2.2249 : 06/30/11 : Oh What

I can't seem to think
through anything right now
and I'm so tired of feeling sad
and wondering
what should I do now
Oh what should I do now?

what

2.2248 : 06/29/11 : Install & Restart

Install and restart
if only it were so easy
feel it's more like I'm
starting over every day
and nothing means nothing
around here
but to find the cheaper way
a little better and a little better
but not near good enough
and that was all that got written
for the restart, off the cuff

what

2.2247 : 06/28/11 : Nothing and Nothing

I said nothing changes nothing
and well nobody protested
and it made me want to tear things up
but I just gave up instead, rested
here we all go again
and here we go again
nothing and nothing
hurl another to the bin
has it been three days now
maybe just two
how will I know when
that question comes from you
I want to get off the topic
be interesting instead
get away from all the nothing
where that last gasp fell and bled

what

2.2246 : 06/27/11 : Wall

Maybe there's a story
in this thing after all
if I can just ignore the horror
and the unscalable wall
If I can just stop looking
at you hideous monstrosities
sorry for the derail
too many nightmares made of these
feel I must look away
but who is forced to look then
pray for a better world someday
but I wouldn't bet when
the wrong direction
I was shooting for optimistic
maybe tomorrow
I'll try again, make it stick

what

2.2245 : 06/26/11 : Topics

The topics that occur
are so dumb and dull
and god how oblivion
exerts its pull
not the big sleep baby
no not the great divide
just the crossing of the river
and the rest I shall elide

what

2.2244 : 06/25/11 : Fed Up

Being fed up
and for long days now
battered on the sirens' rocks
lashed to the prow
invoke again again
my right to call it a day
be sung, straining against the ropes
to sleep while sweet songs play

what

2.2243 : 06/24/11 : Surreptitious

More surreptitious wandering
in the dark night
more circular delusion
more false delight
whatever it might be
I haven't got it
however rusted the bolt
Still I shot it
no way at all out
except for through
trying to hold my dull brain
steady on the true
no plan to mend
no ally to assist
no idea at all
really how to resist

what

2.2242 : 06/23/11 : Song I Dreamed

The song I dreamed I wrote
but did not
these dreams lately have turned my head
I kid you not
but wake to the same day
the same hill to fail
came tumbling back without
water or even pail
it's not a nursery rhyme
and I am no good mother
I'd look on these spent days
with scorn for any other
and no exceptions here
I've got no plea to cop
but to stay awake or dreaming
yet I still don't stop

what

2.2241 : 06/22/11 : Forever

So this one lasts
forever?
better not to think
about it
better to blow it off
let drift
throw it all over for a day

what

2.2240 : 06/21/11 : Solstice

No more hours of sunlight in any day
I should have got more done that much I can say
what can I hope for an hour more
wrap this up and hope there's more in store
dreaming of distant rain and thunder
the thousand thousand things that make me wonder
hope I forget it soon and get well lost
in a dream that carries me
all the way back to the frost

what

2.2239 : 06/20/11 : Carte

That whistle far off
means soon departing
you can bring whatever
you can fit on this carte-thing
the false scarcity
of ideas
versus the silly notion
that the truth will free us
I've got no reason
to be confident
I'd be hard put
to say that I was sent
I must demure
if asked was there a call
they handed me this blank card
that was all
and not too many
days have past I have not scribbled
some days they roared in torrents
some days they dribbled
and sure plenty
seems so dumb I cringed
but the card seems to keep me
this side of unhinged
and however much I put down
on this crazy ride
believe it or not
there's another side

what

2.2238 : 06/19/11 : Review

There's no escaping the review
five years between me and that
particularly you
a daily dose
a lot of failure and doubt
sometimes a tough little shout
God willing I will see
this all again
hoping like crazy
I'll have nailed some of it
down by then
and maybe just maybe
stirred up a little tastier stew
on the boil years long
awaiting my review

what

2.2237 : 06/18/11 : A Fire

So how would I light a fire
if I would, if I could
So how would I inspire
I guess I really
know that I should
would it be so hard
to choose the simple and the sweet
I'm not so big I'm not so deep
I don't know how to complete
I guess I'd like to try
to light a fire to light a fire
to grind it low no longer
to electrify the wire

what

2.2236 : 06/17/11 : Clean

Slate probably won't come clean
overwritten too much
this probably won't be the end of it
because it seems I lost my touch
Imagine a clean start
for everyone all sins erased
we'd probably screw it up in three days
because we cannot shake the taste
I can't work out the sum
it's lost in all the ghost marks
why am I even trying to
nothing I do strikes sparks
and yet I'll try again
find some ground to gain between
the saying and another dark night
try so hard to keep my hands clean

what

2.2235 : 06/16/11 : Complain

All I want to do is
smoke and complain
How many damn years?
what a fucked up brain
how much more time
on the couch to fix it
waiting for the stroke,
the attack to mix it
I know I know I know
it's so tedious
such a such a whiner
so so needious
not like some murdered kid
in Syria
how dare I complain
in my numb deleria
Sorry sorry sorry
I'll get better soon
If I can't sing something nice
I'll whisper to the moon
You couldn't bring it to me
but I caught it in the water
and threw it 'cross the wooden floor
and dropped it dosed on blotter

what

2.2234 : 06/15/11 : Little Bow

I wished I had a banjo
and a banjo player
I wished I had a guitar
I could shred like Slayer
my guitar is in pieces
and my banjo's gone
and I've got no player
but myself to rely upon
yeah like it matters
I'm not playing nothing
I'm just a fantasist
daydreaming on the wing
I wished a lot of things
but what came true
another day another
little bow to you

what

2.2233 : 06/14/11 : Fun While It Lasted

Was it fun while it lasted
did we all get blasted
was it a vacation
Or just one incarnation
of the labor I took up
when my plans got shook up
and scattered 'cross the table
Or was it all a fable
I won't write the same one
the one where I name one
with grand talk and bluster
doomed to be a Custer
I'll say it was fun, sure
and own that I'm unsure
at what parts will last
at what's almost past

what

2.2232 : 06/13/11 : Alternative Universe

Alternative universe
only works in the abstract
the minute it phased into focus
I wold be taking it back
Sometimes it feels like
I've always known it all
Sometimes I feel like
I'm waiting for the alternative universe to call

what

2.2231 : 06/12/11 : Confirmation Bias

Based on the yardstick
of experience's test
If I don't call this one
I think it might be best
If confirmation bias
is behind my reticence
I guess I am still hoping
to beat the odds of experience
I've made a lot
of dumb mistakes on the way
blame no one but myself
at the end of every day
please touch a finger in
and prove my bias wrong
forgotten unremembered
lost in some old cryptic song

what

2.2230 : 06/11/11 : DMZ

Advice that was got for free
never want to live
in the DMZ
How so many could
get stuck in that
makes me scratch my head
and tip my hat

what

2.2229 : 06/10/11 : What, Who

What, who where
to listen to
I don't exactly want
to be like you
but there's a shine
on you
I wish was mine
it's true
what's to be done
and who's the real one
Don't care what
the story is exactly
maybe that's
the huntsman
that has tracked me
and the final arrow
in my heart
the only clue I missed
was not to start
but what could
you call all this
and who do
you think you are
to greet me with a kiss
I know I'm
no one to be dragged away
who would bother
what would be
the point anyway

what

2.2228 : 06/09/11 : Control

How things roll
not slightly in control
and envying another's
set of circumstances
well that's just the way
to miss your own chances
however bad or good
always try to optimize
always hoping for a nice surprise
whether I write it down
or let it pass me by
or just think inside my head
tomorrow once again I'll try
to do what I should

what

2.2227 : 06/08/11 : Pauses

These pauses I can
no longer afford
pretend I'm only
searching for a word
I know them all
but I can't seem to get them to work
Perhaps a dilettante
but I'm no young turk
Even in this weakness
there's no real reprieve
Oh I've got it real good
depending on who you believe
I'm afraid my pauses
aren't covering
the listing buckling structure
that's been hovering
on the brink of total
unseemly collapse
sometimes I think I prop it all
up with my one good synapse

what

2.2226 : 06/07/11 : Delicious

Try to see a word delicious
see past all the selfish, vicious
try to be an optimist
while dodging the cast iron fist
since death is always all around
how many billions in the ground
and in the sea or on the air
why suffer, they no longer care
why suffer why not shut my eyes
pretend it's all benign surprise
that drifts in on all kindly wings
suffused with all delicious things

what

2.2225 : 06/06/11 : New Worm

What's this new worm that
has turned on me
like I don't have enough
to deal with already
life comes too well-supplied
with random pain
and nothing to learn from it
nothing to gain
I want to lie down
and admit defeat
let the tanks roll over me
you know we all get beat
these days I can't even
take comfort in the thought of giving up
too much on my shoulders
so sorry: I refuse this cup

what

2.2224 : 06/05/11 : Succeeded

Have I succeeded then
one more night
the letter of the law
no dreams of flight
no revelation
no brand new day
just what have I succeeded
at anyway

what

2.2223 : 06/04/11 : Voyage

Never been
on a boat with sails
really every other
disappointment pales
dream of the voyage
dream of tales
the scientists, the island
the whales

what

2.2222 : 06/03/11 : Complain

I see the same old thing
I see myself
about to complain
not bent enough
to be a real artist
resist the urge
to give my soul a hard twist
because I don't deserve
to really complain
even if the outcome
is real pain

what

2.2221 : 06/02/11 : Noir

Nothing that worked
works any more
the mind that forgot
the soft strains of noir
the stroke of the hour
both hands straight up
to imagine your invisible
hand tip the cup
maybe a new thing
I've not named yet
that I know no name for
or indeed how to get

what

2.2220 : 06/01/11 : How Many More

One step two steps
how many more
how many steps will it take
until I see a door
and if no door is coming
do I just keep stepping
and must I still hold up
this crazy stack I'm schlepping
I find it hard
to bring myself to believe
in anything much past what is
and I'm loathe to wear my heart on my sleeve
but as time keeps on
grinding on like a machine
I'll file away one more today
if you see what I mean

what