

2,147 : 20 ?


So hey you think you’ve got me
backed into a corner locked in tight
you think you’ve got me all tied up
you think you finally killed my fight
Not in this life, not in this life
Not while I’m still sucking air
Not while I’m still standing
Not while I still care
You think it’s easy, simple
answer is so obvious
I will not accept your answers
I will not accept you answer

There’s got to be a better way

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

The Two Track Mind Era 7: Read Between My Lines (II)

Hold me hold me hold me hold me hold me
Hold me tight hold me back
from being what so much what I am
so little what I want to be
Hold me
Holding back I hold myself away from you
Making less mistakes this time I’m being true
to being cool
I’m so cool
I keep myself away from you
When I think of holding your hand I shiver
Reach out but I know you can’t deliver
me from be
being so much
Less than all I am
I never say what I mean
I never say all I want to
But if you could read between my lines

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

The Two Track Mind Era 6: Read Between My Lines

2,141 : 14 ?


I’d like to tell you a true story,
like to tell you a true story,
like to tell you a true story,
now
I’d like to tell you a true story,
like to tell you a true story,
like to tell you a true story,
never heard a true story
I never say what I mean
I never say all I mean
I never say what I mean
I never say all I mean
I never say what I mean
I never say all I mean
I never say what I mean
I never say all I mean
But if you could read between my lines

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

The Two Track Mind Era 5: Invulnerable

Life is hard and a kid gets kicked around for being different
Life is cruel and a kid learns to grow up quick learns to get tough quick
How’d you get through my defenses
I don’t even like you
It’s the wrong situation
My arms are not wide open
My heart’s set in concrete
I cannot be moved
I’m invulnerable, I’m invulnerable, I’m invulnerable, I’m invulnerable
I don’t get tossed around by a change in the weather
don’t believe in love or forever and ever
I take care of myself you better do the same
you better do the same
We’re painted into a corner
it’s not our fault
but we’re boxed in tight
Can we get out
without leaving tracks
or should we run or fight
I’m invulnerable, I’m invulnerable, I’m invulnerable, I’m invulnerable
I’m invulnerable, I’m invulnerable, I’m invulnerable, I am vulnerable

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

The Two Track Mind Era 4: I’m No Goddamned Good

I’d like to be the kind of guy
that falls like an angel from the sky
honest charming caring true
I’d like to be all that and more for you
but I’m no goddamned good
ooh baby
I’m no goddamned good
Oh it’s true I’d like to be the man for you
but I’m no goddamned good
a frangible person
anxious without grace
myself considered as a helix of worthless sand
a stupid looking face
Oh baby
I’m no goddamned good
ooh baby
I’m no goddamned good
Oh it’s true I’d like to be the man for you
but I’m no goddamned good

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

The Two Track Mind Era 3: Decompression Chamber

2,133 : 6 ?


You are in a decompression chamber
Some disorientation is completely normal
Please try not to be alarmed
You are completely safe
You are beyond danger now
You ascended too quickly
The paralysis and pain you are experiencing
is a result of a formation of gas bubbles in the bloodstream
This condition is known as Caisson disease
or more commonly the bends
It is not uncommon
Although your case was particularly severe
We will gradually reduce the pressure
until you acclimate to standard conditions

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

Only the Very Greatest Hits - its cheap direct download days are numbered...

Only the Very Greatest Hits will very shortly no longer be available via direct download from me over at the store.

The wherefore on this is that I am just about ready to go public with my new Band Camp profile, which is how all the cool kids are motivating their Rock-N-Roll these days. The move will be accompanied by a price hike because hey, why not?

So if you've been holding off you best get it while it's hot. Or be out like 3 dollars, oh man.

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

The Two Track Mind Era 2: Song

Promised that I’d
start creating
add a little
every day
all my words seem
forced and banal
haven’t anything
to say
song cannot
repair my losses
song cannot make
right what’s wrong
song is good for
this one moment
look behind
look back
the moment’s gone
is it fate
or cosmic chance
does it require
an act of will
I wants so much
I want so much
to rise
above the swill

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

The Two Track Mind Era 1: Dr. Everyday

Welcome one and all to the Chaosium Rollercoaster
Keep to the right, please
Trust me, everyone will get a chance
Ooh, the blood-red flowers of regret
You haven’t seen the worst of it yet
You on the left, if you’d pass the buck
You on the right, if you’d pass the hat
There, that works out nicely
I guess you’d call that entropy

I went to see Dr. Everyday
I said Doc, I think I need an X-ray
He said, that won’t be necessary
Held up a mirror said son, what do you see
Well, Doc, I been down so long
It looks like up to me

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

but if you could read between my lines

So ends the college interval of the interim and ugh, good riddance. Hardcore obviously not my genre.

And on, shortly, to the Two Track Mind era, my mostly solo home-recording experiments of the first few years post-college. The two tracks in question were the right and left stereo recording input channels of my Realistic Modulaire 2250 Dual Cassette Boombox that I bought from Reed's Music and Radio Shack in Montevideo MN, at the cost of probably 50 or 60 hours spent mowing the church lawn... These days you'd be hard pressed to find a box like this, featuring as it did dual, stereo-separated microphone inputs and RCA input and output, that allowed me to use it as a rough but functional home recording studio. I bought a cheap cassette 4-track later. The boom box got left at one of my weirder jobs. Long story.

A lot of these lyrics, anyway, were cooked up on the fly, in the midst of noodling audio experimentation. All early to mid '90s provenance.

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

The Interim : Battles and Bands 28 : Watch the Show

2,126 : 3 ?


While you were sleeping I was wakeful watching keeping track
boiling away in terror trying to keep the madness back
Making a difference how I laugh to hear that now
How I laugh to see you try to hammer through the wall

It doesn’t matter what you do
It doesn’t matter where you go
Everything is an illusion
Settle back and watch the flow

While you were watching worried I was dancing on the edge
Spinning as you tried so hard to call me from the ledge
I just can’t explain there’s nothing left from where I came
And I would rather face this fall than play the game again

It doesn’t matter what you do
It doesn’t matter where you go
Everything is an illusion
Settle back and watch the flow

I live in chaos that is just the way I’m meant to be
When I’m not close to the edge I find it difficult to see
I know that you think you’ve found a better way to go
I’ll just sit here with my feet over the edge and watch the show

It doesn’t matter what you do
It doesn’t matter where you go
Everything is an illusion
Settle back and watch the show

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

The Interim : Battles and Bands 27 : Latitude

I don’t think I meant to leave you behind
I must have had something else on my mind
I don’t think I meant to leave you behind
I must have had something else on my mind

With the sun across my eyes
drifting aimless on the tides
Thoughts are drifting like the sea
You drift through my memory

I don’t think I meant to leave you behind
I must have had something else on my mind
I don’t think I meant to leave you behind
I must have had something else on my mind

Something else on my mind I don’t know what

If this message passes through
all the miles I’ve gone from you
I’m not gone I’ve only moved
To a warmer Latitude

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

The Interim : Battles and Bands 26 : Fever Dream

Tortured twisting barely
sleeping yet not waking
gripped in passion fevered
dreaming waking dreaming

Before I’m tossed back on
This cold shore of reason
Let me have this fever
Let me dream this fever

I’m lost in the fever dream

Wake me not I’m dreaming
wake me not I’m dreaming
wake me up I’m screaming
wake me up I’m screaming

I’m tossed in this fevered scream

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

The Interim : Battles and Bands 25 : Spirit of Rage

You who took my book from the shelf
You who wrote your words on my page
Understand a spirit of truth
can become a spirit of rage

Spirit of rage spirit of rage
I do not smile I do not age
Spirit of rage spirit of rage
I do not smile I do not age

What shall we call indecision
What shall I make of your smiling
You don’t fool me I know who’s dream
It is that you are defiling

Spirit of rage spirit of rage
I do not speak I am no sage
Spirit of rage spirit of rage
I do not smile I do not age

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

The Interim : Battles and Bands 24 : Thesis for Survival

2,121 : 36 ?


Me I don’t care anymore
cutting pictures on the floor
Tryin’ to make the pieces fit
My thesis for survival
They’ll kill you if you care
That’s the way it’s always been
it’s like that everywhere

All my friends that followed love
or simply left the pain
I hear their voices in my head
I see them in the rain

I just don’t care anymore
cutting pictures on the floor
Tryin’ to make the pieces fit
My thesis for survival
They’ll kill you if you care
That’s the way it’s always been
it’s like that everywhere

Drowning in my sunken cost
Oh just like Eric said
I cannot give up what I lost
I hear him in my head

Me I don’t care anymore
cutting pictures on the floor
Tryin’ to make the pieces fit
My thesis for survival
They’ll kill you if you care
That’s the way it’s always been
it’s like that everywhere

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

The Interim : Battles and Bands 23 : World Gone Mad

Every day check in check out
On an eight hour tour of hell
As you boil in the emptiness
you’ve come to know so well
The books you read convince you
you gotta live so deep
so you made your life a drama
And deprive yourself of sleep
Is there any doubt we
Live in a world gone mad
Is there any doubt we
Live in a world gone mad
They say buy and we say how much
Go lemmings go and we follow madly
They say look but you cannot touch
they say die and we say gladly
Is there any doubt we
Live in a world gone mad
Is there any doubt we
Live in a world gone mad
Is there any doubt we
Live in a world gone mad
Is there any doubt we
Live in a world gone mad

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

The Interim : Battles and Bands 22 : Crack Spine

Shocked up and blocked up frozen and foul
You could not suffer to stand in my shoes
Crack spine cement minded shaken to howl
torn out the mind benumbed blues
You deface me
fear replace me
no excuses
he refuses
Black lost shown across naked naked blind
You cannot ever see what I’m seeing
What did you who was it you thought to find
You cannot be what I’m being
You deface me
fear replace me
no excuses
she refuses

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

The Interim : Battles and Bands 21 : Union

What should appear to my wondering eyes
The way that your hips curve into your thighs
I am not searching for mystical union
searching transcendence sacred communion
I do not seek the divine
I only want to lose myself in you
get you underneath my skin
I do not seek the divine
I’d just like to fuck you sometime
I’d just like to fuck you sometime
I’d like to get you under my skin
Lay down my bones and let yourself in
Savor the taste of your wine
My door is open my door’s open wide
Flesh isn’t holy you’ve nothing to hide
I do not seek the divine
Should you appear to my wondering eyes
Do you seek union I know that time flies
I do not seek the divine
I’d just like to fuck you sometime
Savor the taste of your wine
I’d just like to fuck you sometimes

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

The Interim : Battles and Bands 20 : Alchemy

I don’t know what you’ve been told
but there’s no way to turn lead into gold
oh - that’s not reality

It’s a day like any other day
Nothing ever changes here it always stays the same
No matter how I twist and turn
these feelings burn I’ve given this a name

I don’t know what you’ve been told
but a love once new so soon grows cold
Aw, that’s reality

I’ve put a name on my frustration
and assigned it a location in the center of my mind
And once you see what I see then
I think you’ll see what we have left behind

I don’t know and I don’t know
I lost my way so long ago
Oh - that’s alchemy

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

The Interim : Battles and Bands 19 : Shadow’s Confession

Forgive me father for I have sinned
It has been some time since I confessed
My time’s short but I thought that I
would pause here and get myself blessed
I’m no longer the man I was
the last time I sat under this light
Things have become less simple for me
the questions I asked multiplied

I’m a member of no race a subscriber to no creed
If you choose to label me it’s your prejudice you feed
I will not be what you are I will not be what you’re not
I’m a function of negation I’m a shadow I’m a god

You think it strange that a shadow could
exist without someone to cast it
I saw the sign at the point
of no return and I chose to go past it
I walk in shadow I know it’s wrong
But the touch of light makes me fade
Yet I do no evil and little good
mostly these days I just wait

I’m a member of no race a subscriber to no creed
If you choose to label me it’s your prejudice you feed
I will not be what you are I will not be what you’re not
I’m a function of negation I’m a shadow I’m a god

Now bless me father and five me
the sign of the cross on my forehead and chest
I fear your guess is as good as mine
just what has a shadow confessed
If you lie troubled awake
in your chamber remember that I don’t exist
If you don’t hear from me again
well I trust that I wouldn’t be missed

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

The Interim : Battles and Bands 18 : Gravity

2,112 : 27 ?


This is the hill I have to climb
This is the hill I have to climb
This is the hill I have to climb
This is the hill I have to climb

It don’t seem right but I know it’s mine

This is the stone over my tomb
This is the stone over my tomb
This is the stone over my tomb
This is the stone over my tomb

No Angel comin’ to let light into my room

You ask me way I’m so far down
You look but you can’t see
It’s by one law I lead my life
Gravity

Be nice to let the stone roll down
Be nice to let the stone roll down
Be nice to let the stone roll down
Be nice to let the stone roll down

Lie back and let it crush me into the ground

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics hereYou can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

The Interim : Battles and Bands 17 : Standstill

Don’t you know I’ve done my time
filling up my place in line
waiting for my number to appear
On it goes day in day out
Always wrestling with doubt
and the feeling that there’s nothing for me here

And the man behind the desk says wait your turn son
I haven’t got mine yet
I’m pushing twenty two
And there’s not a lot that’s new
I’m still looking for the place I’m s’posed to get

It’s just like my friend Eric said
It’s sunken cost all in your head
It’s fear alone that keeps you where you’re standin’
The shit I never cared about
is all I ever think about
what kind of fucking job I’ll end up landing

And the man behind the desk says wait your turn son
I haven’t got mine yet
I’m pushing twenty five
feeling a little less alive
still searching for the place I’m s’posed to get

That line it coils ‘round the world
like a serpent it is curled
biting its own tail never-ending
Stand still and do your part
know you’ll end up where you start
the world is on your spine to keep you bending

And the man behind the desk says wait your turn son
I haven’t got mine yet
I’m pushing sixty three
I have to doubt I’ll ever be
endin’ up in the place I’m s’posed to get

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

The Interim : Battles and Bands 16 : Slip the Tracks

I never finish
I never finish
I never finish anything I start
I never finish
I never finish anything I start
I’m not afraid
to write this song
I’m not afraid
to write this song
I’m not afraid
to write this song
I’m only afraid to do it wrong
Too distracted to begin
my thoughts slip the tracks again
I’m chasing down another
derailed creation
Lost looking for light
Lost looking for light
To show the way to make the words come right
Lost looking for light
Lost looking for light
To show the way to make the words come right
Giving up
is the easy part
giving up
is the easy part
giving up
is the easy part
When you don’t finish anything you start
Too distracted to begin
my thoughts slip the tracks again
I’m chasing down another
derailed creation
I never finish
I never finish
I never finish anything I start

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

The Interim : Battles and Bands 15 : The Hourglass Reigned

The hourglass reigned until its sand had
beat him halfway dead
said let the chips fall where they may
They all fell on his head
And tho he walked in ways of plays he’d seen
And books he’d read
The piper scorned payment in blood
And stole his time instead

She came to him like Christ, at the
beginning and the end
And when she left him, that was when
his mind began to bend
Around the words she’d spoken
when his lie he’d tried to lend
Your blood, my love, won’t buy me
it is time you have to spend

And for a while like fools and poets will
he spoke in rhyme
And said each day this search for truth
strikes me as less sublime
And tho to hilltop hermitages
he did bravely climb
The masters had no answers but
to give the matter time

His fingers moved like fire across
the fretboard of the dawn
He realized that all the dreams
he’d once had now were gone
And saw that when he’d lost himself
To chase a siren’s song
He had somehow forgotten
what he’d waited for so long

Twas not that he’d been crucified
that made him feel so lost
But that he knew that it was he
who’d built that wormwood cross
The rusted spikes that held his wrists
were rimed with blood and frost
He’d never even guess at
just how much his time would cost

Forty days and forty nights
he ran away from strife
And then stopped dead and balanced
on the thin edge of a knife
The God of war had taken Aphrodite
as his wife
And in the shadow of their wings
he wasted half his life

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

The Interim : Battles and Bands 14 : Need

2,105 : 20 ?


I need you - I guess you’ve heard that before
You need me - guess I could hear it, just once more
I don’t know what I need - she said goodbye
and I shut the door
I guess I know what I don’t need
Is to ask again what we’re fighting for
Oh, it’s always so, what will come and what will be
All I know all I know
One more lonely night’s gonna kill me
One more lonely night’s gonna kill me
One more lonely night’s gonna kill me
I don’t know what I need
You don’t know what you desire
maybe together we could not know nothing
maybe together we could put out this fire
I don’t know, don’t know what I need -
She said goodbye and I shut the door
Maybe it’s time maybe it’s time
to ask what the hell am I fighting for

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

The Interim : Battles and Bands 13 : The Masks (II)

The masks are gone now
I have survived
The storm has come and gone
I am alive
I can see clearly now
Shed of my mask
I see I’ve got one more
question to ask -

You can see me
But can I see you?
Maybe together
we’ll find something true

One man alone
may be deceived
But two together
might be believed

Two speaking clearly
could become three
The possibilities
seem endless to me

So if you can see me -
If you’re ready to
Then take off your mask, friend
I want to see you

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

The Interim : Battles and Bands 12 : The Storm

...The storm is Here

Mighty tornado
Raw twisting power
Who is responsible
for it’s calling, I
I called this storm up
brought down its fury
by living a life
That was a hidden lie
My time is up now
my debts are due now
I stand convicted
I stand alone in the eye

surrounded all about
by fearsome raging
winds that reach out and
grasp at my sanity
I cannot hold out
against this onslaught
I can’t withstand this
Towering potency
The walls are closing
in for the last time
I feel them tearing
what will become of me?

My God, my God what will become of me?
My God, my God what will become of me?
I call to God what has become of me?
Rip off the masks, rip off the masks
And set me free...

I hear a roaring
inside and outside
of my head as the
storm rips the masks from my face
They fly to pieces
scattered like ashes
storm bares my soul with
Ever increasing pace
And I stand naked
stripped of my armor
Storm has uncovered
my final hiding place

Nothing protects me
No walls left standing
Nothing is left now
Between the storm and me
The final mask is
Losing its purchase
My last defense gone
here now my end must be
The wind takes the mask
Rips it to splinters
The pieces fly away...

I am Free
I am Free
I am Free
Never again to have the masks say who I’ll be
The masks are gone for good
The storm has set me free
There’ll be no such thing as impossibility
The masks are ripped away
Look at what I am-
See me
See me
See me

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

The Interim : Battles and Bands 11 : The Calm

I’m tired of running
I’ve nothing left inside
The storm has got me cornered
There’s nowhere left to hide

Somehow I thought I’d make it
I must have been mistaken
I thought the masks would save me
But now I feel forsaken

I feel so calm before the storm
Though I know my end is near
It seems almost a blessing
There is no pain, there is no fear

At least I know that I can stop
Running this crazy race today
The storm has come to clean the slate
And blow what’s left of me away

Who would have thought the masks would win
Oh I still hoped I might get clear
and free myself at last of them
But it’s too late too late...

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

The Interim : Battles and Bands 10 : Let it Ride

2,098 : 13 ?



Thinking hacking pounding pondering
Looking for an answer, just another Saturday night
Looking for a way to get out
Should I try to get laid, should I try to get tight
I got lost so long ago, I can’t get back now
I burned every bridge that I crossed
My luck has finally run out, I lost the roll on
Every die that was tossed
There’s a time to cut your losses
There’s a time when you’ve got to swallow your pride
But it’s too late for me to get out now
I don’t care anymore, anymore
Let it Ride

Waiting for my ship to come in
Trying still when trying gets weary and old
Tired of trying to make a difference
Tired of looking in standing outside in the cold
I thought that maybe you could
Just answer one or two of the questions I had
You left me with less answers
That’s okay, I had a mask to make me look sad
World seems to think I owe it a living
It seems determined, bound to take it out of my hide
This time there’s no hedging bets
I put it all on the line on the line on the line
Let it Ride

No more looking for the answers
You can’t find them why waste your time on dismay
I know I have to do something quickly
I don’t know what but the masks are getting stronger each day
Did you really think you’d see me?
I can’t see me so how did you expect to get through
It was good you got out quickly
It’s all coming down the storm is starting to brew
One more broken heart couldn’t kill me
Just another loss just another thorn in my side
If the storm rips my life apart
Well I don’t like it anyway -
Let it Ride

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

reserved

It is a signifier of the amount of water gone under the bridge that the last time I investigated formally applying for copyrights of the songs of days I railed against the fact that the government could not deal with a simple electronic transfer of data. Years pass, apparently, and they've gotten a little closer to modernity down Library of Congress way. Frugal soul that I am I've started by compiling the entirety of the first project into a single volume and registering it as a single literary work. Which it is, to my mind, a compendium of original verse. The copyright office's website has this ridiculous, old school design and action, as if they kidnapped math teachers out of the 1980s and forced them to program it on VAX terminals, but it functions well enough. The thing ended up as a rich text file weighing in at an almost invisible 627 KB. It probably takes more memory to run a flashlight these days.

It is in fact a little bit alarming to ponder that any crazy with a computer and 35 dollars can make the government store a copy of whatever insane rantings they've produced at any time of the day or night... I wonder what sort of madhouse stockpile of ephemeral text they've accumulated since they started taking submissions online (because I have to confess, I probably still wouldn't have this done if I'd had to mail it... at 1,001 songs it's the printing that would really kill my enthusiasm for the project). Of course the irony here is that I am in fact one of the "crazies," seeing as how I don't really project a likelihood of doing much anything with the songs. I'm hoping somewhere along the line some factotum of Sony will gank a few lines out of one of my lyrics for some chanteuse of the week, then to fill my bank accounts with the sweet proceeds of litigation. Luckily my plans of growing rich, by whatever means, at the hands of the record industry are purely jocular, as their chances of being anyone's sugar daddy grow ever more remote. I'm not sure why to bother with the actual copyright, when I get right down to it. Except that it is the work of years, and it is mine. I figure I'll compile editions of the new project every 5 years or so, as I complete the transcriptions. On a related note I just finished transcribing the songs from the first book of the second series - the first time I've finished transcribing a book before I start actually posting it. A good sign, I'd like the transcription to actually get caught up at some point. Considering I'm on volume 12 in the second series this is a good way off yet, though. All rights reserved, kids.

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

The Interim : Battles and Bands 9 : Ever Decreasing Circles

You tell one more lie
To hide that you didn’t tell the truth
Smoke another cigarette
To lessen the pain that you quit
Screw up just one more day, it’s not
much when you’ve wasted your youth
All in all you always want
Whatever you can’t seem to get
In
Ever decreasing circles
Ever decreasing circles
Ever decreasing circles

Through the cycle one more time
telling yourself it’s the last
If you didn’t lie so well
You might have the courage to change
After all life’s not so bad
if you don’t count the present or past
Try to live with what you’ve got
You gave up your life in exchange
For
Ever decreasing circles
Ever decreasing circles
Ever decreasing circles

When the tears start falling
Pick up your masks one more time
Don’t let the world see you cry
They’ll use it to hurt you again
If they see your real face
they’ll charge you for every crime
It hurts to wear it always
But the mask helps to over the pain
of
Ever decreasing circles
Ever decreasing circles
Ever decreasing circles

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

The Interim : Battles and Bands 8 : Driving in the Spikes

Now my eyes are opened
and I can clearly see
The way out of the black mood
I thought had captured me
Live each day for what it’s worth
I think I’ve found the way
Now go to bed and sleep on it
Tomorrow’s a new day

When you wake your hopes blow away
Before you’ve started you’ve lost another day
Still you waste time with desires and dislikes
All your pretty hopes were just
Driving in the spikes

Pretty baby I love you so
And this is all that we require
I know that you were meant for me
And you are all that I desire
No more lonely days or nights
Now that you are by my side
I never thought I’d find this love
Oh I’m so very glad I tried

But when she’s gone the words become dust
What’s left untended finally turns to rust
You waste your time with desires and dislikes
All your pretty hope was just
Driving in the spikes

I know I’ll overcome this
If I believe I can
The masks are just a nightmare
I’m sure of who I am
the road is long, and I am young
and change can come each day
All I need is courage, then
The storm will fade away

But when your courage fails you you’re lost
You never stopped, to think or count the cost
Your time, wasted - desires and dislikes
All your pretty hopes
Driving in the spikes

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

The Interim : Battles and Bands 7 : The Lonely Lands

Oh pretty lady, please look out your window
I’m trying hard to make myself seen
I know I must seem indistinct and hazy
but if you listen to the words I sing
You might see me for what I really am
if you and I can just hold out our hands
maybe together we will never have to
spend another night in the lonely lands

Maybe I could see myself in your eyes
as clearly as you see yourself in mine
Do you think that we could get together
Oh pretty lady all I need is a sign
Everybody needs somebody with them
to protect them from time’s spilling sands
Oh when the winds of change are all around you
Doesn’t pay to be in the lonely lands

I see you draw back, and shut your window
You turn away and pull your curtains closed
Ignore this shadow, pale in the moonlight
whispering words that must not be disclosed
We’re all just prisoners locked behind our windows
I’m just a man who can’t say where he stands
Once I was happy, knew where I was going
Still I find myself in the lonely lands

Oh was it your fault, was it really my fault
there is no use in trying to place blame
we are the casualties of another war
man versus woman just another game
I’ll be all right, don’t you worry ‘bout me
Loneliness is a thing I understand
I have a mask that makes me look alive
I wear it when I walk in the lonely lands

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

The Interim : Battles and Bands 6 : The Dream

Last Night I had that dream, that dream
about the masks again
I wandered in a maze alone
And turned some corners, then
I came into a room like some
forgotten carnival
And saw my face was mirrored a million
times on every wall

Then I realized there were no
mirrors in that place
And what I saw were masks made in
the image of my face
In all my life in all my dreams
I’d not seen such a thing
masks for every mood I’d ever felt
from joy to pain

I wandered for what seems like hours
in that abandoned hall
and tried to understand the masks
that stared back from the wall
Masks of fear and friendship
Masks of drama and desire
Masks of hope and jealousy
of anger love and ire

I thought these masks are useful
I should take a few along
Whenever I don’t like the mood
I’m in I’ll slip one one
Then the world need never see
the shape I’m really in
no one else will ever get
to cause me pain again

Something happened then that caused
my heart and mind to balk
all the masks began to move
and then began to talk
All the masks seemed to be fighting
Struggling to be free
Every one seemed to be saying
it was really me

No I screamed it isn’t true
You are not what I am
You masks are just puppets but
I am the real man
The masks all flew around me
suffocating screaming lies
Till all that could be seen of me
was two lost tortured eyes

I woke then in my room then sitting,
shaking on the floor
And made my mind up then and there
to think of it no more
I drifted back to sleep again
My room was dark and warm
But far back in my mind I thought
I heard the gathering of a storm...

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

The Interim : Battles and Bands 5 : The Masks (I)

2,091 : 6 ?


What do you really think you’re gonna see
What do you think will meet your eyes
When you take off this mask, rip it off of me
Will you see me or just my next disguise

What will you penetrate?
What will you reveal?
What will you demonstrate?
What pain will you feel?
Did you think that you could
see into my mind
Did you think that it would
Be enough, for you to be kind

I am a master, of this I am not proud
It just happens when you feel a lot of pain
I am a shadow, a face without a crowd
Just a slick of oil on water, down the drain

What will you penetrate?
What will you reveal?
What will you demonstrate?
What pain will you feel?
Did you think that you could
see into my head
Did you think that it would
Be enough to take me to your bed

Better just leave quickly, I’m more than slightly bent
Just give in now you’ll never see my face
My masks and I are happy sometimes half content
Better for you to go, and leave me in this place

What will you penetrate?
What will you reveal?
What will you demonstrate?
What pain will you feel?
Did you think that you could
see into my soul
Did you think that you would
Be enough, enough to make me whole

I call to God what has become of me
Rip off the masks, rip off the masks
and set me free

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

mellow drama

"Battles and Bands" songs 5-13 are the undergraduate post-breakup song cycle with the running central metaphor which were called "The Masks". Hard times, hard times, come again no more.

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

The Interim : Battles and Bands 4 : Eagle Feather

Find a little piece of freedom
buried somewhere far away
we had it once or so they told us
must have lost it ‘long the way
our parents traded it for something
we don’t need or want today
maybe if we trace our footsteps
back to where it all began
we’ll find how such a hopeful country
turned into this wounded land
our parents made it into something
we don’t really understand
lost it now you try to tell us
what the hell we’re fighting for
well I don’t think we’re going to listen
too your bullshit anymore
you say we’ve got to stay the course
well can’t you hear the ocean roar
the mighty judgment’s coming down
we’re gonna have to fly to reach the shore
find myself an eagle feather
stood for freedom once I’m told
throw out all your faded symbols
and pray to God to make me bold
and set out now to make a difference
before I’m like you
scared and old

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

The Interim : Battles and Bands 3 : They Went Mad

Well your ship sailed out today
you said you thought the weather’s lifted
guess I’ve nothing left to say
you never promised you’d stay with me
guess we went a little mad
when the storm rolled in to blind us
guess we might as well be glad
to leave all them days behind us
well

Ain’t much left in the world today
and I don’t give a damn for the words you say
for the ones I lost and the ones I had
well I stayed for a while but I musta gone mad

Ain’t much left in the world today
and I don’t give a damn for the words you say
for the ones I lost and the ones I had
well I stayed for a while but I musta gone mad

Well another storm rolled in
yeah this one I weathered solo
and I watched the clouds roll by
while the time was passing so slow
Got a postcard in the spring
I got something left to give you
bein’ sane is no great thing
guess I’d rather be mad with you
Yeah

Ain’t much left in the world today
and I don’t give a damn for the words you say
for the ones I lost and the ones I had
well I stayed for a while but I musta gone mad

Ain’t much left in the world today
and I don’t give a damn for the words you say
for the ones I lost and the ones I had
well I stayed for a while but I musta gone mad

Ain’t much left in the world today
and I don’t give a damn for the words you say
for the ones I lost and the ones I had
well I stayed for a while but I musta gone mad

Ain’t much left in the world today
and I don’t give a damn for the words you say
for the ones I lost and the ones I had
well I stayed for a while but I musta gone mad
Gone mad
Gone mad
They went mad

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

The Interim : Battles and Bands 2 : Good Luck

Kid you wanna play in the band
you wanna ditch the nine to five
you say you wanna hold your fate in your hand
don’t want to have to hate your life to stay alive
kid you must be dreaming
kid you must be cracked
kid you’re fighting heavy odds
and it’s on your head they’re stacked
and the drummer lost the beat and the rhythm went to hell
and the bass player wasn’t looking too well
and the guitar player mistook the chords
and the singer’s voice cracked, he forgot the words
kid you’re looking a little sick
it ain’t as easy as you might think
maybe you lost your energy
yeah, maybe you just stink
hey kid are you leaving
hey kid are you beat
hey kid why you standing there
you think you’re gonna take the heat
don’t sell out don’t sell yourself short
don’t give in give up or give out
hey kid I can only say Good Luck
hey kid let me hear you shout
let me hear you shout

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

The Interim : Battles and Bands 1 : Sand and Ashes

I awoke from peaceful sleep
to find that I had gone too deep
by my bed there was a heap
of sand and ashes, sand and ashes

thought my body would be kept
from corruption while I slept
now there’s nothing left except
sand and ashes, sand and ashes

Hey man gun in your hand
think you’ve found the way to the promised land
all your dreams will turn to sand
and ashes in your mouth

Hey man gun in your hand
think you’ve found the way to the promised land
all your dreams will turn to sand
and ashes in your mouth

Used to have a golden touch
now I don’t add up to much
happiness is just a crutch
sand and ashes, sand and ashes

nothing left to me but vice
promises and bad advice
I took the trip, I’ll pay the price
sand and ashes, sand and ashes

Hey man gun in your hand
think you’ve found the way to the promised land
all your dreams will turn to sand
and ashes in your mouth

Hey man gun in your hand
think you’ve found the way to the promised land
all your dreams will turn to sand
and ashes in your mouth

Hey man gun in your hand
think you’ve found the way to the promised land
all your dreams will turn to sand
and ashes

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

Interim Phase 2: Battles and Bands

I was in a couple of bands in college, hastily concocted for the purpose of participating in the annual Battle of the Aforementioned, put on by the college radio station, KUMM (University of Minnesota, Morris being my alma mater). Which charmingly billed itself as the only radio station that put KUMM in your ear. The first band, the Stanley's House of Doors Band, was not very imaginatively named for the large, dilapidated, and mystifyingly over-endowed with doors rental house that all of we members lived in.

Indeed this band took first place at that year's Battle of the Bands with a set of covers and originals, a few of the latter bearing lyrics written by me. This band also later prompted one of those small world moments when I was sitting smoking a cigarette on the steps of my brother's apartment in Minneapolis and some friend of one of his fellow tenants looked strangely at me and then said "Stanley's House of Doors Band!"

The next year two of the members of that band had moved on to brighter lights and I joined my roommate in forming a new band. (We now lived in a rental trailer-home lot some enterprising slum lord had erected on the edge of town, a truly dismal little hovel up on cinder blocks, it's grim semiotics fully ameliorated by the fact that my rent there was $110 a month in 1993-1994, plus propane for the gas heater. We put heavy plastic over every window come winter and proceeded to smoke, heavily and unrepentantly, until my girlfriend (the one that came after the one I get into below) refused flatly to visit me at home any more. My roommate gave them up later in the winter. Not too long prior the school had finally banned smoking in the last few holdout spots indoors and one of the other former Stanley's Etc. bandmates, who was working maintenance crews in the summer, brought me one of the giant, silver, wall mounted ashtrays that had been stripped from the walls, a button beside the bifurcated tray to open its halves out and dump the accumulated butts into the bullet-shaped reservoir below. This I bolted to the side of the slight deck and staircase set against the side (and only) door and proceeded to smoke outside in the midst of a genuinely heinous winter on the prairie, so as to be a better influence). The name of the band was Crackspine, its genre was Hardcore, and I gamely endeavored to write hardcore lyrics in the spirit of the thing. I had a wretched case of bronchitis during the Battle of the Bands and we did not win.

Somewhere before or in and along this thing I wrote a series of connected, vaguely narrative songs called The Masks, so named for their extraordinarily clichéd central metaphor. These were inspired by a break-up, naturally, the same one that spawned the last two of the Journal Songs. In retrospect that relationship was fairly misbegotten and I was lucky to be out of it and would probably have been better off if it's total duration had been shortened by about two thirds but of course it was my first serious college relationship so I was unclear on these realities at the time.

Such as they are, then, these songs. Some were nearly lost, I dug out of the inexorably decaying disk-based data archives a rough rip from analog (VHS, to be precise) of that long ago triumphant Battle, which had been missing for a couple years now, and was in quite literally the last place I had to look. Which allowed me to transcribe a few that I'd lost all written record of. Whatever the lyrics may represent in themselves, this was the first time I really intentionally set myself to serially writing verse to be sung, and I suppose I never really stopped.

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

The Interim : Journal Songs 6 : Not Enough

2,084 : 15 ?


Love is not enough though this is what we must have thought
And I’m not sure what kind of thing we thought that we’d bought
And it was good for me to love you, though I’ve hurt it was
And if you ask me why I think it’s so, well - Just because

And If I had it all to do I’d do it all again
For I will not believe that what he had was some great sin
We made mistakes I’m sure well just like everyone must do
Don’t ask me why I feel this way, I just believe it’s true

And if I hear the rulers of this dark world at my door
Testifying that my judgment in this thing was poor
I’ll rebuke them though they might well nail me to the wall
What we had was worth it I just think so that is all

And I’m not sayin’ that we should go back to where we were
Time is come for movin’ on but of one thing I’m sure
One day we’ll all laugh together, all of us who tried
And finally get the answers, for every tear we cried

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

The Interim : Journal Songs 5 : Jenny's Song

These are the Holes you Left Behind
Holes on my walls, holes in my mind
Holes where pictures used to be
You seem nervous I look happy

I can’t believe you got so brave
That you could set both of us free
That you could say what I could see
And you tried so hard to be kind
You couldn’t save
me from the holes you left behind

I would have waited just a little more
It wouldn’t have helped but then what did
And just who am I tryin’ to kid
There’s not much for
These holes you left behind

These are the holes you left behind
I try to fill them in my mind
Try with one for two to atone
I try to smile but I’m alone

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

The Interim : Journal Songs 4 : Sometimes On My Mind

I met you in an old notebook
I kept from long ago
I though for sure that I had gotten
rid of you completely
I saw you on TV with some old friends
we both still know
I had to wonder if you were still
tryin’ to defeat me
But then I knew it couldn’t be so
I knew you must forget me
I never got to say goodbye
You know, you’d never let me
I don’t mean to say
I want you back, you know I don’t
I don’t mean to say I’m sorry
I may be, but I won’t
For I have found a truer love
I’ve left you far behind
I guess that all I had to say
Is sometimes you are on my mind
And I won’t hurt you if you wanna talk
you know I’m glad to
I never meant to cause you pain
I just did the things I had to

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

The Interim : Journal Songs 3 : Moths

2,078 : 9 ?


Moths dance for light in the window well
Radio sings with a story to tell
Blind men dream about heaven and hell
The deaf man can’t hear the warning bell
Me I just lit my last cigarette
what’s death when life seems a losing bet
wanting whatever I can’t seem to get
Life’s love the stars in their courses set
Just another war, just another defeat
Summer burns off winter’s lust for heat
Try to keep the death in my head discreet
Try not to show that my heart missed a beat
Moths know they’re destined, to light they fly
Living for hope that from here seems a lie
It’s light that they live for, for light they’ll die
Just another mote in God’s knowing eye

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

The Interim : Journal Songs 2 : Anarchist's Revenge

Absolute chaos
Trial by fire
Civilization’s
funeral pyre
End of order
Law’s demise
Anarchy is on the rise
Anarchy, Anarchy -
I’ll change the world, wait and see
Anarchy, Anarchy-
Leave the planet’s fate
To me

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

The Interim : Journal Songs 1 : Requiem

I don’t wanna die
A child of technology
I will die when it’s
the universe’s time for me
I don’t wanna die in an automobile
with a flash of light and a crash of steel
steel piercing flesh, the last thing I feel
that’s why
I don’t wanna die in an automobile

I don’t wanna die - underneath a gun
though guns don’t kill people it was Adam’s son
It was by technology the deed was done
that’s why
I don’t wanna die - underneath a gun

I don’t wanna live
A child of technology
A thousand tubes and bottles
going in and out of me
I will die in an icy stream
with only the water to hear my scream
until my body’s nature’s dream
I will die in an icy stream

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

Interim Phase 1: The Journal Songs

I kept a personal journal for a long time - from early teens to early thirties, and for a good chunk of 8 or 9 years in there wrote almost daily. At some point very early in the century I felt like it had just become a workbook where I came and inscribed a reiteration of quotidian existential sorrows against which I was making no sort of progress and I quit. Its many volumes now squat in a couple of boxes tucked back into a dim shelf in the basement, daring me to do anything at all with it. I tried intentionally reading it a couple of times (when I was in the midst of writing it I would frequently browse over older material but this habit did not persist past its active life) but always came rather quickly up against some point in my life the recollection of which was painfully unpleasant. It is not always so great to encounter relatively sincere representations of your younger selves. I kind of prefer my less documented antecedent, who I can edit mentally as needed to not be quite such a dumbass.

So to date I've only done two things with the journals since they went into the boxes. When I compiled the questionable visual document of my existence we call The Bootstrap Gospel Graphic Novel, I scanned a bunch of small, cartoon-ish self-portraits I'd sketched in the books over the years (a habit that now brings to mind the inherently solipsistic nature of the journal, not that there's anything particularly wrong with that), printed copies of them and pasted them into a multi-page collage for the book's penultimate section, entitled "Spheres of Influence."

The other thing I did, quite recently, was to go through all the books and pull out the handful of incidental song lyrics I'd written in its pages over the years. There turned out to be rather less of these than I'd expected. The thing is, I had this very clear recollection of writing half a dozen songs and assumed this would translate into at least a couple dozen, considering the ones I didn't remember writing. But it turned out I remembered almost all the songs I'd written in my journals. I also deemed some number of my versical efforts to have been intended as poems, and have permitted myself the kindness of omitting them for this project, as they are awful. In any event, these are the most juvenile of the juvenilia about to be presented, though a certain persistent sensibility is evident from the start.

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here