Thursday, December 10, 2015

2.1610 : 9/29/09 : American Psycho

Nobody listens: that is the lesson
so it doesn’t matter, who hears the confession
everybody’s implicated, everybody’s culpable
so everybody is in on the clean up
and the tension in here is palpable
observe the average specimen: male, American, Psycho
wondering what you’d look like with your head on a pike-oh
wondering if the ghosts of these memories every existed
wondering at this death impulse, why we ever resisted
I saw her give a little smile
from the back of the cruiser
as it pulled away from the curb
that’s when I knew I was the loser


what

2.1609 : 9/28/09 : Back Down in the Hole

There’s a lesson in this
if I bring myself to hear
the mission to get clear
can obscure what threw me
back down in the hole
back down in the hole
That’s easy but this is hard
to find another path to trod
wave the carrot or don’t spare the rod
Who knows what will keep me from falling
back down the hole
back down the hole
maybe I’ll leave one more gap
at least it won’t be the same today
maybe tomorrow well who can say
having nothing to do but hope and pray
I don’t end up just jumping
Back down the hole
back down the hole

what

Wednesday, December 09, 2015

2.1608 : 9/27/09 : Faith

Believing in an outcome may be required
Some anodyne some tonic for
when I get tired
when you’re faking so much
and making so little
And sunk in real doubt
there’s a real answer to the riddle
Confusion is okay for a chapter or two
but it won’t make the nut
for the whole book of you
Maybe faith in something more
than ears stopped, eyes closed
a knowing you require
when every obstacle’s exposed


what

2.1607 : 9/26/09 : Stacks

The stacks get so high
and it’s all my fault
what to believe in
I’m sick on grains of salt
will I ever get better
as good as I demand
will I ever leave this desert
stop pounding sand
so many ways to go astray
lose all my momentum
So many other lines like this
these ideas I just rent them

what

Quarterly report: Coarse and Find

Been a while.

what

Tuesday, November 10, 2015

2.1606 : 9/25/09 : Teacher Appear

Teacher appear! You god damned liar
Twenty years late to stoke this fire
Back when I was ready, eager, confident
Guess there were communication
breakdowns and you didn’t get sent
While the student is ready
the machine plods onward
the truth cleaves sinew and
marrow like a longsword
plenty of teachers
few of them care
to try to push more than a couple feet
into this thousand yard stare
do I blame the teachers then?
I surely don’t
You can pin everything on God
but I do not believe so I won’t
I’ll keep waiting like a fool
for you to appear
and even try to act excited
when you finally get here


what

2.1605 : 9/24/09 : Groan

Sometimes there’s nothing but to
hold your nose and groan over it
It’s shameful but there’s sure no point
in throwing a fit
I’m no less trapped
but my house is cleaner
no I had better get unplugged
before it makes me any meaner
when the gap is shut
and the ten year calendar is caught up
when the money’s flush
and the armageddon rations bought up
will I still be facing
this idiot pundit class
well I guess we’ll give those dolts
something new to harass


what

2.1604 : 9/23/09 : Numbers Racket

Should I be playing in a
numbers racket
running a numbers racket
odds are odd and
I couldn’t hack it
Guess I’ll stick to
seeking wages
messing up and
filling pages
till I tip the
rock of ages
see what’s crawling
underneath
run tongue over my
wearing teeth
and lay down this
mourning wreath
No more numbers
rackets no quick fix
and all the chaos
it inflicts
the other path is slow and dull
I just hope I’ve got a few more tricks


what

2.1603 : 9/22/09 : New Home

My big idea for a new home
for the words and these
silly little songs
turned out to cost too much
it really wasn’t all that big
just the first thing that occurred
since the last rug you yanked out
not to say that anything there was assured
I read a friend get way too intimate
talking about their fucked up life
maybe seven years you’ll read this friend
and it won’t mean a thing and that’s history’s knife
It’s not easy to find a new home
so we try real hard to make it work
but inertia is a wicked mistress
and these habits surely make me look the jerk
well I’m mostly not looking for a new home
just like to pick up better habits
it’s getting cold and I’m tired and it feels like
time to go to ground just like rabbits

what

2.1602 : 9/21/09 : Devil On the Mat

Predictable consequences
what to make of that
you’ll have to play the tough guy
if you want to wear the hat
how the hell hard does it have to be
to get a little change up in my habitat
hey a little here, hey a little there
is this ever going to get the devil on the mat
Far from happy with the
gross wages of plain excess
I can fake perfection for a while
but I can’t always sustain fancy dress
and it’s perfectly pitiful
to end up in the same old mess
but you can only lead yourself so far
under self-imposed duress
I’m all hung up on hope
but I’ve got to beat the clock
It’s so hard to believe these days
that anything’s going to rock
So hard to really argue
that I’m anything but talk
but I grasp for optimism
and still retain the hope to shock


what

Friday, October 30, 2015

Hiatus prolonged

So the writing of these things doesn't end here, indeed it continues to this day.  The recording of them here... will continue here, soonish, maybe? Life has changed and I haven't found the fit of this thing, and it has remained fairly secret and no one reads it, much, anyway.  Maybe more of an explanation, later.  In the meantime feel free to listen to this, for however long it takes.

what

Friday, September 25, 2015

2.1601 : 9/20/09 : Run to Delight

refuse the endless night
run run run
run to delight
make no plans
no intentions none
Though the night seems deserted
I am not the only one
may I end here
oh just for one day
I’ve never wrote so much
feeling I’ve got nothing to say
to hold up the bargain
I must at times repeat
myself till I feel empty
while the puzzle’s
still so incomplete


2.1600 : 9/19/09 : Eleven

Turn it up to eleven
comedy cliché
I hit it every hour
I hit it every day
I’ll never explain myself
just hope that it gets better
refine it to a paragraph
and send it in a letter
complete one sentence
and roll on to another
think about my father
think about my mother
A line must just be drawn
somewhere this side of heaven
consider it a matter
of dialing up eleven


what

2.1599 : 9/18/09 : Limitations

What’s the statutes of limitations
on silly young man’s
unrealistic expectations
It could be worse oh Lord
I know it so well
too old to get so dramatic
to claim that this is hell
too old to expect
some sort of clean break
young enough to want to
deny it’s just a damn mistake
travel through the stages
breathe all the stations
while away an hour
contemplating limitations


what

2.1598 : 9/17/09 : Verse

The metaverse, the negaverse
the vicaverse, the versaverse
oh is it miracle or curse
so many ways that I could not exist
and could I really call them worse
Oh that I could be forgotten in an instant

like the snuffing of a small flame
or the crushing of an ant
nobody mention in the room
there is an elephant
and the other verses linger in the mist
and who’s to say what can and can’t

what

2.1597 : 9/16/09 : First or Second

First or second
don’t even know
maybe luck but
so far I’m
making it so
to all the sorry strugglers
trying to sweat the first or second
seeing visions of the sweet vice
that in the distance beckoned
I guess I remember
and it all is tucked away
to examine if I need to
a game I alone can play
I guess it’s better than
What came before but I’m not thrilled
a demon is dispatched
but yet the Beast remains unkilled

what

2.1596 : 9/15/09 : Death of Ritual

By the pain in these hands
by the scratch in this throat
never again that midnight road
never again this leaking boat
by a day unmarked mislabeled
misremembered meaning nothing
by a piss poor rhyme or reason
propped up shaky by one thing
I seize and execute this
I effect the death of ritual
once more a rutted bloody track
in a promise of success pure virtual


what

Monday, September 14, 2015

2.1595 : 9/14/09 : Another Five Minutes

3,785 : 9 ?



Another five minutes
time to wash a dish
wedge in some creative drool
pick up a tiny plastic fish
Figure I should be doing
more serious work
but the serious work
is such a bore
I guess this all beats
finding out what
another five minutes
is really for


what

2.1594 : 9/13/09 : Please No More

Please no more
must it be put on display
Lord knows it’s gotten
written down enough
day after day after day
the opposite of special
beyond mundane
oh yes the tired is real
and sure the pain
but everyone’s in pain here
everyone’s bored
you’d think you could
have spotted
this, one coming Lord

what

2.1593 : 9/12/09 : Wanton

Wanton wanting after wealth
attempt the needle’s eye by stealth
won’t I look stupid lodged in there
and not even rich, double despair
scarcely know what I’m really pining
for, maybe any silver lining
riches false metaphor for some false prize
maybe just covet what’s before our eyes
getting see-through fading out
tired as hell without a doubt
if I give in now though
I’ll wreck the night
odds are I will anyway
what a fool’s plight

what

Friday, September 11, 2015

2.1592 : 9/11/09 : Column

Watch the liquid mount the column
shining golden fire
waiting for the fractionate
to trip the sensor wire
decant the essence of the
decoction of the 7 vital airs
daydreaming carrying the
filled vial up the stairs
toss it back in one draft master
everything according to the plan
chasing your obscure disaster
becoming more and less than a man
when they write the story of it
I’m sure they’ll leave out my name
but despite being lost to history
I was in it just the same


what

2.1591 : 9/10/09 : Yours In Struggle

Struggle with the feelings
of inadequacy
struggle with sleep
hey I’m not fussy
How am I going to get around
to the manifesto
Yours in struggle,
Comrade don Ernesto
I was het up about equality
While you were in diapers
call me in 20 years
when you’re paying all the pipers
I don’t see much changing
and no it isn’t fine
but I’ve got bigger fish to fry and
it’s your struggle now not mine

what

2.1590 : 9/9/09 : Slapdash

Slapdash just laying
paint down anywhere
no master it’s a mess
it’s in my teeth and hair
every stolen moment’s
Shouting at me from the bleachers
I’ve got no mentors no
And I’ve got no more teachers
maybe it’s all a confidence game
modern art a modern myth
maybe culture’s best produced
and packaged in some monolith
if so I hope they’ll overlook
my sorry little enterprise
as I refuse to stop and if
they don’t like it well damn their eyes

what

2.1589 : 9/8/09 : Worm Turn

After long hiatus
the stomach worm returns
nothing I’m not used to
though it vexes and burns
and it takes me back to old haunts
and memories long archived
I’ve known it since I was a child
and what the hell, I survived
still in the grips of madness
I recognize its hue
and the worm must be a gift of God
a spike to push the message through
but though my eyes are leaking
and the pain’s from tip to toe
there’s a little crazy left yet to extract
so on and on and on I go

what

2.1588 : 9/7/09 : Alternative

Alternative to finishing the race
consider falling flat on my face
or sketching out the barest bones
procedures whispered into telephones
Alternative to going crazy the same old way
wake up get up and deal live for today
I can’t help it if the oldies hit me just right
it was in my mind a moment but faded from sight
If this isn’t the answer then what is
I would give you speculation hit or miss
or wrap it up check the clock and give
one last fleeting nod to the alternative

what

2.1587 : 9/6/09 : Open, Shut

An open and shut case
it all adds up to very little
we’re struggling beneath the law
yes every jot and dittle

what

2.1586 : 9/5/09 : Marathon

Too dull to even
record the session
round it down to
a thousand is three
I might have sixty left
there’s no knowing
call it twenty thousand then
for all the good it does me
three hundred twenty thousand then
with eyes open anyway
sounds like a hell of a marathon
see what I can get done
down in fifteen minutes
imagine if it just went
on and on
drops in the bucket
fill up the bucket
One point two million
eighty thousand and naught
sounds like plenty
too bad it’s just an estimate
who knows what I’ve really go

what

2.1585 : 9/4/09 : Fake It

Fighting a feeling like I
really might not make it
every other day it seems
like I just can’t fake it
got through yesterday
but what about tonight?
and always another one
so many chances to not get it right
I think I sang a song about the
lost thread already
So tired so faded
yet my hand is still steady
So I guess I keep it up
today and still fake it
I hoped for more for sure
but hell I’ll sure take it

what

2.1584 : 9/3/09 : Rapid

Is it just the name
then
would anyone
notice otherwise
rapid deployment
of vague enjoyment
dark dazzle
of the mocker
flashes off my eyes
would it be best to sleep
try to catch it up
another day like yesterday
no thanks, please
just take back the cup

what