2.2007 : 10/31/2010 : Five Years Gone

Late thinking on five years gone by
too many things I didn't think through
obsessed with long goodbyes
and wishes that didn't come through
not much to say about
firsts and lasts and and starts and finishes
and still the promises
and still the hopeless wishes
If it could be like a game I played
pick the hour and choose to rest
go back a lot longer than five years gone
where would I be if I'd really been my best
keep asking what can I expect
something different seems a stretch
think about five more years gone
think what l'd travel back to fetch
and what I'd cast behind
only this minute to transform
maybe someday someday
another tale will be my norm

what

2.2006 : 10/30/2010 : Something Else

If I could be something else, a magician
a far traveler, wandering poet and guide
a ship's captain, a stately patrician
how much would it change how I feel inside
maybe I've put the chicken before the egg
and it's the feelings inside that do the defining
limited to this narrow circle no chance to renege
and so useless the something else I'm pining
for and perhaps on the matter of feeling
it is paying them heed that's the culprit
slave to emotions and the chances they're stealing
that could see me in the wheelhouse, see me in the pulpit
but other times I think what the whole problem boils
down to is wanting to be this other something
barking up the wrong tree while my dinner spoils
I don't know if that's horrible or comforting

what

2.2005 : 10/29/2010 : Simple

Simple it's all so very simple
not a wrinkle of doubt or hesitance
so as to why it took so long or is
taking so long it must come down to circumstance
to do this and to not do that
it doesn't take a genius to plan
so some start immediately
but I'm not such a simple man
little turns out as  I wish it
always better in my thoughts before
but that can't be allowed an impediment
I've got what I've got and simply nothing more
maybe never enough maybe never quite good
maybe simple and plain like an unworked band
but I can't deny I see a glimpse of something higher
it has all unfolded just as I planned

what

2.2004 : 10/28/2010 : Last

By God I think that I can
win through if I can just last
that's yesterday's question
that moment is long past
and seems far longer a lifetime
that happened to some other guy
who made the same mistake twelve hundred times
and never thought to even once ask why
The last of this the first of that
none of it will matter in three months' time
it is an old square stone at the back of the hill
and see what you read when you scrape off the grime
here lies the last of the early risers
dragged across days by a slender thread
that must reel us all back asleep and drifting
floating dragged by that strand at the back of your head
Is that the last verse? no this is the last verse
reeling it in on its own little strand
to remember where I marked a moment, a form
held its symbol like a single candle in my hand

what

2.2003 : 10/27/2010 : Wind

Remember the night
of the terrible wind
thinking of what's given
and what power can rescind
all the things left undone
however you might work
and how the way of everything
seems like an unguided quirk
have I stood up
and made my position plain
and if the file has been corrupted
then I must stand up again
know I never do enough
or live up to my heroes
in a future that must be composed
of more than ones and zeroes
will one more gesture carry me
to be asleep in twenty four
and dreaming of some wonder world
and pray to do a little more
when he morrow comes calling
to whatever place I'm pinned
pray my prayers get carried up
by this crazy mighty wind

what

2.2002 : 10/26/2010 : Winter's Heart

How do I give up at the end of the day?
I try to live up but still I have to put the thing away
And almost every night something plays a trick
And all my clever promises just do not seem to stick
What am I looking for - amazing I don't know
Is it just a metaphor, or somewhere new to go
but the few places that I end at never change
it is no wonder if I feel somewhat deranged
There's nothing new to see but they dress it in different clothes
I asked the angel who the chosen were but he said not those
Oh did I not mention the black angel that haunts my nights
pushing my pen around and getting me in fights
tonight will be different that's what I've chosen to say
I don't known how or why but I'll believe it anyway
as darkness closes its hands around another winter's heart
I will pretend I've solved the riddle and have made a start

what

2.2001 : 10/25/2010 : Failing

I hate to blow you off again
but failing's not a mortal sin
and I am succeeding
at other things
for now
I should not equivocate
something that I always hate
to see in anyone else
but it make me grit my teeth and seethe
my head with comic storm clouds wreathed
that I really don't have anything to express
not even a no, no, not even a yes

what

2.2000 : 10/24/2010 : Beginnings

So many so called beginnings
it must start to look suspect
Alongside a stark sameness
saying what did you expect

Since I can't find the words
that sound like anything true
I will leave it at that
and just try to drift through

what

2.1999 : 10/23/2010 : Party Like It's

I think I already did this
Oh God I already did this all
what do you do when no matter what it's crazy
and plus you just felt your back brush the wall
I already got angry at stupid strangers
I already kicked the goalpost back
I already forgot the other thing I already did
hell just toss it up on the damn stack
Should I party like it's whatever whatever
already did it ten years gone and more
and did that other thing that I'm trying not to write about
I'm not embarrassed it's just such a bore
It's all so boring predictable nonsense
no chance of difference no reprieve
I haven't got a chance in hell why fight it
and it doesn't matter what I believe
guess I stay hopeful 'cause it's just hell not to
don't know how I do it after all these years
best not to talk about it think about it
listen to me kids if you've got ears

what

2.1998 : 10/22/2010 : Familiarity

It's time we took familiarity back
it's time we threw
every sacred cow on the stack
I don't know who that dude is
but he seems honest to me
it's time we it's time we
decided to take back free
I dream a perfect world
unapologetic
it's time I once again
declared myself peripatetic
not much chance these days
but hey if the dream pays
I'll call it familiar
and take it back
I'll call this the last day
and cast myself to the rack

what

2.1997 : 10/21/2010 : Bridge

I wish that I could burn that bridge
the one no one can see but me
to known it's there makes my head bound
to light it up would set me free
I fall asleep next thing I know
I wake up I'm halfway across
Because I've got no insurance
I'll have to sell it at a loss
Hey mister can I interest you
in something that's invisible
and in a place I cannot map
The situation's risible
but I'm not laughing I can't stop
dreaming of soaring towers of flame
I burn it all day long in my head
but every day it's just the same

what

2.1996 : 10/20/2010 : The Game Also

Hate the players and hate the game also
I thought my virtue was true
but it turned out to be false-o
I'm no player but the game beat me anyway
don't know what I came to say
besides I sure don't want to play
no more but you got no option to quit
the majority claims life
and by gods they'll have a piece of it
and some will howl
over this or that scrap
fools who can't differentiate
the territory for the map
no villains no heroes no winning
never a half time
never a final inning
The game also ends for each alike
Whether you sing a big song
or choke at the mic
seems unfair and arbitrary
well who says it isn't
but what do I know
I'm just some game-hating pissant

what

2.1995 : 10/19/2010 : Coup

Not much of a coup
but it's going to have to do
rather have it done
than try to impress anyone
left it to the last
still must let the ghosts go past
and point face to the sun
go on just like anyone

what

2.1994 : 10/18/2010 : Vanishing

The point's been vanishing
all along while I was banishing
what I thought were ghosts of the past
while I thought the spell would last
woke up recently enraged
at the dumb business
that had me engaged
I put a stop to that
but now I cannot find my main hat
now I cannot find my role
and all the days have taken their toll
and my optimism's fit to vanish
like my calculus and Spanish
all I lost to lack of use
all I've lost, and no excuse
I used to blame it all on fate
now just pray that the vanishing abate

what

2.1993 : 10/17/2010 : Thorn

Just what is this thorn
this irritant?
that makes me obtuse
and belligerent
that makes me drink
the poison
that turns this
wretched noise on
and so many times
I've said enough
always knowing
I can call that bluff
and slam my stupid hand
down on the thorn
keep trying but the doubt's
already born

what

2.1992 : 10/16/2010 : Sea Change

The sea change comes
just like the cycle hums
It rises like an ocean
and crashes just like a notion

what

2.1991 : 10/15/2010 : Oblivious

And I'm oblivious now
detached from time
I hate the thought of dragging it out
so I shouldn't do the crime
but these days keep coming
and the fever is strong
it will go one way or the other
and it won't be long

what

2.1990 : 10/14/2010 : Flow

Whatever flow is it isn't this
this is just simulation
the bottom line regurgitates a common theme
the lessonless, manifest reiteration
I do not have what I claimed to have
detachment, objectivity, whatever
I don't know what I have or don't have
I don't think that I'm even clever
at this point just to stop grabbing buckets of dismay
stop trying to ascend that pile
It's pretty gloomy now but I can only hope
things will lighten up a bit after a while

what

2.1989 : 10/13/2010 : Certain

To be certain
just can't be certain
So pull the curtain
and get on with it
Words lost to chaos
Well probably no great loss
it irks but who knows
it could be a hit
but this hit calls
and maybe that's all
remember to forget

what

2.1988 : 10/12/2010 : Blanked

Blanked out on whatever
I thought I had on my mind
Leaving an empty status
that left me in a bind
I've got no continuity
I've got no future plan
I just keep dreaming of seeing
the flash of gold in my pan

what

2.1987 : 10/11/2010 : Pending

When you can't tell if you don't know
or you're just pretending
Guess that could be real uncertainty
decision pending
When you're pretty sure
that either fork leads to the pits
might as well put it off
no use in throwing fits
don't feel right and I don't feel right
when I did I can't recall
but it must have been so lovely
must have had a ball
pending some enlightenment
some transcending flash
I guess I'll keep my counsel
try not to be rash

what

2.1986 : 10/10/2010 : Unremarkable

So is that it?
Is that everything?
the fear of the
unremarkable?
Go to be early
stay healthy and wise
avoid the fantastic
and the impractical
I hate the dumb romantics
who praise their follies
but I may be
just as bad
Sometimes I feel
just sick of everything
and no matter how I play it
I'll feel like I've been had

what

2.1985 : 10/9/2010 : Say Your Prayers

Say your prayers
Say your prayers
at the last possible minute
and as quickly as you can
put it off
until your mind is numb and humming
with a thousand contradictions
right back where the thing began
why do it anymore
I believe but I don't believe
that what I do matters
that i has any effect
I believe in You not me
and that what will be will be
and that seems to render everything
pointless when you stop to reflect

what

2.1984 : 10/8/2010 : Better Story

What if the better story
is disappointing
and less interesting
what then?
I only ever asked for
simple instructions
I never asked to
wield the pen
What if almost
nobody has
much of a story
has much significance
what if it's all
just a stage but
we are not players
but merely and audience

what

2.1983 : 10/7/2010 : Recovery

After the affliction
the recovery
past the worst depths of addiction
hopefully some discovery
reminder of better days
oh how we are poorly dealt
in so many way
another dense brick of evidence
for the disbelievers
why'd you make such flawed vessels
such faulty receivers
no answer there
yet you helped me at my darkest hour
the paradox of recovery
the discovery of a hidden flower

what

2.1982 : 10/6/2010 : Almost

Complete failure on
almost every level
so many chances to
run hot or run cold
I'm no ascetic
and there's no chance to revel
and I wasted another day
dreaming about gold
almost everyone I know
has gotten too busy
to worry about my problems
well I shouldn't complain
cause they all seem small
but all in all I get quite dizzy
when I stack them all up
and try to explain
I almost thought I had
an inkling of the answer once more
I didn't even bother to
write it down this time
I knew what I'd be chewing on
knew what was in store
knew it would all but evaporate
at the first bell's chime

what

2.1981 : 10/5/2010 : Sawing

That violin that I hear sawing
away
is just a bow fixed to
a dumb spinning wheel
a high sweet voice
heard in a dream
is a stylus scraping down
a disk of steel
good heavens did we
slip back a decade or two
there's no redeeming
this wretched start
but it's just another dram
in this damn hell brew

what

2.1980 : 10/4/2010 : Möbius

I looped a short white ribbon
with a half twist
and on that möbius band
I ground a fine grist
and when the subject
was the thinnest dust
Still I was faced with
just what I must
going backwards
just the same ahead
at some point no matter
where I was it came to a head
no way forward
but to break the band
and it will be a long season
till I really understand

what

2.1979 : 10/3/2010 : Epic

I think I hoped it would be epic
think I thought it would be epic
but I sort of planned for boring
fuck what all was I ignoring
and jesus what a topic
being dull dim and myopic
worst part not much different now
waiting still for the ka-pow

what

2.1978 : 10/2/2010 : Stupid Plan

I've got a stupid plan
I've got a stupid little plan
and I'm sure that it won't work
but it'll cover me for tonight
and I'm a stupid man
yeah I'm a stupid little man
and I'm not making progress
but I don't I still deserve to feel all right
first off I've done it all before
secondly it doesn't make any sense
so I'm expecting things to go very differently
this time around
worst of all I still buy into all of it
oh how I'll cringe a decade hence
coming back upon these strange predictions
Oh how it will all look from higher ground

what

2.1977 : 10/1/2010 : Perspective

Is there a perspective on this
where I do not look the fool
probably not I'm pretty sure
I know these tired angles
And was the time spent looking
for just the wrong tool
trying to true the square with triangles
At some point I will look back
and see it as a hideous start
to another long session of deception
I would like to look back
see the time when I got smart
and this little side step as an exception

what