The Interim : Journal Songs 1 : Requiem

I don’t wanna die
A child of technology
I will die when it’s
the universe’s time for me
I don’t wanna die in an automobile
with a flash of light and a crash of steel
steel piercing flesh, the last thing I feel
that’s why
I don’t wanna die in an automobile

I don’t wanna die - underneath a gun
though guns don’t kill people it was Adam’s son
It was by technology the deed was done
that’s why
I don’t wanna die - underneath a gun

I don’t wanna live
A child of technology
A thousand tubes and bottles
going in and out of me
I will die in an icy stream
with only the water to hear my scream
until my body’s nature’s dream
I will die in an icy stream

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

Interim Phase 1: The Journal Songs

I kept a personal journal for a long time - from early teens to early thirties, and for a good chunk of 8 or 9 years in there wrote almost daily. At some point very early in the century I felt like it had just become a workbook where I came and inscribed a reiteration of quotidian existential sorrows against which I was making no sort of progress and I quit. Its many volumes now squat in a couple of boxes tucked back into a dim shelf in the basement, daring me to do anything at all with it. I tried intentionally reading it a couple of times (when I was in the midst of writing it I would frequently browse over older material but this habit did not persist past its active life) but always came rather quickly up against some point in my life the recollection of which was painfully unpleasant. It is not always so great to encounter relatively sincere representations of your younger selves. I kind of prefer my less documented antecedent, who I can edit mentally as needed to not be quite such a dumbass.

So to date I've only done two things with the journals since they went into the boxes. When I compiled the questionable visual document of my existence we call The Bootstrap Gospel Graphic Novel, I scanned a bunch of small, cartoon-ish self-portraits I'd sketched in the books over the years (a habit that now brings to mind the inherently solipsistic nature of the journal, not that there's anything particularly wrong with that), printed copies of them and pasted them into a multi-page collage for the book's penultimate section, entitled "Spheres of Influence."

The other thing I did, quite recently, was to go through all the books and pull out the handful of incidental song lyrics I'd written in its pages over the years. There turned out to be rather less of these than I'd expected. The thing is, I had this very clear recollection of writing half a dozen songs and assumed this would translate into at least a couple dozen, considering the ones I didn't remember writing. But it turned out I remembered almost all the songs I'd written in my journals. I also deemed some number of my versical efforts to have been intended as poems, and have permitted myself the kindness of omitting them for this project, as they are awful. In any event, these are the most juvenile of the juvenilia about to be presented, though a certain persistent sensibility is evident from the start.

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

The Interim

Which wraps it up for project one of the Songs of Days. I wrote My Masterpiece, put the book on the shelf, and wrote next to nothing, lyrically speaking, for over 4 years.

Between closing the first daily project and initiating the second we got married, bought a house, had a child. I became a homemaking parent, leaving the 40 hour week office work world for the first time since I left college. And somewhere in the first year of that new life, following a train of thought I no longer have a clear grasp on, I decided I would begin again, this time with the intent of writing 10,000 consecutive songs in as many days. The scope of this project is just shy of 27 and a half years. If I persist (and survive) the project will be completed on Saturday, September 18, 2032, half a month past my 61st birthday.

I'll begin posting those songs, whose writing is ongoing, on the 6th anniversary of their inception, May 4, 2011. In the meantime, I present:

The Interim.

Between January 7, 2011 and May 3, 2011 I'll post most of the lyrics I have written outside of the Songs of Days projects - before, during, after, in between and during again. There are not quite enough of these for daily posting until May, but it will be nice to take weekends off from blogging for a while. For those of you following along at home, look forward to the opportunity of imagining my squirming embarrassment as I present to the public for the first time the angst-ridden products of my adolescence and much, much more. Sadly some of the true gems of my youth are apparently gone for good... I remember one with a sort of D&D, horseback knight in armor theme that was really about a girl who shot me down in high school, which, damn. I can only remember a couple slight scraps of those lyrics and that is a shame. I got rid of a very great deal of personal ephemera after I graduated from college, a decision I mostly don't regret, but this product along with a lot of other youth writing was probably a victim of that purge. Anyway I'll give you what I've got.

Post Script, May 2011: Now that this project is complete, a quick guide to the various sections of the interim and links to what I wrote about them:

Phase 1. The Journal Songs, posted January 7 through January 17, 2011
Phase 2. Battles and Bands, posted January 18 through February 28, 2011
Phase 3. The Two Track Mind Era, posted March 2 through April 22, 2011
Phase 4. The Lepton Lyrics, posted April 25 through May 3, 2011

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

1,001 : 1/5/01 : My Masterpiece

I won’t stop I can’t desist or cease
Do you wanna come up for a cup?
I’ll let you see my masterpiece
I’ve got it under lock and key, I keep it under my bed
I’ve got it under a bushel basket
it’s all locked up tight inside my head
Someday I’m gonna be rich and famous
a real Picasso of verse
Maybe I’ll get something better than fame
I can’t see much that’s worse
What do you think of it so far
This row I chose to hoe on
What do you think of my Masterpiece
it’s all I have to go on
We’re rolling; nothing’s ever final
things take a life of their own
in bits and bytes and tape and vinyl
It’s time to wrap up the masterpiece
put it back up on the shelf
I don’t know call it what you will
It’s just a thing I tell myself

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

1,000 : 1/4/00 : The Inevitable

The inevitable final failure
final triumph, penultimate thrash
We’re all standing on the same line
We’ll all get knocked off by the crash
When it comes my time for leaving
I don’t want nobody to moan
I know the Kingdom’s coming baby
and this veil of flesh is just a loan
How well I know it’s just one loop
and each word we say is irrevocable
I’ll keep my counsel till the moment comes
then step up to the great inevitable
it could be tomorrow it comes
who can say it couldn’t be today
it may be that it comes never
I’ve heard it sometimes happens that way
when the inevitable final reckoning
draws my equation’s sum
I’ll pull my hand outta that pie in the sky
I’ll be holding a perfect plum

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

999 : 1/3/01 : Wage Slave Redux

2,070 : 1 ?


Roll out the red, strike up the band
come on tough guy stand an hour
in my shoes
singing the wage slave blues
It’s heart and soul baby liver and lights
Ooh lord we gonna have a time tonight
Dancing the wage slave rag
This time next year we’ll have a whole new bag
No message here no nothing surprising
‘bout the workers revolution and the radical uprising
Aw baby get that wage slave swing
wage slave redux, a man is how he fucks
aw shucks I ain’t got no excuses for
the way I am
Kicking out the wage slave jam
But forget it tonight baby
and let your attitude get right baby
Do it till you drop
hip to the wage slave hop

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

998 : 1/2/01 : Tha Afterlife

What will it be after the light goes out
will another light come one
what do you think of tha afterlife theory
or that maybe it’s been come and gone
I dreamed I died on a bus
came back as a werewolf
Forgot my fate my spectral state
I dreamed I saw the Rapture
But I didn’t get taken
But I refused to rise to that bait
Ain’t thought too much about tha afterlife theory
Tha afterlife itself or even dying
who knows what comes
I only know I’ll not waste
My time goodbying

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

997 : 1/1/01 : Rock and Roll

Rock and roll
rock and roll
rock and roll
In the beginning
God created
rock and roll
To the mountain
to the sea
to the valley, you and me
in my heart dear
in my soul
God created
rock and roll
I
Cross the Mississippi
on a bus
I don’t think I’m crazy
but you must
while they count their
Silver and gold
I escaped with Rock and roll

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

The end of the beginning

The first songs of day project is nearing the end, just five songs to go. I'm trying to remember how I felt about the whole thing at the time. Ten years ago is a long time, though, and I was no longer keeping a journal at the time so I have no record appeal to. I recall being pretty caught up in my work situation, a condition that persisted for another couple of years. My never particularly robust aspirations to make some kind of a serious go at making music had definitely been pretty well cracked up on the rocks at that point. I think I was satisfied with my final songs. I don't think I felt much if any conflict about the project ending.

It is a weird, other world viewed through a lens of historical distortion, both personal and societal history. Before marriage, before child, before a gang of suicidal monotheistic zealots attained some fundamental change in this country, or maybe just better exposed a rot, a flaw that had been there from the beginning. Or maybe just opened my eyes more thoroughly to this thoroughly rotten world, I don't know. Before the world changed, again, and definitively not for the better. Before the turn of the century, and the beginning of this unpromising and fragile new one, in which I have been so thoroughly disappointed, now poised to commence the start of its tenth year. And me hoping as always for a better path, a better plan, some new philosophy, but for now left only with the one borrowed from another, to push on.

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

996 : 12/31/00 : 5 to 1

Five to one and one to five
maybe the less blessed survive
Easy enough to slip off the coil
free of the misery heartache and toil
12 of one, half dozen another
maybe it’s like what I heard from my brother
the dice are loaded and the fix is in
The world is doomed and drowned in sin
five four three two one and none
Father holy ghost and son
counting down an uncertain fate
Certain to finish what’s on my plate

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

995 : 12/30/00 : Coming Down

One Billion billion unique crystals
suspended a mile high
coming down as soft as breath
all caught and frozen in my mind’s eye
Turn it all around an axis
skyscrapers, streets and cars
people shopping kids in strollers
Girls in shops and guys in bars
Coming down on all of it
in a soft and yielding pile
pushed around and off the streets
to linger for a little while
transformation comes so easy
with the seasons with the days
with the hours the world’s turning
it comes down and never stays
more than half a planet’s journey
since the question the reply
now it’s coming down suspended
caught and frozen in my mind’s eye

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

994 : 12/29/00 : Go To the Mountain

I went to Buddha and then
back to Jesus Christ
I went to Mohammed asked him
how he pulled the Mountain heist
The Buddha made a secret sign
And Jesus smiled and shrugged
Mohammed didn’t say anything
when at his hem I tugged
And I said guess I better go to the mountain
Guess I better go there myself
No point waitin’ for the Lord to
pull another miracle off the shelf
Guess I better go to the mountain
and argue my own case
Guess that I’ve exhausted the potential
of staying in one place

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

993 : 12/28/00 : Violence

A crucible constructed for the temperance of silence
the mode of execution was a whispered dream
the solitary method that came through was violence
the product of the process was the silent meme

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

992 : 12/27/00 : Resin

The residue burns easily and
leaves a resin in the bowl
That wise men mix with paper fortunes
light it with a burning coal
The resin the rosin the sap the blood
That flows all through the fire
settles on the back of my throat
seems to stimulate the wire
And when the pile’s been consumed
it leaves a residue behind
that powdered up and drank with wine
Blows wise men’s wise dogs’ minds

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

991 : 12/26/00 : Drill

When you drill into my head with pain
is that something
does that mean anything?
Sick to death and lying in the dark
is it supposed to do
anything but bark?
The drill is evil, the drill lets me down
you use the drill too much
it locks me in a frown
the drill detracts from my quality of life
but if it isn’t the drill
it’s the knife
I fell asleep and saw
the drill was in it’s hand
I came awake and saw
the writing in the sand
let he who has no sin
forsake the drill and what it means
the rest of them must stand in line
the drill waits too
behind the scenes

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

990 : 12/25/00 : Hello Kitty Kat

Hello Kitty Kat
howdja get to be a kitty like that?
Hello Kitty Kat
Howdja get to be a kitty like that?
Hello Mousiekins
Could I bother you to die for my sins?
Hey there Mousiekins
Is this where it all begins
Good day Malcolm Kay
Only 19 letters to judgement day
Good day Malcolm Jay
Good grief, going backwards, this could take all day
Hello Kitty Kat
What exactly do you make of that?
Good by Kitty Kat
dunno what it means but it ends like that

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

989 : 12/24/00 : Anticipation

Heaven’s gonna be like
sitting at the station
A permanent vacation
Waiting to traverse a nation
coast to coast
from last to most
there’s nothing quite so good
as the anticipation

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

988 : 12/23/00 : Rome

As the trains rattle the wall
I follow another ordinary call
I’m going home but it’s not my home
So to wrap it on the sixth line
I prepare to greet what’s half mine
What would be true wherever I may roam

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

987 : 12/22/00 : Couplet

Racing through oblivious not hearing
listening or seeing what you’re fearing
the rush of senses makes it seem okay
To write another couplet song today
Circularity betrays awareness
less’n you are dealing with His Freakness
even then you always used the loop
and there was even lower you would stoop
The technique calls for linkages via phone
the final proof we’ve never been alone
for every socket there’s a plug to fit
for every drive a spare to slave to it
despite a fear of landing on my feet
I’ll race ahead to couple with the beat

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here

986 : 12/21/00 : Moon Water (Reprise)

Is this the enlightenment?
No more water in the pail
No more moon in the water
The moment I think I understand
it’s already out of hand
tied with a bamboo strip
fall through the crack in our lives
where one man falls another strives
And on the moon the water is
nowhere there is no water on the moon
there’s no pail in the mind
the moon and all are left behind
Another theory proves suspect
another paradigm reject
It’s all it’s nothing anyway
that’s all there is nothing else to say

You can read an explanation of the origin of these lyrics here