off the bridge

Hmm, the end of volume 2.4 sort of snuck up on me there.  Volume 2.5: The Creative, starts today.

what

2.670 : 3/4/07 : Bridge to Nowhere

Musta drove about a thousand miles
and seen a thousand turnings
And as I came up on my goal
the question was still burning
over the crest of the hill
a thousand miles from the mainland
I saw its shining shining spans
and clenched the key in my hand
I’d sworn while I was mired in muck
no matter what I’d go there
and now it stretches out before me
behold the bridge to nowhere
and feeling mighty in my veins
The die and how I tossed it
I climbed behind the wheel again
and with a clear mind crossed it

what

2.669 : 3/3/07 : Maybe Real

Maybe real answers don’t come in words
Maybe evil exists merely to thin the herds
Maybe truly nobody is minding the store
I had a thousand answers I still wanted more
I’m stuck with my experience for what it’s worth
Whether I’m rooted to the spot or roam the earth
God said to the devil where you been at cat
Said up and down and back and forth how about that
nobody asks to be made an example
by nature’s light you’re just another sample
thrown into the cauldron of idiot chance
never a dull moment now dance boy dance
Maybe words aren’t much but it’s what I’ve got
Such a short stick to stir the melting pot
Maybe it’s time to just let it all go
wash out with the tides
let the words sink below

 what

2.668 : 3/2/07 : Time Tunnel

My banality makes me scream
so perfectly revealed
in the lucid dream
slouching after
easy sex or smoke
if this is volition
then free will is a joke
I dreamed we hit the time tunnel
old friend
didn’t accomplish much
but we came out
okay in the end
I guess I’m glad
we didn’t break our vow
dreaming awake, past or future
every moment is now
and were you there
a little bit somehow in spirit?
When I asked the question did you
hear it?
The time tunnel yawns then closes
I can only shake my head
at my deficiencies it exposes

what

2.667 : 3/1/07 : Change is Impossible

Change is impossible
because the universe is full
I feel it in my gravity
I feel it in the planet’s pull
I push eventuality
it coils round like a snake
it curves and coils right back at me
work equals zero for the trouble I take
spin equals zero
universe made of energy, not a drop
available to dig us out of this hole
wait for the collapse, the crunch
the pop
 
what

2.666 : 2/28/07 : Script

I’m writing the screenplay
I’m writing the script
I can’t be bothered with the details
I assume that sail
has shipped
you know I’m a scenarist
you know I’m a hack
I may not amount to
anything
but baby I’ve got your back
we all get one story
where we are the star
And the truth of that one
is wherever you go
baby there you are
I can’t write your story
And believe me that’s fine
all I can do is hope
you’ll take the leading role
in mine

what

2.665 : 2/27/07 : Anger and Frustration

radiating from the hind brain
trickling down the spine
anger and frustration pulses
flows downstream the darkest wine
reasons seem all disconnected
all discussion crosstalk
another hour finds my trying to
work it out on the sidewalk
What’s the source of this dark current
what’s its battery
I brood over my small companion
the sincerest form of flattery
surely as I learned it at home
surely as its in my blood
I will see it grow inside him
I can’t nip it in the bud
answers may be in the sutra
answers may be in the book
whatever it may be I doubt
it will let me off the hook

what

2.664 : 2/26/07 : Lack of Slack

Lack of slack in
the life account
desperate in need of time
in any amount
the irony that
fails to amuse
If I had buckets of cash
I’d still have no time to lose
every little thing
gets shoved in sideways
and never any slack
for all my snide plays
but as the sad refrain
of an old song starts
I remember my convictions
in my heart of hearts

what

2.663 : 2/25/07 : Get Organized

2,854 : 5 ?



Get organized for the march
Against the rise of the beast
For the season of transformation
For the wedding feast
Today is eternal, eternally passing
Prepared for the mourning
prepared for the fasting
Got organized for the fight
to turn every stone on its back
add another element
another platter on the stack
Rock the tides to sleep
Rush into the seabound caves
Finding every gem of price
the morning star and what he saves

what

2.662 : 2/24/07 : Briefly

Briefly let me tell you
it feels good to be done
and if it drifts into recursion
hell I’m not the only one
to succumb
There’s still so many questions
what it’s good for,
chiefly
but I’ve no fear of mystery
So I’ll leave it there,
briefly

what

661 : 2/23/07 : More Light

After the flood, after the thrill is gone
after I got down on my knees for you
all night long
After all that we been through after a hard day’s night
all I’ve got left to ask for
is please more light
More light - more, more light
More light - more light, more light, more light
Now that you’ve caught me and put me in my place
At least have the decency
to lie to my face
After 33 years obsessed with being right
I was blinded by the question
oh how I need more light
More light - more, more light
More light - more light, more light, more light
I’ve said it in reverence, I’ve said it in fear
And over and over
convinced no one would hear
After endless explanations
in the elemental night
I turned and turned as I burned for more light
More light - more, more light
More light - more light, more light, more light

what

2.660 : 2/22/07 : Defeat

Defeat and collapse
hear that little sound
it snaps
like a bone
of a bird
in the hand
makes no sound
and
no sympathy inspires
but simply expires

what

2.659 : 2/21/07 : The Consequence

Little as I want to follow through
Little as I’ve got to say in my defense
Much as I would like to forget all I’ve forgotten
nevertheless there is the consequence
Determined as I was to see the matter clear
I set a course that seemed direct
the date was right the symbolism potent
I had a plan and everything was perfect
But now the consequence is all that I recall
all that matters, all predictions futile
And I’ll get over it in just a day or two
as long as I as I can still make you smile

what

2.658 : 2/20/07 : Powerful Impact

Powerful impact
unh! it’s tragic
such an example
of mere human magic
too many inputs
Gasp! I succumb
don’t get me wrong
I’m truly dumb
It’s such a funny
tragic world
all the snark
and invective I hurled
I just keep plugging
plugging plugging
the songs I write
The cliché I’m mugging
the bells I hear indicate a pause
guess I’m about to
invoke my escape clause

what

2.657: 2/19/07 : It’s Harder than You Think

Let go of the past
let ghosts go past
it’s harder than you think
drop perfection’s mask
address the task
could be the missing link
I’m so disappointed in us
no good thing’s anointed in us
we’re not chosen and we’ll vanish in a blink
Guess I’ll dance while Rome burns baby
Wait for my moment who knows maybe
We'll sneak some pieces through
It’s harder than you think

what

2.656 : 2/18/07 : The Spot

The gun has long been loaded
by physics and cosmology
the slate erasing world defacing
God’s own chunk of space debris
What has been will be once more
hell it might be what man is for
we might beat if we could just get organized
we could beat anything but we’re paralyzed
we see our little scraps as the center of it all
we think we’re making history, we’re just a pin in the wall
destined to be lost among the future’s dull addenda
unenlightened rejects with a fool’s agenda
maybe nothing will change, well nothing really has
are we really any better now
despite great wars and all that jazz
And we’ll stumble on our random walk
While our bullet slots the chamber
and our mark gets chalked
and the change will come the same
expected or not
locked and loaded while we slept
X marks the spot

what

2.655 : 2/17/07 : Triple Threat

Ignorance anger and apathy
the triple threat of humanity
I’m so naive I still think
A spiritual solution
could draw us back from the brink
I don’t know, I don’t care and fuck you too
I’ve got mine Jack who the hell are you
Selfishness jealousy and madness add flavor
and insurance that we’re gonna
get just what we pay for
I don’t believe we’re drawing down the final wages
I don’t believe we’ve seen the last of dark ages
The wages of sin are to repeat it all again again
Look around what do you think is happening
I read too many science fiction books
I’m hung up on these futuristic hooks
the details are a dream but the threats seem real
I’m ashamed to admit the idea has some appeal

what

2.654 : 2/16/07 : Chaos Trumps Order

Why doesn’t it seem to be
the same return
so long, so long
from light to dark and
if darkness is just an
absence why is it so strong
It’s all too easy
to see why
chaos trumps order
Why blood is always in the water
violence always at the border
I reach down all the way
to find the light
the light inside
having swallowed
the injunction
its the one thing I must not hide

what

2.653 : 2/15/07 : Now Silence

Music should come first
to drench the thirst
a thousand words won’t
paint a picture of a soul
now silence descends
and truth well it depends
I knew the last line
was never the song’s goal
what if what if
they all just sound the same?
what if I’m truly not
cut out for this game?
I only promised you
three decades Jack
forgot to mention
it’s a sneak attack
I slice through every cord
grown careless dull and bored
Now silence seems like all it left me
I keep my mouth shut round
all doubt or judging sound
So leaving now silent bereft me

what

2.652 : 2/14/07 : Eccentric

The eccentric stutter
in the orbit oh so subtle
the captain simply won’t believe
how badly it will scuttle
every inkling of the mission
the obsession the white whale
like so many before who missed
the forest for their holy grail
the worm that turned inside
eccentric in its winding
and homespun truth in homely garb
is surely what I’m finding
I didn’t set out to be eccentric
though you’ll disbelieve
and to this day I’m shocked
by this dire cup I chose to receive
and though my knees both buckled
at the slightest draught
nevertheless I stand there still
propped up by my eccentric craft

what

2.651 : 2/13/07 : Holy War

The world is drowning in advertisements
product media and schemes
I’m gasping in a shattering shortage
of splendor paradox and dreams
Scriptures suffused with bonus features
commentaries and directors cuts
the yahoos clamor for holy war
unrated action blood and guts
little ants toil day and night
piling up their drifts of sand
winding paths through every hill
at every turn a promised land
between the smallest of the small
all but bound to persist
and our almost absurd largesse
that threatens all things that exist
The holy war is raging stark
no treaty or control
and every pawn awaits its turn
and every bell will one day toll



what

2.650 : 2/12/07 : Transform

Must must transform
must shift must change
replace renew and rearrange
supplant the old
transcend the new
only ever
keep what’s true
where’s the evidence of ending
any final message sending
there’s no sign
of a conclusion
every rule
breeds in exclusion
transform today
from endless night
transform each darkling
clue to light
regardless if you
stand or flee
there will remain
a mystery


what

2.649 : 2/11/07 : Defiance

Despite everything I know to be
In the face of outcomes inevitable
In defiance of sense both sixth and common
I strike a pose that may ring a bell
I know I won’t ever get out of here alive
I know I’m doomed to constant striving
but every moment I’m offered one small choice
to pick between true life and merely surviving

what

2.648 : 2/10/07 : Evil Exists

The saddest things in the world
are happening every day
are happening every day
No matter what beliefs
that I profess that’s not okay
theodicy apology
No I don’t bother with those games
But still it seems evil exists
goes by a thousand thousand names
testify the wind says to me
until dead bones rise
testify until they live again
and all ascend into the skies
the saddest thing that ever was
it comes again over and over
falling fiery from the sky
sunk in fields of bloody clover
In the trenches something born
antagonist to turn our page
a modern face of an old foe
laughing triumphant through this age

what

2.647 : 2/9/07 : Something Called Life

Something must be torn apart
for building to occur
what happens at infinity or
zero I’m not sure
I don’t live at the furthest ends
I’m firmly in the middle
to let my understanding stop there
really is the hardest riddle
somewhere between faith and breath
something called life happens
outside fame, society
and all ephemeral trappings
deep inside the sentient body
static as a standing wave
every word and deed and thought
all I took and all I gave
one day it will all pass on
leaving who knows what
baseless and irrational
I feel it in my gut
that nothing true is ever lost
no matter how it manifests
something called life persists, persists
someone collects the tests

what

2.646 : 2/8/07 : Same Old

Same old thing
again again
perhaps it’s all stuck
in a loop
that stutters like a rolling hat
and what else is there left
to say about that?

what

2.645 : 2/7/07 : Gin 2.0

A stink of juniper and rage
a far past age a far past age
And I will not explain to you
the chorus or refrain to you
I can’t decode my brain for you
Not even if I wanted to
Destruction is so close at hand
For everyman in every land
High explosives bullets gin
A train or bus waits for your walk in
There is that refrain again
And me tight lipped no explanation
gin one gin two point oh nine five
an old story not my story lucky he’s alive
merely riffs on self destruction
neither moral nor instruction
intuition nor deduction
cheap device of deconstruction



what

2.644 : 2/6/07 : Only Civilization

If we ran out of energy
the earth wouldn’t care
Blew it all back to the stone age
nature wouldn’t care
If we succumb, decline decline
God won’t care
what will be will be something
will still be there
Only civilization cares
Only civilization cares
The universe is a big blank stare
Only civilization cares
if America holds on
another hundred years
And Coke taught the world to sing
I couldn’t believe my ears
if we survive the apotheosis
of our fears
None of it will mean a damn thing
in a thousand years
Only civilization cares
Only civilization cares
Only civilization cares

what

2.643 : 2/5/07 : Heat

Maybe it will just get
hotter hotter
melt the ice
and boil the water
maybe the seas will rise
and rise
consume our works
watch as
the information age dies
what will rise
with the tides
to replace
this hopeful
wasteful careless race
something on stilts
on hills on boats
guess we might really
finally
find out just what floats

what

2.642 : 2/4/07 : Atom Bomb

2,834 : 8 ?



The bang won’t be the final end
the shock around the world will send
the perfect place the perfect time
when will it come the next war crime
I’d like to believe we’d hold out longer
today’s resolve seems weaker not stronger
to bust a bunker or promote jihad
somehow I’m sure we’ll scapegoat God
I gotta be hopeful for two these days
I got not time left to whine and laze
despite what seems all too possible
the atom bomb and things just as terrible
if I could speak to each and every one
nothing in my hand no cross no gun
only to whisper my useless song
can’t we all just get along
wonder how the future twists and bends
wonder how civilization ends
the fall of Rome took 300 years
we’re 30, 40 in on ours so it appears

what

2.641 : 2/3/07 : Reversible

Then the final wave
renders all things reversible
an impulse to send
final end to this recursive hell
a protracted rush
backwards and to the first event
do it all again
chaos light and the firmament
tears to laughter
life from death
the secret truth
precedes the shibboleth
always younger
final curtain
then rehearsing
life into an act of joy
dispersing
 
what

2.640 : 2/2/07 : Maybe Entropy

Maybe entropy
is a natural resource
when our backs are
up against that wall
and there’s no recourse
we’ll discover nothing really
ever worked without it
all those wasted eons
trying to so something about it
what’s the use of winding up
a spring if not to wind down
potential is a tragedy
if you never return to ground
maybe entropy is just
another word for change
the opposite a
final fullness
you can never rearrange


what

dies irae

what

revelations per millennium

The next, oh, 23 songs (today's entry, Dust, through the entry for 2/23/07) were written for the 2007 RPM Challenge and eventually "published" in an album titled solvet saeclum in favilla, which was (predictably given the title) concerned with eschatology.

I recorded the album by attempting to sing live over tracks generated algorithmically by the software Voice of the GoatCactus.  I have described the album as "unlistenable" (and as a person who owns Lou Reed's Metal Machine Music on vinyl I know from unlistenable), though after subjecting myself to it several more times I revised this assessment to "almost unlistenable" (file under "mostly harmless").

But you don't have to take my word for it... if you have 46 minutes to kill and a tendency to boast of your aural endurance, by all means take a listen yourself.  I actually like these lyrics a lot, and even the seeds of some of the music I attempt to twist into these weirdly formal and dissonant computer compositions.  Someday, I say to myself, maybe I will find them music they merit.

But probably I won't.

I'm pretty certain I'm done with the RPM Challenge now.  Although the site says I only did one year, I actually turned in The Bootstrap Gospel in 2009 but apparently jumped through some hoop wrong because they never registered it - my effort in 2010, Trial By Ordeal, I never bothered submitting and has never been listened to by anyone.  I have as yet not personally succeeded in disproving the assertion that that one is in fact unlistenable, maybe I'll take another stab at it this month.  As far as the challenge goes, I'm the last person to dis enforced productivity but if I ever try to make another album, I am going to try to make the best one I can, however long it takes.

Anyway. Enjoy your eternal now.

what

2.639 : 2/1/07 : Dust

The world shall be dissolved in dust
all things will end as all things must
and when all that is has been shaken
past each bend and turn we've taken
when human works are long forgotten
good and bad sublime and rotten
high and low pure and corrupted
last act of social intercourse interrupted
old stories hint we might still draw breath
maybe even live to fight the heat death
for me I'll say I'm not convinced
you must admit that I've got evidence
that you couldn't call this race farsighted
and mostly what's wrong all gets left unrighted
so while we sway with winds of wrath and lust
likely we'll precede the world becoming dust

what

2.638 : 1/31/07 : Turning Point

If you keep thinking about it it will never come
who the hell came up with something so mean and dumb
who knew so many more would feel time out of joint
who knew we’d all end up at the turning point
The problems of this world are simply one, two, three
short sightedness and selfishness and entropy
Energy can solve the last one for a while
Ingenuity might yet bridge that last mile
But of human failing what is to be done
Can’t satisfy myself, I’m not the only one
So I pray with the rest the turning point is near
So I pray with the rest to not so much fear fear
looks like we’ve muddled through a thousand centuries
Given the last one that thought does not appease
Given global warming and the nuclear deterrent
we need a far far better way to swim against this current
And if we do not find it then I think we sink
This society will vanish in an eyeblink
The turning point a memory a false surmise
Can anyone pretend it would be a surprise
Still long as I’m alive and optimism’s free
I’ll just keep searching
for some pivot
where I can turn free

what

2.637 : 1/30/07: Light

We’ve had it out about a million
times before
here’s a mirror baby here’s
a window here’s a door
the world seems bound to be
divided along these lines
Still I gotta wonder what
you see if not these signs
call me an apostate
I won’t kill or die for it
I think we’ve had about
enough of that sorry shit
but spare me your condescension
I’m no kid
Still I gotta wonder if God
didn’t say let there be light
Who did?

what

2.636 : 1/29/07 : Labor

The principle of labor
is not lost on me
At heart I know it’s not
what keeps me from feeling free
it’s always just the going
the starting each day
it’s just a constant quiet wish
it could just go away
I said this was my year
my shining jubilee
for getting out from under
for sighting out my apogee
I know for all of it
labor is the only coin
No dream or idea good enough
no club for me to join
but wouldn’t it be pretty
if it wasn’t ever so
I’m desperate for an angle
that suggests the answer’s no

what

2.635 : 1/28/07 : Respite

2,827 : 1 ?



I thank God for respites
Small favors indeed
I give thanks and try
not to give into greed
eternal vacation
the lottery dream
so tired of these fancies
I think I could scream
I had some slight notion
I can’t now remember
That went off the rails
Some long past lost December
Whatever that was now
it’s long dead and gone
and finally and finally
it gets its small song

what

2.634 : 1/27/07 : Witching

Witching the weird
of zero hour
zero minus thirty
possessed of God power
was I really ever
enticed like this?
power and excess and
everything ludicrous
I might have mentioned
I’ve been witching water
trying to put a spell
on the farmer’s daughter
they all told me
it could not be done
I told them all
I am the chosen one
Don’t interfere in
the season of the witch
Watch me you will
never see me make the switch

what

2.633 : 1/26/07 : 24 hrs A Day

From the first to the last to the
least little bit
You know I always care I always
give a shit
24 hours a day
24 hours a day
I lit it up like a christmas tree
setting a house fire
26, 27, 28 days
on the wire
mainline uplink
download groupthink
24 hours a day
24 hours a day
I light it up all night
I write it all down
all right
believe me when I tell you
I’ve not yet begun to fight
24 hours a day
24 hours a day

what

2.632 : 1/25/07 : Powerslide

I said that I’m controlling it
It’s just a powerslide
to propel me to the next slope
hell yeah I’ll take the ride
I’m not going backwards
not making the same mistakes
and if that proves to be a steaming load
I guess that thems the breaks
we all try to live between
being stuck and sliding heedless
if God had made us better
this charade would all be needless
no more self help gurus
no more ministers for hire
someone called it monstrous
It’s just more fuel for the fire

what

2.631 : 1/24/07 : Proof

Proof of concept, proof of life
One hundred eighty proof
soon I’ll be under the knife
Try to find the proof
of the assumptions I hold dear
and if I can’t I shall abandon them
let me make that quite clear
I said I’m on the inside now
and contemplating busting out
I’ve put a cork in every hole
the sooner now to spout
I spent far too long being cool
all distant and aloof
now I’m afire
awash in life
and seeking for the proof

what

2.630 : 1/23/07 : Recycle

Recycle the drama the
lessons wait, comma
watch it falling always
watch it falling always
Cul de sacs and strange days
bottlenecks
and Highways
Nothing new comes in
but energy
information, dust
and entropy
So it’s all about
recycling
Mostly carbon, nitrogen
oxygen and hydrogen
runners up are calcium,
phosphorus, potassium
go ahead, do nothing
cycle will turn all the same
try to surf its crest a while
if that’s your kind of game

what

2.629 : 1/22/07 : Inside

I am inside this problem now
just like that
cut down that sacred cow
And this machete
Feels so damn good in my hand
I think I’ll stay inside a while
longer than I planned
Sixteen years seem
like a dream to me
the last time that I
felt compelled to scream I’m free
but I don’t feel that way
now anymore on this ride
now that I’ve managed it
now that I’m inside

what

2.628 : 1/21/07 : No Return

2,819 : 9 ?



You’ll think that I’m crazy
you’ll think I’m a dope
I jumped for joy to see the sign
that said abandon all hope
Every bridge that I crossed
was a bridge I had to burn
Searching so hard for the
point of no return
Who on earth wants to go
home again, ever
What kind of person sees the
ties that bind and doesn’t want to sever
cut that cord, those apron strings
hack through that knot
Who wants to go and get
the things they already got
No not me oh no
I’ve got new tricks to learn
On my way down the path
to the point of no return


what

2.627 : 1/20/07 : Mess Around

All day long and
all night too
all I want to do
is mess around with you
all up the hall
and down the stairs
I’d mess around with you
about anywhere
but lately I fear
looking around this room
it feels like all I do
is push this mess
around with my broom
don’t let me fly away
don’t let me go to ground
oh baby won’t you
help me one more
time to mess around

what

2.626 : 1/19/07 : Pain is Transparent

Pain is transparent
don’t let it block out all the light
ubiquitous inevitable
though natural not meant to feel right
isn’t about justifying
isn’t about reasons
just cycles and harmony
endless primal as the seasons
who are you to talk of things
who’s only scratched the surface
believe me sir I know my depths
and limitations of my service
nonetheless a line or two
reminding that pain is transparent
don’t let it block out all the light
or ignore the messages it sent

what

2.625 : 1/18/07 : Mirror

Mirror mirror
tell me something useful
I know I’m not fairest
mirror please be truthful
is there anything to theories
that you show a different world
do you hide some sweet
reflection
of all the invective
that I hurled
mirror mirror
I guess I’ve got to go
you fascinate me
but I’ve obligations
don’t you know

what

2.624 : 1/17/07 : Waiting For

Waiting to wake up
from this dream
waiting for the axe to fall
waiting for the mail the news
the signal
waiting for the call
wishing for
a teacher to appear
still not ready
to get out of here
I watch a spider slowly
climb the wall
waiting for the call
The phone’s got no bell
and it’s disconnected
there’s a sameness to
all the truth
to which I have been subjected
I can see it clearly
in the stains across the wall
visions of us all just dying
waiting for the call

what

phun with surchiz

As I've mentioned before, sometimes I read the stats and the referrer lists, seeing what's penetrating the veil of fairly secret these days.  Mostly people come through plus, I have my couple subscribers (what up fanbase) but I do enjoy those who land here, presumably bewildered, as the result of search results gone awry. Today a hit from someone searching "which is greater 2.234 or 2.2340" popped up, which hilariously points at one of the daddy songs, "Trucks Are Fun".  Hope that helped with your math homework (I guess it depends on how you're looking at your numbers, if I were to venture a guess: as abstract absolute numbers I'd say they're equal, looked at as real-world numbers (I'm sure I'm not using the right terminology here if it even exactly exists) - the output of a scientific measuring instrument, for example, 2.234 could be larger than, equal to or smaller than 2.2340 since anything from 2.2335 to 2.3344 could be represented as 2.234 for a number with 4 significant digits.  Right?)

what

2.623 : 1/16/07 : Narrative

Why do these myths persist?
If narrative’s the only way
to deal with this:
persistence of experience
resistance to plain common sense
who knows whether the
future tense
is anything but straight nonsense
I’ll tell you a story
six two six
if that’s too much
self reference
feel free to pick up your
own sticks
and go
I give I give what I have got
I try my best
I take my shot
don’t tell me it’s not much
I know
I know
I know
 
what

2.622 : 1/15/07 : Parse and Sort

2,813 : 3 ?



Parse and sort categorize
What’s on my mind
or behind my eyes
what’s in my hand
what’s on the wing
I don’t know how to add it up
I don’t know anything
dissect dissolve
and diagram
create the perfect map
to show just where I am
define the exact locus
of my discontent
and how it all resides
under the same big tent
but don’t be
surprised to see
me end up with all pieces
and still far from free

what

2.621 : 1/14/07 : Hot Iron

Strike while he says the
iron’s hot
It could mean something
then again it could not
I’ve seen a lot of balls
Some dropped by them
Some dropped by me
no time ever
to get it all done
always saying wait and see
the thing about
that hot iron
is striking it is not enough
failing skill
the proper gear
just end up with some
twisted stuff
but then again there’s
not much angle
sitting looking at it sizzle
vacant drooling
dull complacent
pulling at my pizzle

what

2.620 : 1/13/07 : The Unfuckingbelievable

The unfuckingbelievable persistence
of resistance to the far side of
the leaf I bought into
I think I’d like to chuck it all
just fuck it all this sopping
mess I brought to you
When not much becomes nothing
when distraction is the one thing
that opposes despair
I guess I better believe it’s true
You didn’t perceive, did you
me pulling out my hair
The dirty impulse to
make it your fault
take it all with a grain of salt
it’s just disappointment
And no choice but just
to wrap it up
apply the strap or cut
The strings on this appointment

what

2.619 : 1/12/07 : Pop

Pretty soon pretty soon
pretty soon my head is gonna pop
I know I know I know
I just don’t know how to stop
And if you think if you think if
you think it all come easily
Well that just proves that just proves
That just proves you really don’t know me
I done my time done my time
done my time and now I get to howl
just goes to show goes to show goes
to show I’m just no wise old owl
so mark my place mark my place
mark my place and pick another book
I’m gonna take gonna take
gonna gonna gonna take a look
and when it’s all when it’s all when
it’s all truly said and done
pray you’ll still think, you’ll still think
you’ll still think
That I’m still the one


what

2.618 : 1/11/07 : Dream of Dreams

I dream of dreams that fade
at first light unremembered
flashing shattered fragments
and the astral body all dismembered
I said they’re not trying to tell me anything
no such thing as omens no magic rings
I wake I walk in waking sleep
daylight unrevealing
unable to ignore that what
feels most important’s what I’m feeling
I never said that I was rational
I feel my eyes slide open what new hell
is this?
I dreamed of a box
I dreamed of a gun
I dreamed of a girl
maybe more than one
maybe all we live for
are dreams and lying
maybe I’ll dream my life away
until the day I’m dying

what

2.617 : 1/10/07 : In Nature

in nature there is no waste
in nature there is no excess
it all just goes around come around
no politics no influence no duress
in man there is no good thing
free of the stink of corruption
hold it down hold it down
like old faithful count on the eruption
If man is in nature
what the hell went wrong
if God is in charge
he shoulda rung that gong
A long time
a long time ago - ah
Shoulda never bothered
with that business with Noah
Picked one hill
gathered the beasts all together
Sacrifice man alone
to the weather
or hell covered all the earth
reset the machine
what’s a couple billion years
to an immortal being

what

2.616 : 1/9/07 : Wineskins

Parallax absurdity
perception’s just a
word to me
I care and care and care about
There’s no way to control
how it all comes out
I dream about the city of the future
joined to the present the real
by some suture
a rough and ugly painting
of the old and new
when those old wineskins burst
then what you gonna do

what

2.615 : 1/8/07 : Rocking

Rocking the cradle, rocking the boat
rock over the ocean over the moat
rock over the castle wall and into
the keep
to rock all you sleeping beauties
right outta your sleep
You know I’m rock steady on a rocky road
I’m gonna quarry this stone
right down to the mother lode
Rolling from Blarney right down
to the rock of Gibraltar
I am leaving no stone unturned
seeking out the perfect altar
to worship the sensation
the word that’s set in stone
The great rock of salvation
Fully known to God alone

what

2.614 : 1/7/07 : The Worm Turns

2,806 : 21 ?



Nothing’s different nothing’s changed
even the deck chairs are left
unrearranged
despite so little justification
my pronouncement burns
today today today
the worm turns
pick up my flossing give up vice
drop the sugar soda
I won’t say it twice
stay off the cigarettes
give up smoke
Become that happy healthy shit
this is not a joke
self improvement is
a sucker’s game
Some favor self-destruction
but in truth it’s just the same
A man lives so long on symbols
but someday he learns
we’re all just making
up excuses
until the worm turns


what

2.613 : 1/6/07 : Be That Way

Why you got to be that way
always the same
never up for the game
when it comes to the new day
Where do you go in the push
when it’s down to the line
without signal or sign
not even a bird in the bush
Didn’t I treat you right
always down on one knee
and my favors were free
but you wouldn’t be kept for a night
And I guess I’ll have to wait
there’s no one else I can go to
You’ve got all the inspiration
it’s a bad bad situation
and I don’t even really know you

what

2.612 : 1/5/07 : The Technique

The technique: the secret style
the master’s coup de grace
the bear the crane the crocodile
the method of what lies beneath
when dragging once again behind
and every line’s like pulling teeth
plunging reckless in the deep
trying to learn the lesson
of distraction sloth and lack of sleep
Fully fed up with it all
the same old using day to day
the Rally and the fall
leaves only the technique
forge ahead and hope
absurd unreal I’m such a freak

what

2.611 : 1/4/07 : Thread

Taking the lesson
reluctant and grim
nothing left to learn now
from you, from him
hardly convinced
it beats the alternative
don’t know what’s next
don’t know another way to live
up too many nights
pursuing God knows what
a thread so unraveled
a wind that still blows but
The Change seems all random
divested of meaning
devoid of direction
no truth to be gleaning
No truth and what is that
just doing and doing
make something for nothing
some hellbroth I’m brewing

what

2.610 : 1/3/07 : Habit

We’ve made a habit of using too much
letting things go, dreaming and such
If we don’t break it we’ll be feeling it soon
Or so we’ve said a million times while
gazing at the moon
smoking drinking getting high
driving shopping getting by
Made of bad habits and dodgy bets
Someday soon I fear we’ll be made of regrets
Making good habits is dull as dirt
dull maybe better than losing your shirt
If I could just find a way
to make it thrilling
They’d be plowing a path up to
my door I’d make a killing

what

2.609 : 1/2/07 : Dull Refrain

The final obstacles are
boredom, inertia, and loss of faith
The tissue of justification
is tattered and battered and thin as a wraith
And fearing a dissolve
revolving devolving to the dull refrain
bite down on another salty grain
There’s no earthly reason why
I couldn’t make this train wreck a lullaby
and put all the doubt and fear to rest
shrug and smile and say I did my best
And it would be okay to quit
to bow my head and stop
but my heart tells me it isn’t so
and so I let another drop
Hoping I can wiggle past
the dull refrain
And the plodding
And the nodding
and this God thing in my brain
And casting for a future
with a broader scope
And failing that, enough rope

what

2.608 : 1/1/07 : Not Another Bridge

Not another bridge
I do declare
I insist henceforth
on the straight and low road
from here to there
I know I’m gonna lose
and despite myself be disappointed
and curse the spite
that’s got me up all night
trying to set to right
the way the whole damn joint
got so disjointed
I’ll try hard
I know
to stick to it no matter
how
that old wind blow
And failing’s not the real rub
as I’ll learn again
leaning against the wind
on some other bridge
way out along this wheel’s hub

what

2.607 : 12/31/06 : The Resolute

2,798 : 13 ?



The resolute
determined to have fun
tear it up proper
get the job done
give up forever
from this point forth
give up forever
ever after
keep the moment
hope
and laughter
I, resolute
fit for battle
on my feet
back in the saddle
now to the deep
the then to now
riding into the future
on my sacred cow

what

2.606 : 12/30/06 : Spark

Flash a moment
an inkling
a spark
two points of
separation
a gap
the arc

what

2.605 : 12/29/06 : The Near Thing

Nearly there so
nearly there
right back where I started
nowhere
anywhere
I’ve got no more credulity
no more hope
I know that I’m deluded
I know that I’m a dope
Yet I strive
still I strive
for the near thing
try to make the
ends meet
try to snatch
that bright ring
and I’ll make some
pronouncement
I’ll set some mark
that will rest in silence
in stillness
in dark

what

2.604 : 12/28/06 : Magic

When the magic is gone
do you say so long
or just keep hitting that pig
hammer and tongs
hammer and tongs
If I believed no more
would it close some door
would it put me on a vessel
to some distant shore
to some distant shore
will the magic return
if I rave and burn
how can I feel so old
and have so much to learn
and have so much to learn

what

2.603 : 12/27/06 : Factions

Free the radical
the redox reaction
free the numbered members
of the hated faction
hang the bloody dictator
in 2 days time
I’m telling of the future
that’s no capital crime
I hate the bloody factions
and the paradox
the more you fight the sides
the more they put you in a box
people love their categories
indexes and files
the factions take advantage
playing stupid all the while

what

2.602 : 12/26/06 : The View

The view out of the window
the unknown passing by
a vision of a greatness
for a little guy
stuck rutted in a rhythm
Stuck rooted in a beat
Stuck staring lost and fixed
at all the space between my feet
hardly as if anyone will care
I tell myself
no matter how I try
I’m browsing the same shelf
Daydreaming about breaking out
getting a different view
but guessing it will mean a change
that’s through and through


what

2.601 : 12/25/06 : Intermezzo

Slip in some blessed verses
on the intermezzo
asked if I think I’d make it
yeah you know I’d bet so
worry if these in betweens
produce the richest cream
but days when it’s just where it is
but days and passes like a dream
Sometimes I think all life
is just an intermezzo
and asked if I’m a cynic
well you know I guess so
no matter what I say though
I do keep on trying
in this space between the nothing
and the someday dying

what

2.600 : 12/24/06 : Condition

The condition’s flaring up
an outcome of the bitter cup
forgotten what symptom was
so now I drink it just because
forget about the long goodbye
or any tender lullaby
the fear is what I fear today
its object what I fear to say
the cup won’t keep the fearing down
So I must seem a real clown
to be tipping it back again
to be taking a pad and pen
to act like a man on a mission
seeking to cure the condition
with some voodoo herb or spark
that solves nothing but leaves a mark

what

2.599 : 12/23/06 : Another Flaming Hand

Another flaming hand
another king another wall
as if we needed more
reminders of the fall
What will you remember
in the morning when it comes
the writing of the fiery finger
or the ghostly drums
and the assembly line
of time it never ceases
and the new year’s resolutions
in a million little pieces
do you really think I’ll heed
the latest reprimand
you think you’d think
of better uses
for that flaming hand

what

2.598 : 12/22/06 : Casting

Casting casting about for a topic
try to steer clear of the mirror
try to magic out a hot pick
casting into turbid waters
casting where it’s clear
casting into kill and river
lake and stream and mere
I’m a lousy fisherman
I’m the first to admit it
but if I get a nibble
then by damn I’m gonna hit it
It’s hardly news that I don’t
know why anymore
lost looking for a window
lost looking for a door
I cast about and
I’ll cast off the traces
I’ll forecast heavy weather
till we have faces
this is a shadoworld
I cast for a light
and some clever pronouncement
to set things right

what

2.597 : 12/21/06 : Determined

Determined again to end the
failing
Rushing upstairs with scissors
not holding the railing
catching up’s the easy part
Changing is the bitch
I’ve caught up nine by nine
by nine
but still procrastinate
that one stitch
I know the feeling
I know what I have to do
I’ve figured out the pieces
but I don’t know
what’s the glue
I toss it all up in the air
hoping it stacks up neat
baffled as to why it is I
still will not admit defeat

what

2.596 : 12/20/06 : Lap

Another straining breathless
painful step
makes a lap
It’s such a shame I need
the carrot and the strap
I’ve just a week to
figure out some way
to turn
Some way to reconcile
and make this
fire burn

what

2.595 : 12/19/06 : Egregious

Egregious abuse of
the rules of engagement
I try to surmise where my
anger and rage went
bemused by the turns
and the twists of the path
around some bend which
I must have dropped my wrath

what

2.594 : 12/18/06 : Anxious Return

Anxious return to the relatively normal
Didn’t have time to engrave nothing formal
If this anxiousness is normal I’d rather be strange
I’m sick of feeling like this and I’m sick of trying to change
I’m sick of counting syllables
I’m sick of hunting rhymes
I’m sick of thinking up excuses
why I’m not up with the times
I’m sick of trying to come up
with some money making scam
I’m sick of my potential
and I’m sick of what I am
return to the old order
in anxiety and funk
And dismal recollection
of a lot of cast off junk
No fantasies of transformation
Daydreams of escape
illusions of some rescue
by some joker in a cape


what

2.593 : 12/17/06 : The Home that is Not Home

2,784 : 111 ?



I’m not nostalgic about
my old home
the streets I used to drive
the dirt roads I
used to roam
the place I once called home
is long past and gone
a composition in a picture
the topic of a song
the home that is not home
is just fine for a visit
but it’s not quite the same
as being back there is it
I hardly think about it
all about the now
I’ve built my own home
by the sweat of my own brow
built it just to be prepared
for him to come along
it is his first home now
at least until
it too is gone

what

2.592 : 12/16/06 : Break the Vow

Break the vow and shout out
storm the cloister bang the drum
Yell and holler sing and stomp
Raise hell bring down kingdom come
When I vowed to keep my silence
how could I have known
the extent and painful excess
of the firm advantage you’d have blown
I never would have guessed it
Dreamed of such a thing
you screwed it so hard in the ground
witness the pain I’m gonna hafta bring
look down at your shiny toe caps
feel your faces flush
I bet you never saw it coming
when you pushed that power rush
but anyway I’m back in play now
no more silenced shall my voice be
better figure out your next play
better figure what will your choice be
 
what

2.591 : 12/15/06 : Silence

Oh
I
mixed that up
again
didn’t
I say I
wouldn’t
then
no
matter
how
I
protest
I
always
fail
that
test
swear to be better hence
no more
no more
silence

what

2.590 : 12/14/06 : Peace

Peace is an abstraction
that we talk about
we talk and talk and talk
until our tongues fall out
we finally figure life out
just in time to die
the next bunch does it all the same
don’t ask me why
don’t ask me where the mojo went
‘cause I don’t know
don’t ask me to roll up my sleeves
So I don’t have to tell you no
I’m really starting to think
you’d be great seen but not heard
and I will try my best
not to say another word

what

Adventures in Enigmatic Diarism

Coup d’État is one of those songs I read, and than drag out the original because obviously I must have transcribed it wrong because there are just obviously word missing, at the very least.

And then I see that what is on the screen appears to be as faithful of a transcription as I could manage and I think well, okay, what was going on there?  Six years ago.  Was I drunk?  Or just extremely tired, or was I watching television at the time?  The world may never know, I certainly don't.  Which is sort of a shame, because I like the first four lines.

Sometimes I think, ah, I'll rewrite these promising fragments some day, give the little enigmatic gems a more fitting setting than the highly variable diary of enforced personal productivity in the context of life in all its disabling vicissitudes.  But this is probably not true: barring some unforeseen and dramatic shift in fortunes I give this thing as much time as I can, really.  Perhaps more than it deserves, I have trouble deciding, lately.

what

2.589 : 12/13/06 : Coup d’État

Secret first announcement
of the coup d’état
strike of state
don’t hesitate
to disassociate the flaw
that we all see
We’ll blame it on
the right people when
Shatters and dumps
half them in the sea
I’ll show you
Where to stand brother
Either you’re
Coup d’état
Or you’re the other
There’ll be no
subsequent announcement
of the coup d’état
You want to know that
you’re on board
you’ll have to
look straight down
into the maw

what

2.588 : 12/12/06 : Like A

Are you gonna fix my metaphor
like a superheroine
and make me eloquent enough to
Rock you like a simile
Some apogee to climb
ascend this paradigm too rough to
Fix it
Mix it
Like a fish with a submarine
break it
snake it
down the pipe just like a fast machine
Are you gonna wreck my allegory
A story like a parable
this cloak is just unwearable
and this dagger is dull
for what I’m bout to
try to pull

what

New continuity record myseriously smaller than the previous one...

I'm pretty sure I'm really the only one who bothers about Continuity, making this confession doubly unnecessary (in that it's not really a confession, just something I never got around to writing about, plus nobody cares anyway) but heigh ho, whatever.

Quite some time ago now, anyway, I proudly announced that I had crossed into triple digits of continuity (being the number of songs in the current project I have written in an unbroken succession, without missing a day) - I think that count peaked somewhere around 115.

Well, as I've noted before I have dealt with some enumeration challenges in the whole tracking arena.  Suffice to say that previous count was bogus - it broke I think somewhere in the 70s or 80s; my continuity tracking is not an exact science, it's a benchmark rather than a "significant figure" and I haven't kept precise records though I have moved somewhat more in that direction as of late.  That unknown (and given the facts above, probably unknowable) number was my real continuity record to date.

Well no more!  I've checked the records and I'm fully confident that the recently posted 105 is the real deal.  Honestly I try not to make continuity a key issue of this project, the central theme of which I deem to be (for now) persistence - a quality that I think comes into its own precisely when your consistency and good habits momentarily fail you.  Do a little searching for songs of the day (or daily anything for that matter) on ye olde internette and you'll find that intention is in ready supply, and generally comes with at least some degree of initial continuity.  But I remain the unsung world champion (as far as I can tell) in this small and modest arena by praying at the altar of persistence and not getting too hung up on the lapses in continuity.

But I can't deny I get a little attached to it when the numbers get up there.  So while - not often any more, but still occasionally - I'll just give it a miss and intentionally skip a day because I don't feel like it, now that I'm attached to my freshly minted, "honest" high score, experience suggests that when I break it it will be a genuine lapse - I'll simply, honestly forget to do it.  That this still happens after all these years is sort of an amazement to me in itself.  And I'll be sorely disappointed when I figure it out the next day.

what

2.587 : 12/11/06 : Dust Off

2,778 : 105 ?




Never thought I’d see your face again
but I’m pretty sure
you’ve got no twin
Mercy me I guess you’re
beggin’ for the
dust off
off my sandals
off my feet
off my shoulder
on the street
Not for nothing
did I toil
to get the rust off
And the moral
is quite plain
Gain or loss
there’s always pain
So don’t remain
I’d hate to stain
you with this nut
I’m bout to bust off

what

2.586 : 12/10/06 : I Suck so Bad I Should Quit

Said the poorly sucking vacuum
I suck so bad I should quit
Rotten gaskets leaking joints
Who knows where I’m losing it
To create what nature abhors
You must lay an unbreached path
Failing that the center must drift
leaving product in the bath

what

2.585 : 12/9/06 : Cilantro

Cilantro fennel ginger spice
if God doesn’t exist
then why is life so nice
If pain’s the toughest riddle
Why’d we seek it so
I think I’m going to have to
hit my peak to know
Arugula sage and nutmeg
just another job for a super square peg
just another hole so don’t applaud
The work is necessary
but it is not close to God
And so to package it all
for the hoi polloi
It’s all a little ditty ‘bout
how girl meets boy
And makes it in the kitchen
among the herbs
a cautionary parable
for those of you kicking the curbs

what

2.584 : 12/8/06 : Damn Again

Damn again, damn again
Guess I’m gonna hafta wing it then
You can’t expect the unexpected
you can’t direct the undirected
And if that ship’s coming I’d like to know when
Maybe it all comes to nothing but a scrawl
by a palsied hand on a crumbling wall
the signs never told me a blessed thing
I never got my hands on the damn brass ring
A decade, two, slowed down to a crawl
While entropy has a fine old time
I’m stuck in traffic on my own dime
try to get caught up today
damn it all again anyway
just keep shooting for that new
paradigm

what

2.583 : 12/7/06 : Disciple

I’m a bad disciple I’ve got no discipline
So many times I thought that I
was ready to begin
Did I really only ever want
to wear the fancy robes
To pin my unearned progress
to display them on my globes
It seems late in the game
to still be questioning intent
wondering about just where
all the inspiration went
Or if it really was at all
or was it just a show
I’ll probably wonder all my life
I’ll probably never know
what makes a disciple
what divides him from the rest
is it discipline
something within
Something you’ll never know
until you pass or fail some
test

what

2.582 : 12/6/06 : Determination

Determination is a misnomer
state of mind determines
little if anything
Determinism versus determination:
no contest
irresistible force
versus
aimless whistling
inspiration is truly named
but which spirit
and where does it
get in?
you’ll see me dancing
to its silent beat
quiet as a drop
on a head of a pin

what

2.581 : 12/5/06 : The Old Leaf

And the old leaf turns and withered
flies at last unlike the
winged seed to die and lie
forevermore
Turning as the seasons do
a living green to crimson hue
no more to breathe or
catch the sun now
merely a messenger that
winter has begun
the old leaf will bathe
in rain and snow
be warmed by sunlight
now with nowhere else to go
it will be food
for worm and germ and seed
and disappear
be seen no more
another leaf to feed

what

2.580 : 12/4/06 : Closer

Come closer for a minute now
let me see every eyelash
let me taste your breath up close
I want to whisper something rash
Let’s run away today we three
Let’s run off to some island
Forget all about responsibility
Is this a credit card I see in my hand
I’ve been a good soldier true
in the ranks of the consumers
I’m getting closer to a tipping point
But despite the message of the doom and gloomers
I’ll retain an optimistic cheer
Blindly sure something will come up
And that whatever it is it’s close now
I just need to see what I can drum up

what

2.579 : 12/3/06 : Failure at Depth

2,770 : 97 ?



The failure occurs at the
depth of longing
consumerism
demystified
belonging
is a good enough
answer for
the way of everything
and boredom makes
it cool and
fall apart as much as
anything
Failure at depth
at psi
failure at the center
at the crisis
at the eye
but for my part
I’ve bought it
and deserve a break
Up until I get up
to this plow I’m gonna make

what

2.578 : 12/2/06 : Giant Hands

Between the right
and left of your giant hands
I’m in no position here
to make demands
One hand or two hand
Clap You say
my preference is obvious
but it’s not zen
that makes me
act this way
it’s just survival
big versus small
I look to find
I’ve got no other
hand at all

what

2.577 : 12/1/06 : Pay

Rush it slack it cause it doesn’t pay
not enough to register anyway
did it make me a pound
or a penny
was it worth a nickel
did it net me any
how far off the track
did I get
was it close to an
even bet
try to figure
the odds the vig
on every throw
try to quantify
I still don’t know
reflected in the back
of a
silver spoon
still hoping
it gets better soon


what